Do you still give when parents request"please no gifts" for a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

The repeated threads on the topic made me changed my mind. We always bring gifts now.

[Anonymous]

OMG -- take a couple of weeks and read all the threads about no gift parties. Or, let me summarize them for you:

When an invitation says "no gifts" it means NO GIFTS. No gift expected, no gift desired. No means no. Think "no shoes" or "no nuts" or "no candy" or "no siblings." No means "I really, truly, honestly don't want that in my house."

Here's what NEVER happens:

"We said no gifts but DC was so disappointed that no one brought gifts."
"We said no gifts and one family only gave a handmade card. What cheapskates."
"We said no gifts but what we really wanted was a room full of plastic stuff that people brought because they thought it would look awkward if they actually did what we specifically asked them to do."

Here's what OFTEN happens, because for some reason DCUM moms can't read:

"We said no gifts but got 20 toys that we have no room to store and will have to donate or put in the trunk to regift next month. Which means I have to keep track of who gave what so I don't give it back to them."

[Anonymous]

we do no gift parties. We mean it though it's no big deal if people bring gifts. Usually we get cards or little trinkets. Maybe one 5-10 dollar gift. And I am always relived at no gift birthday party invites - one less stop to make, one less thing to do.

I would say most party invites we get are no gifts. It's great!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I feel like if you don’t want your kid to have birthday presents, just don’t throw him a birthday party. Can’t you just have a few friends out to movies and lunch one day. Take a few friends laser tagging and then a sleepover. I agree with another poster. The parties are so big and impersonal.

Not all parties that are no gift parties are "big and impersonal." Our next door neighbor had a party with eight kids. It was a no gift party. We didn't bring a gift. We tend to have larger parties because DS has separate groups of friends from his public school, our church, and a supplemental school that he attends on the weekend for our native language/culture. The kids seem to have fun and get along, and frankly, I see nothing wrong with it.

Oh, you mean parent-engineered friends thru your over-scheduled activities? Not actual friends your child makes. Yeah, we see this all the time too. Big parties where most kids don’t know each other because mom cherry picks her favorites from every activity the child is in. Sounds so PC and grand.

How exactly do you think kids are supposed to make friends? Meet them at the bar? At work?

In their school or neighborhood playing - like normal kids. They make their own close friends. Not have 6 groups of random meaningless friends from all the activities the crazies put them in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

THIS!!!!! It used to be a birthday party was to celebrate the actual birthday child. A nice day of special treats, games, and presents with good friends. Now they are over the top “invite everyone I have ever laid eyes on” events with structured activities down to the minutes, teen party helpers, tons of food, junk candy, goodie bags full of junk for the invitees. But no presents for the birthday kid? Something is just wrong with this. Sounds like a corporate suck-up event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Judging by all these responses to no-gift parties, it seems pretty obvious many still show up with gifts or slip a gift card in a card. Do the parents then return them to the gift giver or keep them? If you keep them and allow your child to have them, that is really awkward.

I feel like if you don’t want your kid to have birthday presents, just don’t throw him a birthday party. Can’t you just have a few friends out to movies and lunch one day. Take a few friends laser tagging and then a sleepover. I agree with another poster. The parties are so big and impersonal.

+1

Sounds here that people keep the presents. So weird

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

THIS!!!!! It used to be a birthday party was to celebrate the actual birthday child. A nice day of special treats, games, and presents with good friends. Now they are over the top “invite everyone I have ever laid eyes on” events with structured activities down to the minutes, teen party helpers, tons of food, junk candy, goodie bags full of junk for the invitees. But no presents for the birthday kid? Something is just wrong with this. Sounds like a corporate suck-up event.

Parents love to try to impress other parents. Asking no gifts is also another attempt to impress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG -- take a couple of weeks and read all the threads about no gift parties. Or, let me summarize them for you:

When an invitation says "no gifts" it means NO GIFTS. No gift expected, no gift desired. No means no. Think "no shoes" or "no nuts" or "no candy" or "no siblings." No means "I really, truly, honestly don't want that in my house."

