DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

I caught that too and thought it was weird.

If you're real OP, here is my take. Say no the spending account, that is not a good precedent. But say yes to a budget and to jointly setting it and meeting financial goals as a team with your DH. Show him you are an equal partner in your marriage even if you do not work outside the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

I caught that too and thought it was weird.

If you're real OP, here is my take. Say no the spending account, that is not a good precedent. But say yes to a budget and to jointly setting it and meeting financial goals as a team with your DH. Show him you are an equal partner in your marriage even if you do not work outside the home.

So having a PT job is not working? Maybe try reading the entire post before you make nasty comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

I caught that too and thought it was weird.

If you're real OP, here is my take. Say no the spending account, that is not a good precedent. But say yes to a budget and to jointly setting it and meeting financial goals as a team with your DH. Show him you are an equal partner in your marriage even if you do not work outside the home.

I wondered that from the beginning. She's a preschool teacher who is on a break from teaching b/c it didn't cover childcare. AND she plans to defer to her husband's wish for more children and be a SAHM. If she's in grad school, then she already has an undergraduate degree in ... early childhood ed, maybe? But now she only wants to work PT, some her graduate degree will be in, what exactly?

And, she's going to school for free (which I don't get -- why? Pell grants don't cover graduate education, and Master's Programs almost never give scholarships; they are cash cows for universities); or she's not really, and she's just kind of taking classes here and there.

OP, honestly, aside from the money thing, you sound kind of all over the place. If you're going to let your husband decide about your employment status, how many children you're having, etc., and his happiness as a husband is your primary concern, then where's the argument? It will make him happy to put you on an allowance. It will also be good for your financial bottom line. So do it.

[Anonymous]

So whose paying your grad school tuition? You said up post you're not paying for it, so who is?

Why are you not more involved in your household finances (you didn't know until last month you guys were in debt, really???).

No internet, but monthly pedicures (although now you're claiming it's not every month)?

[Anonymous]

The story keeps changing. Troll.

Probavly the same poster who supposedly had a stranger crash her Christmas party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

I caught that too and thought it was weird.

If you're real OP, here is my take. Say no the spending account, that is not a good precedent. But say yes to a budget and to jointly setting it and meeting financial goals as a team with your DH. Show him you are an equal partner in your marriage even if you do not work outside the home.

So having a PT job is not working? Maybe try reading the entire post before you make nasty comments.

Are you the OP? If so, maybe read your own title before you make nasty comments. If you're a SAHM, you don't work, even part-time. Your story doesn't add up and you're ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

She says she WANTS to work part-time. Currently according to her posts so far she is not working and also in grad school. And how was my comment nasty exactly?

I caught that too and thought it was weird.

If you're real OP, here is my take. Say no the spending account, that is not a good precedent. But say yes to a budget and to jointly setting it and meeting financial goals as a team with your DH. Show him you are an equal partner in your marriage even if you do not work outside the home.

So having a PT job is not working? Maybe try reading the entire post before you make nasty comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So whose paying your grad school tuition? You said up post you're not paying for it, so who is?

Why are you not more involved in your household finances (you didn't know until last month you guys were in debt, really???).

No internet, but monthly pedicures (although now you're claiming it's not every month)?

OP here: Are you always this nosy? Maybe you should find a hobby. You clearly need one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So whose paying your grad school tuition? You said up post you're not paying for it, so who is?

Why are you not more involved in your household finances (you didn't know until last month you guys were in debt, really???).

No internet, but monthly pedicures (although now you're claiming it's not every month)?

OP here: Are you always this nosy? Maybe you should find a hobby. You clearly need one.

What was the point of your post OP on this anonymous forum if you didn't want advice based on your actual circumstances? People need information to give advice. You are not coming across very well in your posts. You really need to take a look at yourself. Many people are just trying to be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

I caught that too and thought it was weird.

If you're real OP, here is my take. Say no the spending account, that is not a good precedent. But say yes to a budget and to jointly setting it and meeting financial goals as a team with your DH. Show him you are an equal partner in your marriage even if you do not work outside the home.

