DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent WAY more as a SAHM than when I was working. It's very easy to overspend. I was having lunches out with moms, expensive gymboree classes, random shopping trips to Target where I dropped $100...

I can't imagine carrying a balance on my credit card. Live within your means. A baby doesn't need a music class and you don't need someone to paint your nails when you're in debt.

OP here: I didn't KNOW that he wasn't pay off the credit card every month until yesterday. All this time I thought he was paying it off every month. I know we had debt but he transferred it to a zero percent promotion a while ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent WAY more as a SAHM than when I was working. It's very easy to overspend. I was having lunches out with moms, expensive gymboree classes, random shopping trips to Target where I dropped $100...

I can't imagine carrying a balance on my credit card. Live within your means. A baby doesn't need a music class and you don't need someone to paint your nails when you're in debt.

OP here: I didn't KNOW that he wasn't pay off the credit card every month until yesterday. All this time I thought he was paying it off every month. I know we had debt but he transferred it to a zero percent promotion a while ago.

He probably feels pressure about all of this OP and feels concerned. It's concerning that you guys haven't been fully transparent with each other about finances. Don't worry, this all sounds new to you but you'll both get the hang of communicating about this if you make an effort.

One thing that I started doing with my DH is having monthly "finance reviews" where we put all our assets and liabilities up on a white board and decide how we are going to handle the month ahead. It takes 20 minutes and it makes us feel a lot closer, and we can have a joint plan of attack.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a great idea if it will control your debt. And if you want to get a pedicure occasionally then do it! Don't listen to these old ugly hags.

[Anonymous]

You and your DH need to get on the same page about money. If you don't know how much credit card debt you have, you have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.

That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.

BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.

OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.

Op - you keep adding to your story and left out critical details in your original post.
How can we give you advice when you have excuses for everything -living in FL where people notice toes, grad school tuition, debt, HHI, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP< you both need to sit down and look at finances. It sounds like you spend and he takes care of paying the bills. It only works if you equally know what is going on or controlling the money as a SAHM. If you don't have the income to pay off credit cards and have debt, you cannot afford things like pedicures. Not being harsh, but its a reality. As a SAHP, I know what is going in/out and pay all the bills.

[Anonymous]

Interest free credit card debt is still cc debt. Same thing

[Anonymous]

OP, please don't take this the wrong way, but you sound incredibly immature. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent WAY more as a SAHM than when I was working. It's very easy to overspend. I was having lunches out with moms, expensive gymboree classes, random shopping trips to Target where I dropped $100...

I can't imagine carrying a balance on my credit card. Live within your means. A baby doesn't need a music class and you don't need someone to paint your nails when you're in debt.

OP here: I didn't KNOW that he wasn't pay off the credit card every month until yesterday. All this time I thought he was paying it off every month. I know we had debt but he transferred it to a zero percent promotion a while ago.

how did you not know this? Do you guys not communicate about finances? Maybe this is the root of your issue.

I still don't think you need a pedicure. Do you get your hair done every so often? Spend money on clothes,makeup,etc..? All of that adds up, so cut something out. Why don't you try budgeting. You can use mint.com to track all your expenses. You guys really need to get on the same page here. I forsee more arguments about money in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please don't take this the wrong way, but you sound incredibly immature. How old are you?

Not the OP, but this is a jerk sentence.

[Anonymous]

Read the thread from last weekend about the nasty foot infections from pedicures--you're better off DIY at home than getting a cheap one somewhere. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.

That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.

BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.

OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.

You sound exactly like us, we have a 2yo. DH has suggested a separate spending account for me too. We make about 90K HHI and I am a FT student/SAHM. It'll be 4 more years till I seriously re-enter the workforce. Money has been a huge stressor for him because of the CC debt (although interest free). We have a game plan but take comfort in knowing you're not alone in this struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.

That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.

BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.

OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.

Op - you keep adding to your story and left out critical details in your original post.
How can we give you advice when you have excuses for everything -living in FL where people notice toes, grad school tuition, debt, HHI, etc.

We're not paying tuition. Why are so hung up on a freaking pedicure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.

That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.

BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.

OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.

Op - you keep adding to your story and left out critical details in your original post.
How can we give you advice when you have excuses for everything -living in FL where people notice toes, grad school tuition, debt, HHI, etc.

We're not paying tuition. Why are so hung up on a freaking pedicure.

Not PP, but because it's such a frivolous expense when you have credit card debt, you are a student and living off one income, and have a toddler to boot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.

That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.

BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.

OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.

Op - you keep adding to your story and left out critical details in your original post.
How can we give you advice when you have excuses for everything -living in FL where people notice toes, grad school tuition, debt, HHI, etc.

We're not paying tuition. Why are so hung up on a freaking pedicure.

OP, when you say you're in grad school, people assume you are paying tuition. If you have a full scholarship, that's great but it's usually not the norm.