Do you still give when parents request"please no gifts" for a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts (although we have asked for book donations to specific causes-ie school library). Frankly we are rich and our kids have plenty. An invitation shouldn’t come with strings attached.

You are rich and don't care about norms, I guess. When you have so much money, then you feel free to tell others how to spend, or how not to spend, their money.

Wealthy people do a lot of things differently. This is going to blow your mind. Please sit down and prepare yourself. Are you seated? Good.

At our wedding we requested no gifts. Yes, we spent 10s of thousands of dollars for a party with no expectation of anything in return other than a celebration with our family and friends.

Carry on.

Oh please. And no one brought you a gift to your wedding?

Of course some people brought gifts. If that made them more comfortable, tats their thing. However it was no expected nor required. We already had a home fully furnished and financially well established. It would have been very awkward to expect gifts. Ours was not the only no gift wedding we've been to.

[Anonymous]

we do no gift parties but instead ask for optional donation for charities we work with. Around 25% still bring gifts, 25% donate.

Then we collect the money donated, add our bit and have the child give it to the charity. We grew up with bare minimums and our kids have enough (we are middle class, not rich). The idea is to inculcate a tradition of celebrating with giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, in my world, when an adult invites other people out for dinner to celebrate their birthday, they pay for their guests. My friends are pretty good hosts, though. Goody bags, not so much.

But so what? Kids like parties. I don't see anything strange about wanting to give your kid a party but not wanting them to get a bunch of gifts, too (most kids are going to get plenty of stuff from family members). My kid loves birthday parties--she loves playing with her friends, she loves singing happy birthday, she loves eating cake. None of that requires anyone to buy anyone else a gift. Gifts do not make the party a single iota more fun for her.

It's not an imposition on your guests--you are actually asking them NOT to spend time and money on your kid. The only reason this is an issue is because some people insist on ignoring the host's clearly expressed wishes. If everyone complied, no one would bring gifts, and no one would be embarrassed.

Kids like parties. They like birthday parties and non-birthday parties. Is that a non-sequitur? Everyone knows that you bring gifts to birthday parties, that's why some people have to specifically say not to, because it's not the norm.

Are you unaware why people write "no gifts" on the invitation?

No, it's not a non-sequitur, it's a response to the poster who said that if you're going to have a no-gift party, you might as well not even sing Happy Birthday (you did not copy that portion of the thread). There is nothing strange or contradictory about having a birthday party and not asking for gifts.

And no, it's not the norm, but if a host asks me not to bring a gift, I don't bring a gift. I don't care if other people do ignore the host and bring a gift. I'm not embarrassed if other people bring a gift and I don't, but some posters on this board are, and claim they don't like no-gift parties because they don't know what to do. I do as the host asks, and then I feel pretty secure in my decision.

[Anonymous]

All I want is for others to reciprocate by inviting us on playdates. I don't need things such as gifts. And our son said the same. he just want friends to play with, not things to play with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hate it when parents pull the "no gifts" card. The last time it happened, we went with their wishes and arrived without a gift to find...a table full of gift bags.

It makes you feel like you stand a 50/50 chance of doing the wrong thing. As a guest, I look at bringing a gift as the price of admission. You very kindly invited my child, so let us bring a gift for your child. Please? Donate the gifts to a charity if you like; nobody who brought a gift has to know what you did with it.

Don't leave your guests confused as to what they should do.

We've done this (and skip the "no gifts" staff which causes all this angst). DS has a late fall birthday, so we've take the gifts and donated them to a boys & girls club at the holidays.

Please please just tell me no gifts next time. Spare your guests the mental energy of trying to think up a gift your child would like if you really don't want gifts.

My experience is similar to the pp who said rarely are there more than a couple gifts at the no gift parties. Maybe this is different in the suburbs, but in our kid's dc parties, most are no gift and surely mean it! It's not confusing to write no gift. You are spared having to wonder about what gift to give because your host's preference is abundantly clear, literally spelled out. Don't succumb to insecurity, just listen to your host.