So having a PT job is not working? Maybe try reading the entire post before you make nasty comments.

Are you the OP? If so, maybe read your own title before you make nasty comments. If you're a SAHM, you don't work, even part-time. Your story doesn't add up and you're ridiculous.

I said I want to work part-time. Most of you are not reading everything but whatever. I am leaving. Clearly, most of you are bitter about working and want to lash out at SAHM. I thought feminism was about choices and options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I responded upthread that you are overspending. I did not mean to be judgmental, just wanted to give you a bit of a reality check and defend your husband's decision. if you were a SAHM with a husband making close to 7 figures, no debt, loads of money in the bank, I'd say he needs to lay off and give you the discretion to spend as you see fit. But I've been where you are and we cut out all luxuries while we paid off credit card debt.

Lol wow. I also told OP she was spending too much, but if you think you need to close to a 7 figure income to get a pedicure you are seriously out of touch.

OP here: People are so extreme. We cut back in a lot of ways. I don't have a cell phone. We drive an old car. We don't have internet or tv at home. The pedicures are an occasional thing. I'm the mother of a difficult 2-year-old boy. He is healthy, bright, and, when he's not throwing an intense tantrum, very happy. But life with him is a roller-coaster ride. The littlest thing can send him into a rage. Getting an occasional pedicure which includes a massage REALLY helps. I spoke to DH tonight and will be able to pay off our debt in 6 months if we stop using the credit card.

Your child is no more difficult than any other two year old. It sounds like you need to adjust your parenting and attitude. Or, if his behavior is that bad, he needs an evaluation. You can get a cheap cell phone. That makes no sense on the list of priorities especially with an old car. If you don't have internet or a cell phone, how are you posting here? That makes no sense? Last time I checked you needed the internet to post here.

Now she's talking massages in addition to the pedicures. Lol. Troll much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

I caught that too and thought it was weird.

If you're real OP, here is my take. Say no the spending account, that is not a good precedent. But say yes to a budget and to jointly setting it and meeting financial goals as a team with your DH. Show him you are an equal partner in your marriage even if you do not work outside the home.

So having a PT job is not working? Maybe try reading the entire post before you make nasty comments.

Are you the OP? If so, maybe read your own title before you make nasty comments. If you're a SAHM, you don't work, even part-time. Your story doesn't add up and you're ridiculous.

I said I want to work part-time. Most of you are not reading everything but whatever. I am leaving. Clearly, most of you are bitter about working and want to lash out at SAHM. I thought feminism was about choices and options.

This is too much. Many people, including myself, have suggested constructive and kind things, such as making an effort to simply get on the same page as your husband financially and make a budget together. You either ignored these comments or called them rude. Go ahead, let your husband put you on a personal spending account. Bye!!

[Anonymous]

What are you doing getting pedicures? That's a frivolous use of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate money works for me as a SAHM. I draw 2k a month for food, utilities, gas, and mine and the kid expenses. He uses the other 6k a month for mortgage, health care expenses, the rest of the utilities, car insurances and maintenance beyond oil changes, and investments. 401k, 529 and health insurance are taken out beforehand. It works for us. We each contribute to savings from our take homes. I usually put in 200 a month and he puts in 800 a month. Separate isn't always a sign of doom.

How do you have take home if you SAH?

Speaking of nitpicking.

I took that to mean OP puts back 200. Actually takes 1800.

What are you talking about? This isn't OP's post. Reading is different than nitpicking. You should try it some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

I caught that too and thought it was weird.

If you're real OP, here is my take. Say no the spending account, that is not a good precedent. But say yes to a budget and to jointly setting it and meeting financial goals as a team with your DH. Show him you are an equal partner in your marriage even if you do not work outside the home.

So having a PT job is not working? Maybe try reading the entire post before you make nasty comments.

Are you the OP? If so, maybe read your own title before you make nasty comments. If you're a SAHM, you don't work, even part-time. Your story doesn't add up and you're ridiculous.

I said I want to work part-time. Most of you are not reading everything but whatever. I am leaving. Clearly, most of you are bitter about working and want to lash out at SAHM. I thought feminism was about choices and options.

Nope