Is 46 too old to be TTC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi there, I'm also the other SMC who has a 2 yr old daughter and who is pregnant with twins. Apparently this troll or critical person is calling us selfish. Unbelievable eh? If anything it's quite the opposite. I don't know why she chooses to voice her negative opinion. To get us all upset? Oh well... i really should listen to people like her, so I will choose to blow her off. She's probably super jealous and is TTC herself.

I'm the single adoptive mom. Sorry, but I find no sense of sisterhood in stone-throwing, so you won't be engaging me in it. I don't like stones thrown at me, and I don't like to throw them. Too much wasted emotional energy all around.

Peace to all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, what did the RE tell you at the consult?

I was told that 98% of my eggs were bad. I got pregnant after the first consultation and without fertility drugs. At 11 weeks, I had a CVS at Thomas Jefferson in Phili, which was recommended by Dr. Gordon (Dominion Fertility).

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi there, I'm also the other SMC who has a 2 yr old daughter and who is pregnant with twins. Apparently this troll or critical person is calling us selfish. Unbelievable eh? If anything it's quite the opposite. I don't know why she chooses to voice her negative opinion. To get us all upset? Oh well... i really should listen to people like her, so I will choose to blow her off. She's probably super jealous and is TTC herself.

I'm the single adoptive mom. Sorry, but I find no sense of sisterhood in stone-throwing, so you won't be engaging me in it. I don't like stones thrown at me, and I don't like to throw them. Too much wasted emotional energy all around.

Peace to all.

Sorry I totally understand. I will not let it affect me. Peace ......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I am sorry you missed my point. Good luck to you with the new arrivals. As for nasty and negative, I think you just went there, not me.

It's me the single mother. Sorry for the confusion but my comment wasn't directed towards you but for the that statement that being an intentional single mother was far more selfish that someone TTC at 46. I saw your earier post and I understand your reasoning now. Thanks for the clarification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intentional single motherhood is ten times more selfish than attempting to conceive your first child at the age of 46. Older men who mke this decision are no less selfish, especially the Larry Kings, James Browns, and others who do it in their 60s or even 70s!

You can add Elton John to that list. Though, Ukraine denied Elton's request to adop a 14 m.o. due to his age and life style.

[Anonymous]

You all are angry because one person on an anonymous forum is willing to tell you what most people think. Why do you think single persons or those over the age of 40 are not allowed to adopt in countries like Korea? Is it because, unlike in the U.S., the child's interest, rather than the parent's "need," is actually a relevant factor?

Intentional biological single motherhood through anonymous sperm donation knowingly deprives a child of a father. It is the moral equivalent of a woman having a one-night stand on purpose to conceive. In fact, that woman is morally superior, in my view. At least she could possibly share one memory of her unfortunate child's sire 20 years down the line when the kid demands to know about his origins. People are free to do anything they want but that does not make their actions right or selfless.

Adopting a child is ameliorating an inherently tragic situation. Intentionally conceiving a fatherless child is creating such a situation. Your married friends will never tell you how irresponsible and self-centered they think you are but I will in the safety of this forum.

[Anonymous]

Excuse me for butting here.... been reading this very irrational converstaoin going on here.....

I am a child that was born into a bad marriage and have had therapy for years. I still suffer from PTSD from it all. I never had a dad, he spilt and I ever heard from him since I was 11. I am hurt that he just walked out on my and my sisters and we haven't heard from him since. In fact I have many friends whose parent just walked out and they never heard from him/her again. Now I wish I never had a father and was born thru an anonymous donor, at least I know that my mom really wanted and cared enough to want to bring me into her life. In fact I have a friend who used a sperm donor and her daughter is 21 now. She is the happiest and most well adjusted gal that I have ever met. She knows her bio father was a sperm donor and is very OK with that. In fact she doesn't even want to know more about him. Having children out of wedlock is becoming more common than you think and her friends and family think its great that her mother chose to have a child without a man so I do not know where you get your facts that most of the society feel that single mother hood is irresonsible and self centered, but quite the oppposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are angry because one person on an anonymous forum is willing to tell you what most people think. Why do you think single persons or those over the age of 40 are not allowed to adopt in countries like Korea? Is it because, unlike in the U.S., the child's interest, rather than the parent's "need," is actually a relevant factor?

Intentional biological single motherhood through anonymous sperm donation knowingly deprives a child of a father. It is the moral equivalent of a woman having a one-night stand on purpose to conceive. In fact, that woman is morally superior, in my view. At least she could possibly share one memory of her unfortunate child's sire 20 years down the line when the kid demands to know about his origins. People are free to do anything they want but that does not make their actions right or selfless.

Adopting a child is ameliorating an inherently tragic situation. Intentionally conceiving a fatherless child is creating such a situation. Your married friends will never tell you how irresponsible and self-centered they think you are but I will in the safety of this forum.