Here's what NEVER happens:

"We said no gifts but DC was so disappointed that no one brought gifts."
"We said no gifts and one family only gave a handmade card. What cheapskates."
"We said no gifts but what we really wanted was a room full of plastic stuff that people brought because they thought it would look awkward if they actually did what we specifically asked them to do."

Here's what OFTEN happens, because for some reason DCUM moms can't read:

"We said no gifts but got 20 toys that we have no room to store and will have to donate or put in the trunk to regift next month. Which means I have to keep track of who gave what so I don't give it back to them."

This is absolutely perfect. I wish we could create a sticky and post it at the top of General Parenting, Off Topic, Elementary School-Aged Kids, and the Home Page.

Thank you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

THIS!!!!! It used to be a birthday party was to celebrate the actual birthday child. A nice day of special treats, games, and presents with good friends. Now they are over the top “invite everyone I have ever laid eyes on” events with structured activities down to the minutes, teen party helpers, tons of food, junk candy, goodie bags full of junk for the invitees. But no presents for the birthday kid? Something is just wrong with this. Sounds like a corporate suck-up event.

Parents love to try to impress other parents. Asking no gifts is also another attempt to impress.

How in the world...?? I am not impressed with no gift parties, but I totally get it. We all have too much junk!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Parents love to try to impress other parents. Asking no gifts is also another attempt to impress.

Wait -- what?

Read every single post from a parent who brings a gift to a no-gift party. Their ONLY reason for bringing a gift is to impress the host.

"I know you said no gifts, but I have so much extra time on my hands and so much disposable income that it's really a joy for me to shop! Besides, Larla is always telling DD how few toys she has at home, which just breaks her heart. We simply had to get this for her. It's nothing, really. Just a 70 lb. kit containing 12,000 Legos that will allow her to build a scale replica of the International Space Station. It should fit in your living room, if you move out the couch."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

THIS!!!!! It used to be a birthday party was to celebrate the actual birthday child. A nice day of special treats, games, and presents with good friends. Now they are over the top “invite everyone I have ever laid eyes on” events with structured activities down to the minutes, teen party helpers, tons of food, junk candy, goodie bags full of junk for the invitees. But no presents for the birthday kid? Something is just wrong with this. Sounds like a corporate suck-up event.

Agree. Everyone keeps saying no junk but hands out crap goodie bags to all the kids? Makes no sense.

Also, why do people have so much junk. Are you hoarders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG -- take a couple of weeks and read all the threads about no gift parties. Or, let me summarize them for you:

When an invitation says "no gifts" it means NO GIFTS. No gift expected, no gift desired. No means no. Think "no shoes" or "no nuts" or "no candy" or "no siblings." No means "I really, truly, honestly don't want that in my house."

Here's what NEVER happens:

"We said no gifts but DC was so disappointed that no one brought gifts."
"We said no gifts and one family only gave a handmade card. What cheapskates."
"We said no gifts but what we really wanted was a room full of plastic stuff that people brought because they thought it would look awkward if they actually did what we specifically asked them to do."

Here's what OFTEN happens, because for some reason DCUM moms can't read:

"We said no gifts but got 20 toys that we have no room to store and will have to donate or put in the trunk to regift next month. Which means I have to keep track of who gave what so I don't give it back to them."

My niece definitely would like a few presents to open but her mom makes people donate to St Jude’s. My 5yr old niece doesn’t get it. But my sister spends about $500 on the party venue, food and goodie bags which could have ironically gone to St Jude’s, no?

Sorry, I think asking for donations is in poor taste and we all know the 5yr old didn’t come up with the idea.

[Anonymous]

We always say no gifts (although we have asked for book donations to specific causes-ie school library). Frankly we are rich and our kids have plenty. An invitation shouldn’t come with strings attached.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a new thing. I remember 30 years ago going to a few No Gifts parties and my mom stressing over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts (although we have asked for book donations to specific causes-ie school library). Frankly we are rich and our kids have plenty. An invitation shouldn’t come with strings attached.

You are rich and don't care about norms, I guess. When you have so much money, then you feel free to tell others how to spend, or how not to spend, their money.