Do you still give when parents request"please no gifts" for a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

We always request no gifts which was normal when we lived in a big city and all or friends also lived in small spaces like we did. When we moved to a town with single family homes a lot of people didn’t know what to do with our request for no gifts and brought stuff. I mean, we are thankful and gracious but we truly mean no gifts! We have 3 kids and I give stuff away every month - it is just more work and clutter. I have found if I request no gift but cards or pictures are ok, people are more comfortable with the request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do no gift parties because we have plenty and, as a working mom, feel that tasks like getting a present disproportionately erode women's work weeks. My husband certainly never spends his lunch looking for a present. I just like do do things that help my fellow worn out mom...not having to get a present means a little more free time for the invitees moms!

I'm not offended if you show up with a gift, but I truly mean that it's ok not to bring one.

Also, we host nice parties with lots of kid and adult food (and beverages) and all siblings welcome. It's not, as another poster suggested, an attempt to throw a bad party. We do throw at home parties because I hate driving to a noisy venue way out in some strip mall. We have a big nice house, and make sure there are fun activities.

This. Fellow working mom here...thank you! This is what I do and I really appreciate when others do the same. My kids are under 5 and they really don't need a lot of stuff. The environmental aspect is on my mind also. When they get older and want to have the joy of exchanging presents, absolutely. For now we make a nice handmade card and call it a day.

And yes, aside from the no gifts, it's the same party as others in terms of food and activities.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. Kids have more than enough stuff. Card if you're so inclined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From now on if an invitation says "no gifts" my RSVP will say, "no favor bags".

AMEN. Keep that cheap shit out of the landfills and what kid needs candy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've done No Gifts parties, Make a Donation parties and normal parties.

The last party we did was a normal party. My DD mainly received gift cards. Very nice but you lose the personal touch when giving gift cards. My DD did receive a couple real gifts and hate to say it, we eventually donated them. Nice gifts, but my daughter quickly lost interest in them after opening. They sat unused on the shelf for a few months before we donated it.

No gift parties from now on - I wish more parents would do the same.

So funny. Gift cards are impersonal but gifts get donated.

I guess the No gift people have won, if everyone has forgotten or never learned how to give gifts, and if kids already have so many things from their parents that they don't want gifts from their friends.

Yay! We won. Ok, let's move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

Wow, birthdays are really tied up in getting stuff for you, aren't they? Maybe our family just likes to bring friends together for a fun time. Maybe for my kids, the party *is* the present. I guarantee that at the end of the day, getting a pile of generic gifts is not adding to my child's birthday enjoyment.

I totally agree with this last PP. When adults go out to celebrate someone's birthday we don't typically bring gifts. There are many celebratory occasions when people get together without bringing gifts. The party itself is a gift to the kid.

When I go out with friends for birthdays, we usually bring a gift or at the very least, a bottle of wine. We usually buy a drink for them and we all chip in and pay for their meal. Heck, even the restaurant gives you a present. Free dessert.

In your world does the birthday girl invite everyone, say no gifts, pay for the whole dinner, and hand out bags of goodies to all her friends that came to the restaurant?

Well, in my world, when an adult invites other people out for dinner to celebrate their birthday, they pay for their guests. My friends are pretty good hosts, though. Goody bags, not so much.

But so what? Kids like parties. I don't see anything strange about wanting to give your kid a party but not wanting them to get a bunch of gifts, too (most kids are going to get plenty of stuff from family members). My kid loves birthday parties--she loves playing with her friends, she loves singing happy birthday, she loves eating cake. None of that requires anyone to buy anyone else a gift. Gifts do not make the party a single iota more fun for her.

It's not an imposition on your guests--you are actually asking them NOT to spend time and money on your kid. The only reason this is an issue is because some people insist on ignoring the host's clearly expressed wishes. If everyone complied, no one would bring gifts, and no one would be embarrassed.

See, this is my world, too. If I invite a handful of friends to go out for drinks on my bday, I treat them. This is the norm where I grew up. It would seem weird/crass to organize a party for yourself otherwise! Basically, if I invite, I treat. If I want a huge group I pay for that. If I don't want to pay for a huge group, I can invite fewer.

Of course, I know how to be flexible when people organize a birthday dinner and all the guests pay their way. I understand that that is the norm in many places and I can adapt. But, the first seems so much more logical to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we bring a card with a small gift.

IME, a no gift party means that there's also no food and/or no cake. Although I can understand the selfish impulse behind it, we have lots of toys too, I'm not a fan of them.

Nope. We have "no gifts" parties and we provide food, drinks and cake (not to mention, the usually expensive venue).

We just don't want a bunch of crap from Target cluttering up the house.

How gracious of you.

DP. It's honest. Many of us don't want any more toys for our kids. Sorry if that offends you.

Why the hell are people so bent out of shape about coming to a birthday party and having a good time and not bringing a present?? I would think you'd be happy to have one less thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've done No Gifts parties, Make a Donation parties and normal parties.

The last party we did was a normal party. My DD mainly received gift cards. Very nice but you lose the personal touch when giving gift cards. My DD did receive a couple real gifts and hate to say it, we eventually donated them. Nice gifts, but my daughter quickly lost interest in them after opening. They sat unused on the shelf for a few months before we donated it.

