Is 46 too old to be TTC?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, but we don't call each other "nasty ass bitches" on this forum.
You'll have to post elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello Everyone-

I have a friend that is TTC through IVF at 46. I believe this to be a bad thing but was wondering if anyone else thought the same way I do. I am open to hearing all side of the debate.

Thank you

Even if people agreed with you that this is a bad thing, so what. Was it you intention to print out a number of responses from anonymous posters in the hope of swaying your friend's decision?

[Anonymous]

What business is it of yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG! This is the OP and I have to admit that you women are some nasty ass bitches. I asked a simple question and posed my concerns and I am chastised for that? Wow....you women need to grow the hell up. All I was doing was asking your opinion not asking you to judge. I am not judging her...I am simply concerned not only for her health but for her babys health and for her mental health as well. And for the woman that said something about my child being unhealthy and her's not....why don't you go to hell? How dare you wish that upon anyone! You need help woman!

Not PP, but get a grip! I can see that you yourself don't judge much. 8)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...to clarify, she doesn't have any children. She actually just married a couple of years ago. She has been trying IVF now since her marriage with failed attempts and have had clinics turn her away due to her age. I worry about the health of the child to be honest with you. I don't believe in the fact that if it doesn't happen naturally then it wasn't meant to be. I am only 29 and have had to do IVF. I am all for IVF and believe that God gave the doctors the gift of being able to give women this opportunity. At 46 though the risks are so high! I don't understand why she doesn't try to adopt at this point....or even get a surrogate...I believe she is being selfing (selfish) in wanting to be pregnant and is not looking at the bigger picture of just being able to obtain a child....

Wow!! Who died and put you in charge? On what authority do you say that God gave the doctors the gift of life? But, you cannot receive this "gift" if you are 46 yo. I believe that it was not too long ago that IVF was considered unethical, against teachings of church, etc. As more women start families later in life, this will no longer be an issue. If you see a woman over 40 with a baby, it's likely that she's had some help with IVF and even used donor eggs. I hope your friend gets plenty of support from friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...to clarify, she doesn't have any children. She actually just married a couple of years ago. She has been trying IVF now since her marriage with failed attempts and have had clinics turn her away due to her age. I worry about the health of the child to be honest with you. I don't believe in the fact that if it doesn't happen naturally then it wasn't meant to be. I am only 29 and have had to do IVF. I am all for IVF and believe that God gave the doctors the gift of being able to give women this opportunity. At 46 though the risks are so high! I don't understand why she doesn't try to adopt at this point....or even get a surrogate...I believe she is being selfing in wanting to be pregnant and is not looking at the bigger picture of just being able to obtain a child....

OP -- you are the one being judgemental. I assure you that your friend is well aware of the risks. As others have said, it is more than likely that she is using donor eggs. If for some reason she is using her own eggs (highly unlikely at 46) then there is a good chance that they are doing PGD on the embryos. While both adoption and IVF are roads to parenthood, it is short sighted to think of one as a simple substitution for the other. Either path requires a tremendous amount of soul searching.

[Anonymous]

What on earth is the danger to her psychological health? I am much better equipped now (psychologically) at 43 to handle a kid that I was at 30.

[Anonymous]

The only danger to this woman's health is her relationship with toxic people like you. I hope she reads this site, figures out who you are, and drops you. Life is too short to waste with judgmental know-it-alls.

[Anonymous]

At 46 I think she would encounter difficulties with many adoption programs anyway.

[Anonymous]

Three words for you OP: Know your audience. DCUM has lot of older moms so of course you're going to have a lot of people calling you names and being extremely defensive. Terrible place for a question like this. All you'll succeed in doing is offending a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

My mother got pregnant with me at 40, had me about a month aftee she turned 41. This was in 1985 and they tried to get her to abort, they thought she was to old. I wouldn't change a thing but sometimes I get sad and upset thinking that my mom will pass away way before I'm ready for her too. We are best friends but she also had 3 boys and 1 girl, who were all in late teens and early 20s when she had me. Sometimes I get mad thinking about how much more time they got to have with my amazing mom and that I missed out.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 40 and my second at 44, neither were IVF or the result of fertility drugs, both pregnancies were planned and happily uneventful and I realize I am very lucky. Just for the record, both of my daughters are incredibly healthy and coordinated, the older one is stop strangers in their tracks bright and the second appears to be on track to be quite a match for her older sister.

