Is 46 too old to be TTC?

[Anonymous]

Hello Everyone-

I have a friend that is TTC through IVF at 46. I believe this to be a bad thing but was wondering if anyone else thought the same way I do. I am open to hearing all side of the debate.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

does she already have children? has she ever tried to get pregnant before?

[Anonymous]

High-risk, certainly. She needs to stay on top of her health and the baby's.

[Anonymous]

why is this a bad thing? if she were 42 would you feel the same way? I understand there are reservations about age of parenting (recently a single woman who got IVF at 64 or something died., leaving a young child..), and I do wonder about what different "Cut off" ages have been established at different clinics, and what the ethics communities might have to say about this...but that being said--

there a lot of factors to being a great parent, some of which may actually increase with age: emotional strength and stability, financial security, does onehave a partner or supportive family, etc. Finally, unless you have been in those shoes (eg, wanting a child, not having been able to have one--assuming this is her first? or even not), I think it is presumptuous to judge what is and isn't a good idea.

I still remember a convo I had with a 'youngster' of 30 who opined that if it didnt happen naturally, it wasn't meant to and you should just 'accept' that. I wondered what she might say if she decided to try to conceive at 35 (her plan) and it didn't happen naturally....i also wondered whether if I got cancer I should just 'accept' that too. I understand it's not the same thing and I'm getting off track, but there are complext

[Anonymous]

OP here...to clarify, she doesn't have any children. She actually just married a couple of years ago. She has been trying IVF now since her marriage with failed attempts and have had clinics turn her away due to her age. I worry about the health of the child to be honest with you. I don't believe in the fact that if it doesn't happen naturally then it wasn't meant to be. I am only 29 and have had to do IVF. I am all for IVF and believe that God gave the doctors the gift of being able to give women this opportunity. At 46 though the risks are so high! I don't understand why she doesn't try to adopt at this point....or even get a surrogate...I believe she is being selfing in wanting to be pregnant and is not looking at the bigger picture of just being able to obtain a child....

[Anonymous]

I think its none of your business, and if you both have kids and yours has a health problem and hers does not, you'll feel pretty darn stupid. I hope you'll also hold your tongue if its the other way around, but somehow I bet you'll still think badly of her no matter what. You can't predict how life turns out, you know.

[Anonymous]

She probably will used donor eggs so I don't see how her age can impact the "child's health"... however it is risk for her to be pregnant, but if she willing to is is her business only and maybe her husband's... certainly not yours.

[Anonymous]

I too would think that she would need to use a donor egg so I'm not sure what the issue would be with the child's health. When making these type of determinations quickly gets to question of what do you consider an appropriate cut off age? Is 42 too old?

[Anonymous]

I think having a friend like you is more toxic and harmful than her raising a child.

I doubt you have any concern for her health or her child's health - you just think its "wrong" to be "old" and want a child.

[Anonymous]

Your friend and her spouse have made the decision to pursue IVF, obviously in conjunction with the MD who is treating her. I'm sure she has discussed her options, risks, and chances of success with her doctor - you don't just "sign up" for IVF. It doesn't really matter if you think IVF at age 46 is a "bad thing." It sounds like she married later in life and very much wants to have the experience of pregnancy and carrying a child. I think that's very understandable and it's not "selfish." She doesn't just want to "obtain a child" (gosh, you make it sound like they're available by mail order!), she wants to carry and give birth to her child. Maybe she will eventually move on to surrogacy or adoption but she's not there yet so try to understand where she's coming from.

If you're her friend, try really hard to be supportive instead of judging her decision. She is likely to have a very difficult road ahead of her and could probably use a listening ear and your loving support, not judgment or criticism of her choice. I imagine it is hard even to decide to pursue IVF at that age - there must be so many naysayers. So don't be one of them, just be a friend.

[Anonymous]

She should be able to carry a child just fine at that age. Whether her eggs are still good is another issue, but if she is psychologically and financially able to withstand the stress of multiple rounds of IVF I don't see why she shouldn't go for it.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to get some facts straight. It is no more dangerous carrying a child at 46 as it is at 36 or 26 if the mom has good blood pressure, not overweight or other underlying health conditions etc. I am going to assume that she is using donor eggs so I don't think the additional risk of downs is going to be a factor for her but hey even if there were her own eggs, a lot of people have no problem with a special needs child. What the mom is going to have to face are people like you who are nice to her face but then question why she wants to have a child. No one seemed to worry about Donald Trump, Larry Kind or Warren Beatty having kids late but somehow a woman gaspppp should be shamed for wanting to have a child later. I am now officially an old mom since I had one of my children at 40 and you know what--it was easier at forty then in my thirties-and I know some moms who had their first well above 40 and they look great and are great. Good for them and hopefully your friend conceives soon.

[Anonymous]

OMG! This is the OP and I have to admit that you women are some nasty ass bitches. I asked a simple question and posed my concerns and I am chastised for that? Wow....you women need to grow the hell up. All I was doing was asking your opinion not asking you to judge. I am not judging her...I am simply concerned not only for her health but for her babys health and for her mental health as well. And for the woman that said something about my child being unhealthy and her's not....why don't you go to hell? How dare you wish that upon anyone! You need help woman!

[Anonymous]

Calm down please OP. Your post came across as judgemental so naturally some ladies defended a woman's right to conceive when she chooses. You will only get unvarnished opinions from anonymous posters, who will positively chortle if they see you squirm.
As you did in your last post. What an elegant and charitable person you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG! This is the OP and I have to admit that you women are some nasty ass bitches. I asked a simple question and posed my concerns and I am chastised for that? Wow....you women need to grow the hell up. All I was doing was asking your opinion not asking you to judge. I am not judging her...I am simply concerned not only for her health but for her babys health and for her mental health as well. And for the woman that said something about my child being unhealthy and her's not....why don't you go to hell? How dare you wish that upon anyone! You need help woman!

You were not asking for opinions, you were asking for people to validate your opinion. And my opinion is that it is none of your business, you friend has the right to do what she wants and you are a royal ass.