No gift parties from now on - I wish more parents would do the same.

So funny. Gift cards are impersonal but gifts get donated.

I guess the No gift people have won, if everyone has forgotten or never learned how to give gifts, and if kids already have so many things from their parents that they don't want gifts from their friends.

Yay! We won. Ok, let's move on.

Next campaign: eliminating the goodie bag. Ladies, we have a mission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always request no gifts which was normal when we lived in a big city and all or friends also lived in small spaces like we did. When we moved to a town with single family homes a lot of people didn’t know what to do with our request for no gifts and brought stuff. I mean, we are thankful and gracious but we truly mean no gifts! We have 3 kids and I give stuff away every month - it is just more work and clutter. I have found if I request no gift but cards or pictures are ok, people are more comfortable with the request.

I don’t understand this. If you give away things every month you would not have a lot UNLESS you buy more stuff. Isn’t that your own fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we bring a card with a small gift.

IME, a no gift party means that there's also no food and/or no cake. Although I can understand the selfish impulse behind it, we have lots of toys too, I'm not a fan of them.

Nope. We have "no gifts" parties and we provide food, drinks and cake (not to mention, the usually expensive venue).

We just don't want a bunch of crap from Target cluttering up the house.

How gracious of you.

DP. It's honest. Many of us don't want any more toys for our kids. Sorry if that offends you.

Why the hell are people so bent out of shape about coming to a birthday party and having a good time and not bringing a present?? I would think you'd be happy to have one less thing to do.

I think the question should be why the hell are families content with so much privilege and shit in their homes that getting a few birthday gifts is an annoyance rather than a fun exciting time for a child. Your reasoning is so ass backwards.

“I buy all the extra shit all year round so you can’t buy my kid a gift for his birthday.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we bring a card with a small gift.

IME, a no gift party means that there's also no food and/or no cake. Although I can understand the selfish impulse behind it, we have lots of toys too, I'm not a fan of them.

Nope. We have "no gifts" parties and we provide food, drinks and cake (not to mention, the usually expensive venue).

We just don't want a bunch of crap from Target cluttering up the house.

How gracious of you.

DP. It's honest. Many of us don't want any more toys for our kids. Sorry if that offends you.

Why the hell are people so bent out of shape about coming to a birthday party and having a good time and not bringing a present?? I would think you'd be happy to have one less thing to do.

I think the question should be why the hell are families content with so much privilege and shit in their homes that getting a few birthday gifts is an annoyance rather than a fun exciting time for a child. Your reasoning is so ass backwards.

“I buy all the extra shit all year round so you can’t buy my kid a gift for his birthday.”

And you are making an assumption that people who ask for no gifts are over-buying for their children. In fact, many people I know who go this route DON'T over-buy for their kids. They want to limit the number of toys in general, not just at birthday party time. And some people also say no gifts because they know their kids have friends for whose families money is tight.

I do not understand how people get so bent out of shape about NOT being asked to bring a gift and just being asked to come and have a good time. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we bring a card with a small gift.

IME, a no gift party means that there's also no food and/or no cake. Although I can understand the selfish impulse behind it, we have lots of toys too, I'm not a fan of them.

Nope. We have "no gifts" parties and we provide food, drinks and cake (not to mention, the usually expensive venue).

We just don't want a bunch of crap from Target cluttering up the house.

How gracious of you.

DP. It's honest. Many of us don't want any more toys for our kids. Sorry if that offends you.

Why the hell are people so bent out of shape about coming to a birthday party and having a good time and not bringing a present?? I would think you'd be happy to have one less thing to do.

I think the question should be why the hell are families content with so much privilege and shit in their homes that getting a few birthday gifts is an annoyance rather than a fun exciting time for a child. Your reasoning is so ass backwards.

“I buy all the extra shit all year round so you can’t buy my kid a gift for his birthday.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we bring a card with a small gift.

IME, a no gift party means that there's also no food and/or no cake. Although I can understand the selfish impulse behind it, we have lots of toys too, I'm not a fan of them.

Nope. We have "no gifts" parties and we provide food, drinks and cake (not to mention, the usually expensive venue).

We just don't want a bunch of crap from Target cluttering up the house.

How gracious of you.

DP. It's honest. Many of us don't want any more toys for our kids. Sorry if that offends you.

Why the hell are people so bent out of shape about coming to a birthday party and having a good time and not bringing a present?? I would think you'd be happy to have one less thing to do.

I think the question should be why the hell are families content with so much privilege and shit in their homes that getting a few birthday gifts is an annoyance rather than a fun exciting time for a child. Your reasoning is so ass backwards.

“I buy all the extra shit all year round so you can’t buy my kid a gift for his birthday.”

BUT I DON'T BUY ALL THE EXTRA SHIT YEAR ROUND. My child has 4 grandparents and 17 aunts and uncles. And yes, I buy my kids (a few) gifts on their birthday and Christmas, too. So no, I don't need the 20 kids at their birthday party to bring them 20 more toys, games, or puzzles. They have plenty. I honestly don't understand why this is so offensive to people.