DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)

[Anonymous]

He says I'm spending too much money every month and he wants to stop using our joint credit card until its paid off. I feel weird about this and I don't know why. I think it may cause us to fight less because I don't have to be held accountable for everything I buy. The money is supposed to take care of expenses for our toddler too. This would include things like music classes if I opt for that. He does question me about every single purchase and it gets exhausting. I get pedicures every few month and he's completely SHOCKED when I tell him it cost $25. If my purchases are not around $1 he get so shocked. Has this worked for some couples? Am I overthinking this?

[Anonymous]

Put some money into couples counseling. This nitpicking isn’t normal.

[Anonymous]

Is he right? Are you overspending?

[Anonymous]

If your spending isn't excessive, it's a control issue. He bought into the SAHM concept and he needs to fully accept it. He earns, you contribute to the relationship and spend. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he right? Are you overspending?

There are ways to live within your means especially with a toddler. Do you have to take that expensive music class? The county rec ctr music classes are half the price. OR the library has free story time, etc.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you know you are overspending and aren't being responsible. A spending account would solve that. Keeping a separate account just for household finances like mortgage/rent and bills as well.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.

[Anonymous]

I think he needs to look up how much things cost (everything should cost $1? really?) and you need to work with him to bring down your debt.

You should be able to pay off your credit card in full every single month.

[Anonymous]

We do this and it has worked wonders for us. But for us, it's the other way around. DH has the weekly allowance - I don't need one. It stopped our nit-picky constant fights about money almost instantly. I think in part because I didn't have to worry anymore about there not being enough $$ in the account for things I knew we needed down the road.

DH is a spender. He doesn't really think about saving or long-term things. If there's something he wants, he gets it without thinking about it. I'm a frugal saver and over-think all my purchases. Neither way is good, but it caused a lot of fights for us.

Once we figured out how much he'd need per week for his hobbies, gadgets, lunches, gas, groceries (he usually did the shopping), and whatever else, we made a budget, opened a completely separate account, and got him a debit card (no credit card). He was happy because I stopped questioning his purchases. I was happy because I stopped worrying about our budget.

[Anonymous]

Separate money works for me as a SAHM. I draw 2k a month for food, utilities, gas, and mine and the kid expenses. He uses the other 6k a month for mortgage, health care expenses, the rest of the utilities, car insurances and maintenance beyond oil changes, and investments. 401k, 529 and health insurance are taken out beforehand. It works for us. We each contribute to savings from our take homes. I usually put in 200 a month and he puts in 800 a month. Separate isn't always a sign of doom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separate money works for me as a SAHM. I draw 2k a month for food, utilities, gas, and mine and the kid expenses. He uses the other 6k a month for mortgage, health care expenses, the rest of the utilities, car insurances and maintenance beyond oil changes, and investments. 401k, 529 and health insurance are taken out beforehand. It works for us. We each contribute to savings from our take homes. I usually put in 200 a month and he puts in 800 a month. Separate isn't always a sign of doom.

How do you have take home if you SAH?

[Anonymous]

My wife and I both have personal spending budgets. It's helped a lot and reduced fighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.

OP here: You're sound very judgemental. Lots of people have debt. It's going to take a while for us to pay off the debt. My husband just finished grad school.

[Anonymous]

I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.

That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.

BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate money works for me as a SAHM. I draw 2k a month for food, utilities, gas, and mine and the kid expenses. He uses the other 6k a month for mortgage, health care expenses, the rest of the utilities, car insurances and maintenance beyond oil changes, and investments. 401k, 529 and health insurance are taken out beforehand. It works for us. We each contribute to savings from our take homes. I usually put in 200 a month and he puts in 800 a month. Separate isn't always a sign of doom.

How do you have take home if you SAH?

PP here. Im just using that as a phrase. DH takes home 8k and i get 2 and he gets 6.