Will having a spouse who is bad in bed eventually kill your libido?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He deserves blame for being "bad in bed" but that is pretty easy for a woman to deal with: you end the relationship after the third date. Any woman who goes ahead and MARRIES some dude who is "bad in bed" is now herself to blame for the failed marriage. You can't complain about him being exactly what he advertised himself to be (bad in bed). That's who you picked as a spouse. Now deal.

I don't know where you come out with this idea that "bad in bed" equals "failed marriage". Millions of people are bad in bed and married. Millions of people successfully separate sex and marriage. You are confusing marriage with a license to sexual gratification.

Read the thread title. Unless you are an exceptional actress who can still feign passion and put out regularly, "Killed libido" sounds like a failed marriage to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, being a person who is bad at having orgasms will eventually kill your libido. Your spouse's attentiveness may or may not contribute to this.

I rocked at having orgasms until him. Alone or partnered. With him, even a vibrator didn’t help. No rhythm and no stamina.

So what did you do to teach him? Did you make efforts to guide him and show him how to get you off? Or did you just complain about it and quit having sex? If the latter, I have little sympathy for you. Good lovers are not born, but made.

They have to want to be made. You cannot teach someone who's lazy or thinks secretly you ought to come from whatever feels good to him.

Sounds to me like you've made zero effort to teach him. You just assume he has no interest in learning and you assume you know what he "secretly" thinks. You don't know jack, but you're using that as an excuse because you're not teaching him what you like. Admittedly, teaching someone what you like in bed is tough - you have to get past your own inhibitions. But quite frankly, it sounds like you're too inhibited, too nonconfrontational, too lazy, too something to do anything to improve your situation. Quit whining and try to fix it.

Most husbands would LOVE to be taught to be better in bed. It's a huge turn on for men to be able to get their partners off. But they don't know naturally how your body works or what gets you off. You have to teach.

I guarantee you that just about every really good lover you've had got that way by learning from someone. Very few just luck into those skills. Some may be perceptive enough to learn by trial and error over a long time. But if you want your husband to get better, you need to have a lot of sex with him and tell him what feels good.

^Mansplaining at its most precious. NP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife isn't very good in bed, but I'm still the higher libido spouse and her lack of skill hasn't decreased it. So, "no."

Do you get off every time? Right.

It's practically impossible for a woman to be "bad in bed", at least not by the low standards we hold men to.

Rare is a man who gets his wife off every time- and prized all around!

My H does every time, usually twice. I didn’t realize this was rare. I still only want to have sex once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My husband gets me off every time. If he didn't, I wouldn't be interested.

How does your DH get him off every time? My guess is that you are a sexual person with a high libido who is sexually on the same page with your DH and/or you have taught him how to please you, which makes you preceive him, perhaps rightfully so, to be a good lover. But I don't think my low libido DW, who doesn't O from oral or PIV (with anyone), would necessarily think the same thing of your DH, because he's not going to guarantee an O for her. For sure, there are good and bad lovers, but the recipient plays a big role as well.

I’ve never heard of a woman who can’t get off on oral. Are you sure you’re doing it right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He deserves blame for being "bad in bed" but that is pretty easy for a woman to deal with: you end the relationship after the third date. Any woman who goes ahead and MARRIES some dude who is "bad in bed" is now herself to blame for the failed marriage. You can't complain about him being exactly what he advertised himself to be (bad in bed). That's who you picked as a spouse. Now deal.

I don't know where you come out with this idea that "bad in bed" equals "failed marriage". Millions of people are bad in bed and married. Millions of people successfully separate sex and marriage. You are confusing marriage with a license to sexual gratification.

Read the thread title. Unless you are an exceptional actress who can still feign passion and put out regularly, "Killed libido" sounds like a failed marriage to me.

I didn't say it kills libido, I said it kills sexual response to that specific person. My libido is intact, it's just not directed at the husband. I suppose because this is an anonymous board, you couldn't really track responses to a particular person.

Even if it did kill libido, I assure you that millions of marriages out there have said adieu to sex and continue to function splendidly. You assign a high importance to surviving libidos and sexual gratification in marriage. Others value other things.

[Anonymous]

Guys, you can easily tell if you're bad in bed. Just look for suction cup rings on the headboard, on chairs or in your shower. Even after you wipe them off you can still see them for some reason.

[Anonymous]

If she was bad in bed she wouldn't have become my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He deserves blame for being "bad in bed" but that is pretty easy for a woman to deal with: you end the relationship after the third date. Any woman who goes ahead and MARRIES some dude who is "bad in bed" is now herself to blame for the failed marriage. You can't complain about him being exactly what he advertised himself to be (bad in bed). That's who you picked as a spouse. Now deal.

I don't know where you come out with this idea that "bad in bed" equals "failed marriage". Millions of people are bad in bed and married. Millions of people successfully separate sex and marriage. You are confusing marriage with a license to sexual gratification.

Read the thread title. Unless you are an exceptional actress who can still feign passion and put out regularly, "Killed libido" sounds like a failed marriage to me.

I didn't say it kills libido, I said it kills sexual response to that specific person. My libido is intact, it's just not directed at the husband. I suppose because this is an anonymous board, you couldn't really track responses to a particular person.

Even if it did kill libido, I assure you that millions of marriages out there have said adieu to sex and continue to function splendidly. You assign a high importance to surviving libidos and sexual gratification in marriage. Others value other things.

