Is 46 too old to be TTC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a younger mom...with many mom friends of all ages through church and other groups I am involved with, I see first hand how selfless parents are that choose to adopt or are older or have a child in "unconventional" ways. These are people, for one reason or another, didn't have children the traditional way or time. But think about it - they are subjecting themselves to loads of frustration, sadness, monetary investment, negative society comments, etc. to have a child. That is dedication and the devotion to their child once it has arrived is amazing. There are so many people out there that are clueless to the lengths some people go through to be able to love a child. It is possible that these children may feel slighted down the road by not knowing their dad, being adopted, etc., but they will still be loved very much. traditional families aren't perfect either...think about children coming from broken homes, alcoholic parents, workaholic parents, families with health or financial concerns, etc. Think back to your upbringing and I guarantee you will find at least one thing to complain about or you wished was different. that is something we all have in common, but the difference is, you can overcome this if you are surrounded by people that love you...esp. your parent(s) whoever they may be.

Amen!! Just watching all these posts and am pretty disgusted with some of the comments toward the single mothers who opted to have children the unconventional way. You couldn't have said it better! I come from a very dysfunctional family and dealt with a alcoholic mother and a dad who very very abusive. I felt so unloved and unwanted. I lived a very rough childhood and now suffer from alcohol abuse anger, depression and suicidal tendencies. I would have loved to be brought up with a single parent (vs. two) who loved and deeply cared for me.

I'm married now, 42 and TTC. I can tell you this, if I wasn't married now, I'd definitely go the single mother route.

Anyway, I appreciate you posting this.

[Anonymous]

You are just making my argument stronger. No one would ever claim that an alcoholic intentionally getting pregnant is unselfish. No one would say of a pregnant drug addict, "Motherhood is wonderful no matter how you go about it." I daresay that someone who is deprived of the chance to ever know the identity of her father through the sheer selfishness of her mother may feel something more than "slighted."

That person might make peace with this tragedy and forgive her mother in her heart (because, thanks to mom's "selfless" decision, she has no one else in her life to depend on) and may even say that she doesn't care to know her sperm donor father but that does not erase her likely secret emotional suffering.

One of the great fallacies of modern feminism is the illogical leap from the observation that some fathers are bad to the generalization that all fathers are optional. Children need two parents, not just one selfish mother. Yes, Obama turned out just fine. But he has always been sad that he had to grow up without his father.

[Anonymous]

You really have a lot of nerve with your one sided irrational opinion.

I'm a lesbian and my partner and I chose to have a child via sperm donor. I take it you think were too being selfish because we want to have a family the unconventoinal way?

There is no right or wrong way to raise a child, as long as you provide a loving and wonderful environment, which is what matters most.

Now stop the emotional abuse and get off your high horse!

[Anonymous]

But you seem to be saying that a child needs a father and a mother. So that is why people are giving you real life examples of where that is not true. Then you say that the examples are of selfish people too. Get your story straight - do you mean any father and mother are better, or just the ones that meet some standard you have established? And how far does your standard go? I see you don't believe an alcoholic parent is okay (who does?) but what about where the father is hardly home and emotionally not there for child, a family that doesn't make much money, or hey, a couple that fights a lot?

I take it you also do not approve of same sex couples raising a child? Or do you just have it out for single mothers? So I really don't get what you are trying to say - seems to me you just want to pass judgement on people without any logic behind your argument. And why don't you do some research, if you did you will see that all the studies show that children of single mothers by choice do the same, or even better, in a number of indicators (grades, relationships, etc).

[Anonymous]

Odd..my Aunt opted never to have children. She's been told for 20 years now that she's selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the single mother who decided to go it solo and you have some nerve telling me I am selfish!! It's a very selfless thing to do!!! Think about it!!! My daughter is very lucky and special. I have several single mother friends who have adopted or have a child on thier own and thier kids are very happy and well adjusted. just as mine is. Motherhood is a wonderful thing regardless of how you go about it. I'm a very strong and nurturing gall who loves kids. It's so wrong to pass judgement unless you have walked in my shoes or know the slightest thing about me!!!

I know this about you: You can't spell. This leads one to conclude that you are not educated, which means that you are most likely under-employed, or not employed at all. Who, exactly, is going to take care of all of these children you are so "selflessly" bringing into the world to satisfy your own nuturing needs?

I hope you're nobody's mom.

[Anonymous]

I used donor eggs and my son will never know his bio mom or dad. I supoose you think my husband and I are selfish people too?

[Anonymous]

Two lesbians and a couple using donor sperm or eggs is somewhat better than a person making this selfish choice on her own. At least the child will have the resources and love of two parents, regardless of gender, rather than one.

But, and I have yet to see anyone refute this "illogical" assertion, you have still intentionally given your child a significant social and possibly emotional handicap. Let's just think forward to that day when your child learns the truth and even worse, learns that most other children are not bereft of one biological half before birth by their mothers' deliberate intentions. Do you think that is going to be a happy or easy moment? What will it be like to have to reflect that one's biological parent could be anyone in the world from a president to a rapist to an unethical fertility doctor using his own sperm?

My paltry words of criticsm pale in comparison to this emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Odd..my Aunt opted never to have children. She's been told for 20 years now that she's selfish.

Some of the world's best parents never have children. A woman who had the courage to admit she did not want kids or wanted kids but chose to sacrifice her dream rather than pursue it regardless of the consequences for the desired child is the true definition of a heroine. She put the child's welfare first.

[Anonymous]

You MAKE NO SENSE whatsover and have no knowledge nor proof of what is better the the child(ren), two parents vs. one? Also, whose to say that a single mother will always be single anyway?

Using donors eggs is "somewhat better" than a single woman deciding she wanted have children? That's ridiculous! Who are you to make this kind of statement?

Unbelievable...

[Anonymous]

this thread has become self indulgent and highly annoying... lots of opinions out there, we know that. let's move on to something more constructive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Frankly, when you come right down to it, I think all pregnancies have some selfish component, especially the artificially assisted ones.

you are a b**ch - and you obviously have no idea how difficult it is for some people who want to have a child. even adoption can be difficult. and who the F**K cares if you are 46, or single, or gay, or a f'ing alien - it's none of anybody's business but that person's.

[Anonymous]

AGAIN...lets stop adding to this post. It doesn't seem to be helping anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Frankly, when you come right down to it, I think all pregnancies have some selfish component, especially the artificially assisted ones.

you are a b**ch - and you obviously have no idea how difficult it is for some people who want to have a child. even adoption can be difficult. and who the F**K cares if you are 46, or single, or gay, or a f'ing alien - it's none of anybody's business but that person's.

AMEN!!!