I am also married, well educated, financially secure and a heck of a lot more patient than I was at 29.

I really do not say this to brag, but to inform OP because she does not appear to have much actual knowledge on the subject of "advanced maternal age". I frankly do not think that my family is that unusual in this area. Women, including your friend, are individuals not statistics and her doctor is the best person to judge whether their are reasons to be concerned. As a PP noted, assuming donor eggs the pregnancy risks for an IVF mom at 46 are really no higher than for women 10 years younger.

My one regret is along the lines of 22:10, I get sad when I think how old I will be when my daughters (hopefully) have their own families. That is not, however, reason for me not to have had them, just recognition of how life works out and that all is not perfect for anyone.

BTW - I read somewhere that births to women in their 40s are at their highest level since before birth control. Many women have always been physically capable of having healthy babies in their 40s, it is just not something that all women can count on.

[Anonymous]

Well, I hope it's not too old, b/c I'm 48 and just had my second DE transfer. Anyway, one point that you bring out indirectly is that before birth control, women had no choice but to have kids til menopause stopped them or they died, which they did pretty young. Today we think it's unnatural for women to have babies through their forties, because we don't see it, but that wasn't true 100 years ago. Women were very relieved to be able to limit their family sizes and avoid the risk of older pregnancy. Today doctors can largely control the risks of older pregnancies. OP, no one seems to have a problem with RE's helping women in their 20's and 30's with major health problems have babies, yet there's this hue and cry when they help healthy women in their forties and fifties have kids. And the chances of a woman in her forties living to see her children to adulthood is greater than a woman in her twenties doing so not that many years ago. Think about it. Peggy

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 40 and my second at 44, neither were IVF or the result of fertility drugs, both pregnancies were planned and happily uneventful and I realize I am very lucky. Just for the record, both of my daughters are incredibly healthy and coordinated, the older one is stop strangers in their tracks bright and the second appears to be on track to be quite a match for her older sister.

I am also married, well educated, financially secure and a heck of a lot more patient than I was at 29.

I really do not say this to brag, but to inform OP because she does not appear to have much actual knowledge on the subject of "advanced maternal age". I frankly do not think that my family is that unusual in this area. Women, including your friend, are individuals not statistics and her doctor is the best person to judge whether their are reasons to be concerned. As a PP noted, assuming donor eggs the pregnancy risks for an IVF mom at 46 are really no higher than for women 10 years younger.

My one regret is along the lines of 22:10, I get sad when I think how old I will be when my daughters (hopefully) have their own families. That is not, however, reason for me not to have had them, just recognition of how life works out and that all is not perfect for anyone.

BTW - I read somewhere that births to women in their 40s are at their highest level since before birth control. Many women have always been physically capable of having healthy babies in their 40s, it is just not something that all women can count on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 46 I think she would encounter difficulties with many adoption programs anyway.

Not true. I adopted a domestic newborn when I was just short of 45. I could have done it up to 50, and even beyond, with my agency.

[Anonymous]

not to revive and beat a dead horse, but my great aunt had her 4th--surprise!!--child at 45. All were healthy, happy and delighted, and the pregnancy, delivery were no different than her earlier children, and the youngest had the benefit of experienced parents and lots of siblings. So, assuming a 46 year old can conceive (her eggs, donor eggs), there's no other reason why she would be less fit as a mother than a younger woman. No doubt if she is trying fertility procedures, she is well aware of the risks, pros, cons, and most of all the chances of conceiving and bearing a healthy child. None of that is easy to deal with, so support or, barring that, keeping your opinions to yourself is probably for the best.