My single friend is 48 and she just adopted her 2nd child from China. BTW....I am very ok with her adopting as a single mom and so are her friends. I actually applaud her for HER CHOICE!!! She's going to give these girls a wonderful life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I am sorry you missed my point. Good luck to you with the new arrivals. As for nasty and negative, I think you just went there, not me.

It's me the single mother. Sorry for the confusion but my comment wasn't directed towards you but for the that statement that being an intentional single mother was far more selfish that someone TTC at 46. I saw your earier post and I understand your reasoning now. Thanks for the clarification.

Thank you for this post. I did feel bad when I seemed to make so many people upset. There is such joy in children. Good luck to you with yours.

[Anonymous]

With the joy comes responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the single mother who decided to go it solo and you have some nerve telling me I am selfish!! It's a very selfless thing to do!!! Think about it!!! My daughter is very lucky and special. I have several single mother friends who have adopted or have a child on thier own and thier kids are very happy and well adjusted. just as mine is. Motherhood is a wonderful thing regardless of how you go about it. I'm a very strong and nurturing gall who loves kids. It's so wrong to pass judgement unless you have walked in my shoes or know the slightest thing about me!!!

I know this about you: You can't spell. This leads one to conclude that you are not educated, which means that you are most likely under-employed, or not employed at all. Who, exactly, is going to take care of all of these children you are so "selflessly" bringing into the world to satisfy your own nuturing needs?

[Anonymous]

As a younger mom...with many mom friends of all ages through church and other groups I am involved with, I see first hand how selfless parents are that choose to adopt or are older or have a child in "unconventional" ways. These are people, for one reason or another, didn't have children the traditional way or time. But think about it - they are subjecting themselves to loads of frustration, sadness, monetary investment, negative society comments, etc. to have a child. That is dedication and the devotion to their child once it has arrived is amazing. There are so many people out there that are clueless to the lengths some people go through to be able to love a child. It is possible that these children may feel slighted down the road by not knowing their dad, being adopted, etc., but they will still be loved very much. traditional families aren't perfect either...think about children coming from broken homes, alcoholic parents, workaholic parents, families with health or financial concerns, etc. Think back to your upbringing and I guarantee you will find at least one thing to complain about or you wished was different. that is something we all have in common, but the difference is, you can overcome this if you are surrounded by people that love you...esp. your parent(s) whoever they may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the single mother who decided to go it solo and you have some nerve telling me I am selfish!! It's a very selfless thing to do!!! Think about it!!! My daughter is very lucky and special. I have several single mother friends who have adopted or have a child on thier own and thier kids are very happy and well adjusted. just as mine is. Motherhood is a wonderful thing regardless of how you go about it. I'm a very strong and nurturing gall who loves kids. It's so wrong to pass judgement unless you have walked in my shoes or know the slightest thing about me!!!

I know this about you: You can't spell. This leads one to conclude that you are not educated, which means that you are most likely under-employed, or not employed at all. Who, exactly, is going to take care of all of these children you are so "selflessly" bringing into the world to satisfy your own nuturing needs?

Pretty big leap there, wouldn't you say? Because she makes a few typos, she has no job and can't support her children??

By the way, it's nurturing. Ahem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the single mother who decided to go it solo and you have some nerve telling me I am selfish!! It's a very selfless thing to do!!! Think about it!!! My daughter is very lucky and special. I have several single mother friends who have adopted or have a child on thier own and thier kids are very happy and well adjusted. just as mine is. Motherhood is a wonderful thing regardless of how you go about it. I'm a very strong and nurturing gall who loves kids. It's so wrong to pass judgement unless you have walked in my shoes or know the slightest thing about me!!!

I know this about you: You can't spell. This leads one to conclude that you are not educated, which means that you are most likely under-employed, or not employed at all. Who, exactly, is going to take care of all of these children you are so "selflessly" bringing into the world to satisfy your own nuturing needs?

I'm very well educated and have my Masters (with a high paying job) and have plenty of money to care for 3 children and who cares for my kids is none of your business. . So my spelling is not the hottest and I misspelled THEIR. Excuse me. I was typing fast and have a tendency to make some errors, no one's perfect. You have nerve to talk, your spelling is not the greatest either, it's "nurturing". Also to add, there are many highly intelligent folks out there who can't spell, including my boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I am sorry you missed my point. Good luck to you with the new arrivals. As for nasty and negative, I think you just went there, not me.

It's me the single mother. Sorry for the confusion but my comment wasn't directed towards you but for the that statement that being an intentional single mother was far more selfish that someone TTC at 46. I saw your earier post and I understand your reasoning now. Thanks for the clarification.

Thank you for this post. I did feel bad when I seemed to make so many people upset. There is such joy in children. Good luck to you with yours.

Thank you, your wishes mean so very much to me. I have a lot of love and care to give to children and I know my children will grow up very happy and secure with themselves. Best wishes....