Nobody brought us food

[Anonymous]

With my first, he was in the NICU for 2+ months. I remember my husband's coworker's wife who made us dinner. She was the only one. We got approximately 200 gifts, but the dinner was the best.

[Anonymous]

Honestly the loneliness of that first month or two is the reason we're debating not having another child. Absolutely everyone was there in the hospital (6 people stayed for 3 days, ugh), but drove home before discharge. We didn't have a single guest for 6 weeks and I remember being so darn lonely and depressed. We did get food dropped off, but friends wouldn't come inside because they didn't want to burden us. I begged people to visit. Inlaws expected the baby to come to them (4 hours away).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up people. You just willingly made a baby. You probably had a baby registry and already asked people to buy you brand new things to clothe and take care of it. Now you want those same people to feed you for the pleasure of visiting you?!?!

And all of you whining about how you couldn't prepare, etc., how much time and effort did you put into making the cutest nursery ever? How about pregnancy pics or a babymoon? A whole new maternity wardrobe? You just squandered away all your money on that unnecessary crap, and expect others to feed you for a choice you willingly made. You are a bunch of entitled losers.

Eh, I don't expect people to necessarily cook FOR me, but get annoyed when out of town guests expect me to cook for THEM while caring for a newborn. That's pretty entitled too don't you think?

PP, and I completely agree, that is wrong of your guests. Anyone visiting at that time should be willing to lend a hand and even take the lead as far as food. But the posts in this thread don't seem to about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly the loneliness of that first month or two is the reason we're debating not having another child. Absolutely everyone was there in the hospital (6 people stayed for 3 days, ugh), but drove home before discharge. We didn't have a single guest for 6 weeks and I remember being so darn lonely and depressed. We did get food dropped off, but friends wouldn't come inside because they didn't want to burden us. I begged people to visit. Inlaws expected the baby to come to them (4 hours away).

So you wanted to host? Would you complain if they did accept your invitation but didn't offer to make or bring the food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?

Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.

+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

I think it's absurd to expect this... no, no one feeds new parents. You can feed yourselves. It's just a baby, calm down.

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked by some of these posts! Yes if somebody is staying with you and come to help you then they shouldn't expect you to cook or provide food. However, no visitor has to bring food!!! That's ridiculous and so entitled to expect that somebody bring you food. They are good friends for coming over and keeping you company and seeing your little baby. They may even bring a baby gift. Come on!!! Maybe it's a cultural thing - I'm from South Asia and there is absolutely no expectation that my visitors bring me food. I just want to see them that's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked by some of these posts! Yes if somebody is staying with you and come to help you then they shouldn't expect you to cook or provide food. However, no visitor has to bring food!!! That's ridiculous and so entitled to expect that somebody bring you food. They are good friends for coming over and keeping you company and seeing your little baby. They may even bring a baby gift. Come on!!! Maybe it's a cultural thing - I'm from South Asia and there is absolutely no expectation that my visitors bring me food. I just want to see them that's all.

+1. Although I have brought food for a couple of friends who came home but whose babies stayed in NICU for several days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?

Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.

+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.

Well, you are one of the few grannie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked by some of these posts! Yes if somebody is staying with you and come to help you then they shouldn't expect you to cook or provide food. However, no visitor has to bring food!!! That's ridiculous and so entitled to expect that somebody bring you food. They are good friends for coming over and keeping you company and seeing your little baby. They may even bring a baby gift. Come on!!! Maybe it's a cultural thing - I'm from South Asia and there is absolutely no expectation that my visitors bring me food. I just want to see them that's all.

+1. Although I have brought food for a couple of friends who came home but whose babies stayed in NICU for several days.

Thank you. I think there is a consensus no need to bring food if you are stopping by. If you are family/close friends staying for a few days, of course you shouldn't expect new mom to cook/host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly the loneliness of that first month or two is the reason we're debating not having another child. Absolutely everyone was there in the hospital (6 people stayed for 3 days, ugh), but drove home before discharge. We didn't have a single guest for 6 weeks and I remember being so darn lonely and depressed. We did get food dropped off, but friends wouldn't come inside because they didn't want to burden us. I begged people to visit. Inlaws expected the baby to come to them (4 hours away).

So you wanted to host? Would you complain if they did accept your invitation but didn't offer to make or bring the food?

Yes I wanted to host. I had stocked my house, changed the sheets and had two guest bedrooms prepped and ready for guests that never came. I'm a great host and DH is our cook. I didn't want anyone in the hospital (I was in for 4 days with 3 days in labor), but really wanted guests in our house. It was lonely.

DH had a miserable paternity leave because the baby didn't take bottles and I was shocked my inlaws, especially MIL didn't come visit to keep him company (they live 4 hours away). I thought for sure they'd visit once I was back at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly the loneliness of that first month or two is the reason we're debating not having another child. Absolutely everyone was there in the hospital (6 people stayed for 3 days, ugh), but drove home before discharge. We didn't have a single guest for 6 weeks and I remember being so darn lonely and depressed. We did get food dropped off, but friends wouldn't come inside because they didn't want to burden us. I begged people to visit. Inlaws expected the baby to come to them (4 hours away).

So you wanted to host? Would you complain if they did accept your invitation but didn't offer to make or bring the food?

Yes I wanted to host. I had stocked my house, changed the sheets and had two guest bedrooms prepped and ready for guests that never came. I'm a great host and DH is our cook. I didn't want anyone in the hospital (I was in for 4 days with 3 days in labor), but really wanted guests in our house. It was lonely.

DH had a miserable paternity leave because the baby didn't take bottles and I was shocked my inlaws, especially MIL didn't come visit to keep him company (they live 4 hours away). I thought for sure they'd visit once I was back at work.

Well, you seem like an outlier on this thread. Sorry! Most likely they didn't want to be a burden or intrude on the first few weeks of new parenthood, but who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?

Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.

+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.

Well, you are one of the few grannie.

NP; she isn't one of the few, and immature name calling doesn't exactly stake out your position as the one on the side of proper behavior.

I've lived in 5 states since I was old enough to have friends having kids, and in each one food was a welcome and expected new-parent gift.

I completely understand that there are subcultures where this is not the norm, but everyone shouting that at OP should realize that she is a part of her subculture. If she expected food, she's not in one where it's not the norm.

[Anonymous]

I chalked it up to the fact that we were the last couple in our group of friends to have kids and our friends had their hands full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?

Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.

+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.

Well, you are one of the few grannie.

Well aren't you lovely.