"High importance to surviving libido" is only essential to those who expect monogamy. I assure you in most of those marriages, the "bad in bed" husband is easily finding his sexual gratification outside the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife isn't very good in bed, but I'm still the higher libido spouse and her lack of skill hasn't decreased it. So, "no."

Do you get off every time? Right.

It's practically impossible for a woman to be "bad in bed", at least not by the low standards we hold men to.

Rare is a man who gets his wife off every time- and prized all around!

My H does every time, usually twice. I didn’t realize this was rare. I still only want to have sex once a week.

honey, I didn't you were on DCUM!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He deserves blame for being "bad in bed" but that is pretty easy for a woman to deal with: you end the relationship after the third date. Any woman who goes ahead and MARRIES some dude who is "bad in bed" is now herself to blame for the failed marriage. You can't complain about him being exactly what he advertised himself to be (bad in bed). That's who you picked as a spouse. Now deal.

I don't know where you come out with this idea that "bad in bed" equals "failed marriage". Millions of people are bad in bed and married. Millions of people successfully separate sex and marriage. You are confusing marriage with a license to sexual gratification.

Read the thread title. Unless you are an exceptional actress who can still feign passion and put out regularly, "Killed libido" sounds like a failed marriage to me.

I didn't say it kills libido, I said it kills sexual response to that specific person. My libido is intact, it's just not directed at the husband. I suppose because this is an anonymous board, you couldn't really track responses to a particular person.

Even if it did kill libido, I assure you that millions of marriages out there have said adieu to sex and continue to function splendidly. You assign a high importance to surviving libidos and sexual gratification in marriage. Others value other things.

"High importance to surviving libido" is only essential to those who expect monogamy. I assure you in most of those marriages, the "bad in bed" husband is easily finding his sexual gratification outside the marriage.

That's OK with me. Let someone else have bad sex so I don't have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife isn't very good in bed, but I'm still the higher libido spouse and her lack of skill hasn't decreased it. So, "no."

Do you get off every time? Right.

It's practically impossible for a woman to be "bad in bed", at least not by the low standards we hold men to.

Rare is a man who gets his wife off every time- and prized all around!

since I imagine you're a woman, I have to also believe you have no idea what it's like trying to f*ck a starfish, or someone who is quiet as a mouse. believe me, women can be plenty bad in bed, just like men.

But you get off. Which is more than can be said for most women.

So by that high standard, 95% of men are awful in bed.

I think your numbers are hyperbolic. A man could get off with or without the woman. That is also not true of all women. A woman's orgasm is dependent upon her and well as him. Guys can put in max effort and still not get a woman home because she refuses to let go of whatever is in her head. Apples and oranges, my friend. You shouldn't let your bitterness or your personal bad experiences cloud your judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My husband gets me off every time. If he didn't, I wouldn't be interested.

How does your DH get him off every time? My guess is that you are a sexual person with a high libido who is sexually on the same page with your DH and/or you have taught him how to please you, which makes you preceive him, perhaps rightfully so, to be a good lover. But I don't think my low libido DW, who doesn't O from oral or PIV (with anyone), would necessarily think the same thing of your DH, because he's not going to guarantee an O for her. For sure, there are good and bad lovers, but the recipient plays a big role as well.

I’ve never heard of a woman who can’t get off on oral. Are you sure you’re doing it right?

There have been many posts on DCUM over the years about DWs who don't like oral, and my DW happens to be one of them. I love doing it and have never had trouble bringing previous partners to orgasm from it. My DW has had 12 partners and said she has never liked it. It's a real bummer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My husband gets me off every time. If he didn't, I wouldn't be interested.

How does your DH get him off every time? My guess is that you are a sexual person with a high libido who is sexually on the same page with your DH and/or you have taught him how to please you, which makes you preceive him, perhaps rightfully so, to be a good lover. But I don't think my low libido DW, who doesn't O from oral or PIV (with anyone), would necessarily think the same thing of your DH, because he's not going to guarantee an O for her. For sure, there are good and bad lovers, but the recipient plays a big role as well.

I’ve never heard of a woman who can’t get off on oral. Are you sure you’re doing it right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My husband gets me off every time. If he didn't, I wouldn't be interested.

How does your DH get him off every time? My guess is that you are a sexual person with a high libido who is sexually on the same page with your DH and/or you have taught him how to please you, which makes you preceive him, perhaps rightfully so, to be a good lover. But I don't think my low libido DW, who doesn't O from oral or PIV (with anyone), would necessarily think the same thing of your DH, because he's not going to guarantee an O for her. For sure, there are good and bad lovers, but the recipient plays a big role as well.

I’ve never heard of a woman who can’t get off on oral. Are you sure you’re doing it right?

There have been many posts on DCUM over the years about DWs who don't like oral, and my DW happens to be one of them. I love doing it and have never had trouble bringing previous partners to orgasm from it. My DW has had 12 partners and said she has never liked it. It's a real bummer.

Guy here. My DW doesn't care for it either. Occasionally, she'll let me do it and she'll O pretty hard. Still, it's just not her thing - giving or receiving. She prefers to O via the D.

[Anonymous]

Women have to take responsibility for their own orgasms. Say what you need, do what you need, get a toy, or any combination. Everyone likes different things. No one is a mind reader. I communicate with DH what works, what doesn’t and we both enjoy.