DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)

[Anonymous]

This post is a great example of two worlds colliding. I’ve lived in Miami (South Beach, downtown and Coral Gables) but have been in DC nearly a decade. Miami is the least educated city in the US, DC the most. Before anyone gets offended look it up. People in South Florida tend to be materialistic, vain, shallow, insincere, defensive, and vapid. I was regularly questioned about how I managed to graduate from college in just four years. Most people I knew took six-eight years. The OP is a person who doesn’t understand DC values. Going around Miami and environs in a Subaru without makeup, a status bag and breast implants is just unheard of. The fact she is making an effort and attending grad school probably means she’s a lot smarter/capable than most people in Miami. I would say cut her a break and let her have her pedicures from time to time. South Florida is a terrible place to live. The poor lady deserves a few comforts.

Seriously. Get the heck out of there, OP. Do it for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is a great example of two worlds colliding. I’ve lived in Miami (South Beach, downtown and Coral Gables) but have been in DC nearly a decade. Miami is the least educated city in the US, DC the most. Before anyone gets offended look it up. People in South Florida tend to be materialistic, vain, shallow, insincere, defensive, and vapid. I was regularly questioned about how I managed to graduate from college in just four years. Most people I knew took six-eight years. The OP is a person who doesn’t understand DC values. Going around Miami and environs in a Subaru without makeup, a status bag and breast implants is just unheard of. The fact she is making an effort and attending grad school probably means she’s a lot smarter/capable than most people in Miami. I would say cut her a break and let her have her pedicures from time to time. South Florida is a terrible place to live. The poor lady deserves a few comforts.

Seriously. Get the heck out of there, OP. Do it for your son.

You sound like a judgmental peach! Do you have good luck with men?

[Anonymous]

This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is a great example of two worlds colliding. I’ve lived in Miami (South Beach, downtown and Coral Gables) but have been in DC nearly a decade. Miami is the least educated city in the US, DC the most. Before anyone gets offended look it up. People in South Florida tend to be materialistic, vain, shallow, insincere, defensive, and vapid. I was regularly questioned about how I managed to graduate from college in just four years. Most people I knew took six-eight years. The OP is a person who doesn’t understand DC values. Going around Miami and environs in a Subaru without makeup, a status bag and breast implants is just unheard of. The fact she is making an effort and attending grad school probably means she’s a lot smarter/capable than most people in Miami. I would say cut her a break and let her have her pedicures from time to time. South Florida is a terrible place to live. The poor lady deserves a few comforts.

Seriously. Get the heck out of there, OP. Do it for your son.

OP here: I have no idea what you're talking about. We must attract different friends. I really like living in the south.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.

OP here: You're sound very judgemental. Lots of people have debt. It's going to take a while for us to pay off the debt. My husband just finished grad school.

Np. Op, you sound rather dense. Your family needs to be on a budget.

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

I would offer to take over finances and give him a spending account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

[Anonymous]

You feel weird because it's an allowance and that IS weird in 2017.

Don't say yes.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like both of you are in the wrong. Setting up a personal account is definitely too controlling. I mean, you are not his kid/dependent/indentured servant, and you contribute just as much to the household but just in different ways. Having said that, the household should operate on a budget and it's fair for you to operate on a budget, as it should be the same case for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.

OP here: You're sound very judgemental. Lots of people have debt. It's going to take a while for us to pay off the debt. My husband just finished grad school.

NP. Uh... no. If you're in credit card debt up to your eyeballs, you're absolutely living above your means. Your husband is trying to save your life as you know it by trying to reign in your frivolous spending. He's right, and you're wrong. Cut it out unless you're trying to get divorced and even worse off financially.

[Anonymous]

If you can't pay for it in cash don't buy it or have it. It is that simple. I could understand charging for food. If you are that broke. But classes and pedicures? No. Get cash weekly and when you spend it, nothing is bought till next weekly allowance
Sit down with your DH and make a realistic budget. Stop using credit cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it’s an absurd concept to work work work only to pay for someone else’s lifestyle. Your DH will be jumping for joy once you finish that degree.

OP here: Some men are happier in their relationships when their partners do not work and stay at home. My husband is one of them and he wants more children. I'm not so sure what I want right now. He didn't want me to go back to work after our son was born. My salary only just about covers childcare. And giving up work doesn't mean difficulty getting back in later for me. Career breaks are common for preschool teachers. We lived off my salary for a while he was pursuing his Ph.D. Ideally I would like to work PT. I think working part-time will give me ties to the outside world, which is healthy. Without a very good salary or extended family who can help, staying in the workplace after having children is a huge challenge for most parents.

So if you're not planning to go back to work, why are you in grad school? Your story doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate money works for me as a SAHM. I draw 2k a month for food, utilities, gas, and mine and the kid expenses. He uses the other 6k a month for mortgage, health care expenses, the rest of the utilities, car insurances and maintenance beyond oil changes, and investments. 401k, 529 and health insurance are taken out beforehand. It works for us. We each contribute to savings from our take homes. I usually put in 200 a month and he puts in 800 a month. Separate isn't always a sign of doom.

How do you have take home if you SAH?

Speaking of nitpicking.

I took that to mean OP puts back 200. Actually takes 1800.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like both of you are in the wrong. Setting up a personal account is definitely too controlling. I mean, you are not his kid/dependent/indentured servant, and you contribute just as much to the household but just in different ways. Having said that, the household should operate on a budget and it's fair for you to operate on a budget, as it should be the same case for him.

She is his dependent, for all intents and purposes

Someone has to control the spending. She can't. Maybe he can. I wish DCUM self-proclaimed feminists would not try to turn this into the war of the sexes.