Will having a spouse who is bad in bed eventually kill your libido?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women have to take responsibility for their own orgasms. Say what you need, do what you need, get a toy, or any combination. Everyone likes different things. No one is a mind reader. I communicate with DH what works, what doesn’t and we both enjoy.

It works if your DH is amenable to directions. Not all men are. In my view, I already know how to give myself an orgasm without a man perfectly well, so if I have to do it myself when I am WITH the man, then his company is simply unnecessary in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women have to take responsibility for their own orgasms. Say what you need, do what you need, get a toy, or any combination. Everyone likes different things. No one is a mind reader. I communicate with DH what works, what doesn’t and we both enjoy.

This may work with some men. However, some men are not receptive to feedback...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He deserves blame for being "bad in bed" but that is pretty easy for a woman to deal with: you end the relationship after the third date. Any woman who goes ahead and MARRIES some dude who is "bad in bed" is now herself to blame for the failed marriage. You can't complain about him being exactly what he advertised himself to be (bad in bed). That's who you picked as a spouse. Now deal.

I don't know where you come out with this idea that "bad in bed" equals "failed marriage". Millions of people are bad in bed and married. Millions of people successfully separate sex and marriage. You are confusing marriage with a license to sexual gratification.

Read the thread title. Unless you are an exceptional actress who can still feign passion and put out regularly, "Killed libido" sounds like a failed marriage to me.

I didn't say it kills libido, I said it kills sexual response to that specific person. My libido is intact, it's just not directed at the husband. I suppose because this is an anonymous board, you couldn't really track responses to a particular person.

Even if it did kill libido, I assure you that millions of marriages out there have said adieu to sex and continue to function splendidly. You assign a high importance to surviving libidos and sexual gratification in marriage. Others value other things.

As must as I feel for you plight, in 9 out 10 marriages is a man having to put up with a disinterested starfish wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He deserves blame for being "bad in bed" but that is pretty easy for a woman to deal with: you end the relationship after the third date. Any woman who goes ahead and MARRIES some dude who is "bad in bed" is now herself to blame for the failed marriage. You can't complain about him being exactly what he advertised himself to be (bad in bed). That's who you picked as a spouse. Now deal.

I don't know where you come out with this idea that "bad in bed" equals "failed marriage". Millions of people are bad in bed and married. Millions of people successfully separate sex and marriage. You are confusing marriage with a license to sexual gratification.

Read the thread title. Unless you are an exceptional actress who can still feign passion and put out regularly, "Killed libido" sounds like a failed marriage to me.

I didn't say it kills libido, I said it kills sexual response to that specific person. My libido is intact, it's just not directed at the husband. I suppose because this is an anonymous board, you couldn't really track responses to a particular person.

Even if it did kill libido, I assure you that millions of marriages out there have said adieu to sex and continue to function splendidly. You assign a high importance to surviving libidos and sexual gratification in marriage. Others value other things.

As must as I feel for you plight, in 9 out 10 marriages is a man having to put up with a disinterested starfish wife.

These are incomparable plights. She chose to marry a man who is bad-in-bed. Whereas the husbands with disinterested starfish wives chose a partner who (then) appeared to have a normal libido.
Classic case of woman marries man, hoping he will change. Man marries woman, hoping she will NOT change.
Both are disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He deserves blame for being "bad in bed" but that is pretty easy for a woman to deal with: you end the relationship after the third date. Any woman who goes ahead and MARRIES some dude who is "bad in bed" is now herself to blame for the failed marriage. You can't complain about him being exactly what he advertised himself to be (bad in bed). That's who you picked as a spouse. Now deal.

I don't know where you come out with this idea that "bad in bed" equals "failed marriage". Millions of people are bad in bed and married. Millions of people successfully separate sex and marriage. You are confusing marriage with a license to sexual gratification.

Read the thread title. Unless you are an exceptional actress who can still feign passion and put out regularly, "Killed libido" sounds like a failed marriage to me.

I didn't say it kills libido, I said it kills sexual response to that specific person. My libido is intact, it's just not directed at the husband. I suppose because this is an anonymous board, you couldn't really track responses to a particular person.

Even if it did kill libido, I assure you that millions of marriages out there have said adieu to sex and continue to function splendidly. You assign a high importance to surviving libidos and sexual gratification in marriage. Others value other things.

As must as I feel for you plight, in 9 out 10 marriages is a man having to put up with a disinterested starfish wife.

Leaving alone what you feel (must?), you misstate things. In 9 out of 10 marriages is a man who chooses to stay with a starfish wife because he decided, as she did, that sex is not the most important thing in marriage. He accepts substandard or no sex because he believes - as many men around the world do - that the wife's sexual prowess is very far down the list of qualities of what is desirable in a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He deserves blame for being "bad in bed" but that is pretty easy for a woman to deal with: you end the relationship after the third date. Any woman who goes ahead and MARRIES some dude who is "bad in bed" is now herself to blame for the failed marriage. You can't complain about him being exactly what he advertised himself to be (bad in bed). That's who you picked as a spouse. Now deal.

I don't know where you come out with this idea that "bad in bed" equals "failed marriage". Millions of people are bad in bed and married. Millions of people successfully separate sex and marriage. You are confusing marriage with a license to sexual gratification.

Read the thread title. Unless you are an exceptional actress who can still feign passion and put out regularly, "Killed libido" sounds like a failed marriage to me.

I didn't say it kills libido, I said it kills sexual response to that specific person. My libido is intact, it's just not directed at the husband. I suppose because this is an anonymous board, you couldn't really track responses to a particular person.

Even if it did kill libido, I assure you that millions of marriages out there have said adieu to sex and continue to function splendidly. You assign a high importance to surviving libidos and sexual gratification in marriage. Others value other things.

As must as I feel for you plight, in 9 out 10 marriages is a man having to put up with a disinterested starfish wife.

These are incomparable plights. She chose to marry a man who is bad-in-bed. Whereas the husbands with disinterested starfish wives chose a partner who (then) appeared to have a normal libido.
Classic case of woman marries man, hoping he will change. Man marries woman, hoping she will NOT change.
Both are disappointed.

how can you possibly hope pregnancy and childbirth does not change things? Are you not aware of how babies come into this world?