What do your kids call their friends parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many of us, it's a cultural issue. I'm Korean, and we would never call a grownup (or a teacher, boss, anyone of a superior status, someone you don't know very well) by their first name. There are people whom I've known for decades, including close friends of my parents, whose first names I don't know because I call them by the honorific.

Not saying this way is better or worse, but in most Asian cultures, it would be considered extremely rude for a child to call a grownup by their first name.

I think it’s a white culture thing to call adults by their first name... I’ve had friends of all cultures and only my white friends called adults by their first name... I’ve also worked at 2 area universities 1 Historically Black College and Univeristy (HBCU) and one non HBCU... The black students at the HBCU called professsors and administrators by their title while some of the white students had to be corrected and told to do so.... at the non HBCU white students called professors by their first name while black students would address them by title....

And I believe one way is better than the other.... we are not peers so you do not address me as such!

I grew up in rural New England in the 70s and almost all adults (aside from teachers when at school and doctors when at the office) by first names. My parents elderly friends all insisted on first names. It was definitely specific white subculture thing of people (lots of Quakers) who prided themselves on being very egalitarian and wanted to downplay social hierarchies. It was a big transition to live and work in Black communities. I strongly believe in calling people what they want to be called. As a professor I prefer to be called by my first name, am fine with Dr or Professor, but dislike Ms or Miss Last Name (I have the "you may call me..." talk with my students at the beginning of each semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many of us, it's a cultural issue. I'm Korean, and we would never call a grownup (or a teacher, boss, anyone of a superior status, someone you don't know very well) by their first name. There are people whom I've known for decades, including close friends of my parents, whose first names I don't know because I call them by the honorific.

Not saying this way is better or worse, but in most Asian cultures, it would be considered extremely rude for a child to call a grownup by their first name.

I think it’s a white culture thing to call adults by their first name... I’ve had friends of all cultures and only my white friends called adults by their first name... I’ve also worked at 2 area universities 1 Historically Black College and Univeristy (HBCU) and one non HBCU... The black students at the HBCU called professsors and administrators by their title while some of the white students had to be corrected and told to do so.... at the non HBCU white students called professors by their first name while black students would address them by title....

And I believe one way is better than the other.... we are not peers so you do not address me as such!

I'm also black and I agree that white people tend to be more informal, but disagree that one way is better than another (I think it's fine to call people what they want to be called, and I prefer my first name). I think white people are generally (definitely historically) more likely to be in a position of power and therefore don't need an honorific/Mr./Mrs./Ms. to make it clear to the world and the speaker that there is no peer relationship; it's just something they can be less concerned about because it's less of an issue in their lives.

[Anonymous]

first names. for really close friends, an uncle or aunt will be added in front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:first names. for really close friends, an uncle or aunt will be added in front.

but of course if a person wants to be called something else by my children (or me) we are happy to comply without any issue. I don't correct children who call me anything (usually "child's name mom") because, what do I care. They can call me whatever that makes them most comfortable, and I will happily answer.

[Anonymous]

_____'s mom, or by their first name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate it when kids call me 'Ms' or 'Mrs' or whatever. One kid comes to our house, I've told her a hundred time to just call me by my first name, but she does it anyway. It is way too formal.

It's not too formal, and it's not your decision. Her parents are raising her to be respectful of adults. Too bad that you see it as your role to undermine that.

Just no. It is perfectly ok to teach your kid that the default should be to address adults as Mr and Mrs. Lastname. But if they ask for something else, you should also teach your kids that It is most polite to call people what they prefer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate it when kids call me 'Ms' or 'Mrs' or whatever. One kid comes to our house, I've told her a hundred time to just call me by my first name, but she does it anyway. It is way too formal.

It's not too formal, and it's not your decision. Her parents are raising her to be respectful of adults. Too bad that you see it as your role to undermine that.

Just no. It is perfectly ok to teach your kid that the default should be to address adults as Mr and Mrs. Lastname. But if they ask for something else, you should also teach your kids that It is most polite to call people what they prefer.

+1. That's fine for a default, but the kid should call the adult what he or she wants to be called. If they say, hi Ms. X and I say, you know Larlo it's okay to call me firstname, then that is what it should be. And I'm a pretty formal person...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are preschoolers so we haven't had to deal with this yet, but now you've got me thinking.