[Anonymous]

I am so happy to report that we don’t live in this strange world of no gift bringing. We are in Rockville and have never been invited to a no gift birthday party. My 8yr old loves shopping for a present, wrapping it, and making a card to go with it. It is such a fun thing to do. It is a good experience to think and care about what others would want and receive. I would think no gift parties removes that portion of thinking of the birthday child. It turns into wjere the party is and what is in the goodie bag. I think birthday parties are special. But we only RSVP to good friends parties. The random soccer kid that barely knows my daughter, we aren’t wasting an afternoon on. Just don’t see the point. So maybe that is why we aren’t stressed about gift giving or give crap gifts. If you know the child, buying a gift is easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I want is for others to reciprocate by inviting us on playdates. I don't need things such as gifts. And our son said the same. he just want friends to play with, not things to play with.

+1

My son would rather have friends and lots of play dates vs more toys. Toys, he's got. Friends, he has -- but reciprocal play dates...not so much; we are always the hosts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I want is for others to reciprocate by inviting us on playdates. I don't need things such as gifts. And our son said the same. he just want friends to play with, not things to play with.

+1

My son would rather have friends and lots of play dates vs more toys. Toys, he's got. Friends, he has -- but reciprocal play dates...not so much; we are always the hosts.

That's sweet. If my kid really enjoys himself at the birthday party (good company, good hosts), I try to thank the mom and ask if her kid wants to have a play date or if the mom and kid want to join us for ice cream or something.

[Anonymous]

We've done No Gifts parties, Make a Donation parties and normal parties.

The last party we did was a normal party. My DD mainly received gift cards. Very nice but you lose the personal touch when giving gift cards. My DD did receive a couple real gifts and hate to say it, we eventually donated them. Nice gifts, but my daughter quickly lost interest in them after opening. They sat unused on the shelf for a few months before we donated it.

No gift parties from now on - I wish more parents would do the same.

[Anonymous]

The only ones that annoy me are ones where there is a specified thing--like bring an XYZ book, or bring this to donate, or do that. It becomes another thing on my checklist of tasks to run around and do (drive to Barnes and Noble at last minute), and my kid doesn't really understand it. If we're not doing a gift and he's making a card with something nice about his friend, or picking out balloons, or if he's just picking out whatever he thinks his friend will like, that's at least meaningful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've done No Gifts parties, Make a Donation parties and normal parties.

The last party we did was a normal party. My DD mainly received gift cards. Very nice but you lose the personal touch when giving gift cards. My DD did receive a couple real gifts and hate to say it, we eventually donated them. Nice gifts, but my daughter quickly lost interest in them after opening. They sat unused on the shelf for a few months before we donated it.

No gift parties from now on - I wish more parents would do the same.

So funny. Gift cards are impersonal but gifts get donated.

I guess the No gift people have won, if everyone has forgotten or never learned how to give gifts, and if kids already have so many things from their parents that they don't want gifts from their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I want is for others to reciprocate by inviting us on playdates. I don't need things such as gifts. And our son said the same. he just want friends to play with, not things to play with.

+1

My son would rather have friends and lots of play dates vs more toys. Toys, he's got. Friends, he has -- but reciprocal play dates...not so much; we are always the hosts.

Stop hosting. Play with neighborhood friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've done No Gifts parties, Make a Donation parties and normal parties.

The last party we did was a normal party. My DD mainly received gift cards. Very nice but you lose the personal touch when giving gift cards. My DD did receive a couple real gifts and hate to say it, we eventually donated them. Nice gifts, but my daughter quickly lost interest in them after opening. They sat unused on the shelf for a few months before we donated it.

No gift parties from now on - I wish more parents would do the same.

So funny. Gift cards are impersonal but gifts get donated.

I guess the No gift people have won, if everyone has forgotten or never learned how to give gifts, and if kids already have so many things from their parents that they don't want gifts from their friends.

Agree. Parents complaining they have too much stuff and not enough time! Sounds like all you do is overwork to overspend. Might be time for a quick life evaluation.

[Anonymous]

If it said that, I'd take at their word -- unless it was a very good friend and they had recently given our child a birthday gift or something. In that case, I might not bring to party but give to them on another occasion.

Recently had an invite that said "gifts appreciated but not necessary" -- well I can't imagine NOT getting a gift with that wording!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it said that, I'd take at their word -- unless it was a very good friend and they had recently given our child a birthday gift or something. In that case, I might not bring to party but give to them on another occasion.

Recently had an invite that said "gifts appreciated but not necessary" -- well I can't imagine NOT getting a gift with that wording!

All the wording sucks.