Housewife vs SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

But aren't most women the family manager? I work full time and do everything on your list except volunteer. I do a lot during my lunch hour.

Yeah I don't get this either. PP, all working parents do everything on your list. AND work.

Wait- I thought dual working families had an equal split of household duties? We hear that all the time on here!

ITA with you that many women run the home AND work full time and no- I don't want to do that.

Good lord, are you always this literal, or is that the time out of the workforce hindering your processing speed?

My husband and I both do some of the things on that list. The point is that working parents aren't exempt from grocery shopping, sorting old clothes, planning vacations, "searching for lost items" (SAHMs can find anything to justify what they do all day). We're just way more efficient at it all. And manage to contribute to the world and our bank accounts, as well. YMMV.

Sounds like you're working too hard. Maybe you need a day off so you won't be so bitter, or jealous. Enjoy your contribution to the world. When I worked, I felt like I was irreplaceable and doing important work. Now, I realize the most important work is being there for my family.

Jealous? I have a significant personal net worth, and work by choice. I work for personal fulfillment and because I enjoy using my intellect and yes, earning money. I'm also there for my family, as my kids are in school until 3:30, go to an hour of aftercare or sports, and I pick them up between 4:30 and 5. I go to every school event, field trip, etc - have never missed one because of work. So how am I not there for my kids?

If being called "family manager" because you sort socks and "find lost items" makes you feel useful, go for it.

New poster here. You may do all those things really well. I do. You may have all the money in the world. Good for you. The problem is, at the end of the day you are still you. I sure as hell would not want to be the kind of person who wrote the above. And I do work outside the home. My SAH mom friends do not need to "find anything to justify what they do all day". What they are doing is vastly more important than anything I do at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

But aren't most women the family manager? I work full time and do everything on your list except volunteer. I do a lot during my lunch hour.

Yeah I don't get this either. PP, all working parents do everything on your list. AND work.

Wait- I thought dual working families had an equal split of household duties? We hear that all the time on here!

ITA with you that many women run the home AND work full time and no- I don't want to do that.

Good lord, are you always this literal, or is that the time out of the workforce hindering your processing speed?

My husband and I both do some of the things on that list. The point is that working parents aren't exempt from grocery shopping, sorting old clothes, planning vacations, "searching for lost items" (SAHMs can find anything to justify what they do all day). We're just way more efficient at it all. And manage to contribute to the world and our bank accounts, as well. YMMV.

Sounds like you're working too hard. Maybe you need a day off so you won't be so bitter, or jealous. Enjoy your contribution to the world. When I worked, I felt like I was irreplaceable and doing important work. Now, I realize the most important work is being there for my family.

Jealous? I have a significant personal net worth, and work by choice. I work for personal fulfillment and because I enjoy using my intellect and yes, earning money. I'm also there for my family, as my kids are in school until 3:30, go to an hour of aftercare or sports, and I pick them up between 4:30 and 5. I go to every school event, field trip, etc - have never missed one because of work. So how am I not there for my kids?

If being called "family manager" because you sort socks and "find lost items" makes you feel useful, go for it.

New poster here. You may do all those things really well. I do. You may have all the money in the world. Good for you. The problem is, at the end of the day you are still you. I sure as hell would not want to be the kind of person who wrote the above. And I do work outside the home. My SAH mom friends do not need to "find anything to justify what they do all day". What they are doing is vastly more important than anything I do at work.

I take offense to that, considering that I was replying to this: Maybe you need a day off so you won't be so bitter, or jealous. Enjoy your contribution to the world. When I worked, I felt like I was irreplaceable and doing important work. Now, I realize the most important work is being there for my family. calling me bitter, jealous, and implying that I'm not "there for my family."

And SAHMs of school age kids are not doing anything 'vastly important.'

[Anonymous]

Enough with the Mommy wars people!! Just stop! Own your choices and stop trying to make yourself feel better by bashing someone else. I've been both a career woman and a SAHM and they are both hard jobs, with benefits and downsides. Be grown-a$$ women and do what's best for you and your family. Don't whine about how hard you have it and how easy someone else has it. You don't know anything until you've walked in another Mom's shoes - whether they are SAHM sneakers or sensible career pumps.

[Anonymous]

Remember Roseanne?

In the late 80's she coined the term "Domestic Goddess."

Or was it "Domestic Engineer...??!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

But aren't most women the family manager? I work full time and do everything on your list except volunteer. I do a lot during my lunch hour.

I'm the PP originally wuoted. I also volunteer occasionally at the school. But truly, out of the 35 hours a week in without a kid, the few hours I'm at the school don't change much. I'm not *with* my children. And every adult does the other things you listed, regardless of employment.

We all have only 24 hours in a day, whether we work for pay or not. If you are working in an office during the day, you have to do all of the domestic chores in your non-working hours. Yes, you still do most of the same things that a SAHM does but it's squeezed into fewer hours, which means weekends are spent on household chores or that DH and kids have to pull more weight. As a SAHM, my family gets to enjoy our relaxed weekends together without scrubbing toilets or schlepping to Costco. You do you, I'll do me.