I think I'd probably ask them, "what should Larlo call you?" and I'd encourage my kids to ask the same question. What does everyone think about that?

Personally, I'd be happy if other kids called me my first name. I don't want them to call me Mrs. Larlos-last-name because I never use that - I didn't change my name when I got married and I have a PhD anyway (which our kids' friends would probably never know) so if we're really being formal then my title is Dr, which I find pretentious. And Mr. Larlos-last-name won't work for my husband since the kids have my last name and not his.

I'd be okay with my kids calling them Mr or Mrs whatever, if that's what they asked to be called, but honestly I probably wouldn't be encouraging those friendships because I'd think they're a bunch of snobs. Kids calling them by their first name when they haven't been invited to do so is rude though, I agree.

And btw for the "social class", "unclutured" (sic) PP above, we've traveled extensively, lived on multiple continents, my kids have several citizenships, and we both have graduate degrees from good schools in challenging fields.

That's not the social class she's talking about. As someone who grew up in Middleburg where the highest social class meant being invited to dinner at Mrs. Mellon' s Oak Spring "home" you would not call her, not any of her guests Mrs Rachel.

This is hilarious. As someone who grew up extremely “high class” and called most adults by their first names (after they told me to), I knew Mrs. Mellon and knew her as Bunny. Calling someone by their honorific and last name isn’t classy, it’s what you do with people you don’t know very well. Mrs/Ms Firstname is either Southern or preschool teacher and not something my kids or I have ever said, with the exception of ballet and gymnastics teachers who seem to call themselves by that title.

You definitely did not know Mrs. Mellon. No chance on this earth. No children called her Bunny. Not a single one.

I did, knew her since I was born. I may have called her Mrs. Mellon when I was 4 but only remember knowing her as Bunny. Of course my grandmother was one of her closest friends so I didn’t merely “know” her. I used to play dress up from her closet when we visited. She was lovely.

Mic drop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mr. and Mrs. No exceptions except for the two very best friends of my husband and me, who go by Uncle So-and-So etc even though we aren't related.

np I wouldn't want to be called "Mrs. I prefer Ms, so if you kid called me Mrs. I would gently correct. Mrs. is so sexist.

[Anonymous]

10 yo son has known his best friend since they were 2. When he was younger he used to call her parents "Mr" and "Mrs" Larla's Parent's surname. Now he just calls them by their first name, they told him it was fine to do that. She's always called us by our first names when she's come over. We think "Mr" and "Mrs" is way too formal.

[Anonymous]

First names for all. Or, more often, so-and-so’s mom or dad. Depending on the teacher they call their teachers by their first names as well (a handful of older grade teachers use Mr/Ms/Mrs Lastname but most don’t these days.

When someone refers to me as Mrs MarriedName I think they are talking to my mother in law.

[Anonymous]

Ms. or Mr. Firstname. But my kids are pretty young. When they get older they’ll presumably start using Ms. and Mr. Lastname.

[Anonymous]

This is an old thread, but my kid calls everyone Ms/Mr FirstName or Auntie/Uncle if they are close friends... actually Auntie/Uncle/Tita/Tito if they are just Filipino, as long as they're friendly acquaintances (don't have to be close). Or Lola/Lolo if they are older. I am white and grew up using a mix-- my mid Atlantic Jewish side actually used first names for everyone-- I even called my actual aunts and uncles by just their first names. But my mom's southern side was a bit more formal even though they were working class. DH is Filipino (obviously) and grew up more the way we are raising our kid in terms of honorifics. But neither of us cares what other kids call us, and of course if someone wants our kid to call them [whatever], she is to honor that, in either direction.

[Anonymous]

Mr. or Mrs. Lastname as the default. If someone has a different preference, then use that.

I've not heard the Mr./Mrs. Firstname before, but that also seems to be a southern thing, and I'm from the north.

Personally, i hate being called by my first name by people who do not know me well, including adults. It seems common for salesmen to do this in order to seem more personable, but I find it borderline offensive.

[Anonymous]

Mr./Ms. First name or Larla's mom/dad