THIS. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

But aren't most women the family manager? I work full time and do everything on your list except volunteer. I do a lot during my lunch hour.

I'm the PP originally wuoted. I also volunteer occasionally at the school. But truly, out of the 35 hours a week in without a kid, the few hours I'm at the school don't change much. I'm not *with* my children. And every adult does the other things you listed, regardless of employment.

We all have only 24 hours in a day, whether we work for pay or not. If you are working in an office during the day, you have to do all of the domestic chores in your non-working hours. Yes, you still do most of the same things that a SAHM does but it's squeezed into fewer hours, which means weekends are spent on household chores or that DH and kids have to pull more weight. As a SAHM, my family gets to enjoy our relaxed weekends together without scrubbing toilets or schlepping to Costco. You do you, I'll do me.

THIS. Well said.

Yeah, I guess I will be doing me. Specially since that means maintaining my sense of self that is not dependent on my kids nd husband (oh, the horror!) My career and my individuality is more important than my kids' ability not to go to Costco on Saturdays. Which we actually don't do, since I work full time, but only 3 days per week.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother was a housewife. She ran the house, did the cooking and cleaning, raised the kids, managed the family appointments, sorted out the clothes and even made a lot of it, was involved in the local neighborhood and schools and charities.

My mother was a homemaker. She ran the house, did the cooking and cleaning, raised the kids, managed the family appointments, sorted out the clothes and made the Halloween costumes, was involved in the local neighborhood and schools and charities.

I'm a SAHM. I run the house, do the cooking and cleaning, raise the kids, manage the family appointments, sorted out the clothes and make the costumes and am involved in the local neighborhood and schools and volunteer at charities.

It's all the same when you get down to it. Just different terminology to suit the times.

[Anonymous]

Professional Beached Whale describes it pretty accurately

[Anonymous]

I just say I am "able to stay home with the kids"

[Anonymous]

Do you work? "No. I'm at home". I don't feel the need to explain it any more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

But aren't most women the family manager? I work full time and do everything on your list except volunteer. I do a lot during my lunch hour.

I'm the PP originally wuoted. I also volunteer occasionally at the school. But truly, out of the 35 hours a week in without a kid, the few hours I'm at the school don't change much. I'm not *with* my children. And every adult does the other things you listed, regardless of employment.

We all have only 24 hours in a day, whether we work for pay or not. If you are working in an office during the day, you have to do all of the domestic chores in your non-working hours. Yes, you still do most of the same things that a SAHM does but it's squeezed into fewer hours, which means weekends are spent on household chores or that DH and kids have to pull more weight. As a SAHM, my family gets to enjoy our relaxed weekends together without scrubbing toilets or schlepping to Costco. You do you, I'll do me.

THIS. Well said.

Yeah, I guess I will be doing me. Specially since that means maintaining my sense of self that is not dependent on my kids nd husband (oh, the horror!) My career and my individuality is more important than my kids' ability not to go to Costco on Saturdays. Which we actually don't do, since I work full time, but only 3 days per week.

This is not a normal situation, so you are on a mighty privileged high horse, there. I don't care how many hours you work on you three whole days, it is still only three days. You have plenty of time to do household things on those other four days. A lot of people who work full time often have to work the traditional 8-5 but also often a bit on evenings and weekends too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ I've come to believe the difference between working moms and sahms/housewives is lack of efficiency in the latter group.

In our school, many of the room moms and volunteers are moms that at least still work part-time. The sahs are too over-whelmed and always want to tell you how busy they are.

ITA!! I work full time and also manage our household and carpool and volunteer and all the other nonsensical crap SAHMs do.

[Anonymous]

I think housewife = stays at home & has no kids.

SAHM = doing housewife duties & has kids.

I heard a young girl tell her friend that she wanted to be a SAHM but without the mom part, but she didn't know what it was called. Her friend said "really wealthy."

Cracked me up because most of the housewives I know are very wealthy and do not have kids. Of course, they also do zero housewife duties, so there's that.

[Anonymous]

I would argue that I am BOTH a WOHM and a homemaker. All those chores and errands that make things run smoothly and give us a pleasant life haven't vanished just because I get a salary. If I could outsource the ickiest ones I would, but I would still have a long list of things that need love involved to be done really well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ I've come to believe the difference between working moms and sahms/housewives is lack of efficiency in the latter group.

In our school, many of the room moms and volunteers are moms that at least still work part-time. The sahs are too over-whelmed and always want to tell you how busy they are.

ITA!! I work full time and also manage our household and carpool and volunteer and all the other nonsensical crap SAHMs do.

Managing a household and carpooling and volunteering is nonsensical crap? Or is it only nonsensical crap when people do it who (a) are women and (b) don't work for pay?

The Mommy Wars are stupid and distracting. Can we please stop them already?