Sister-in-Law doesn't want to be a parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I was annoyed by SIL once again abdicating her parental responsibility again, and changing up agreed upon schedules with no notice to suit her desires. Just like she does every holiday. Just like she did when she visited us in Minnesota. Just like she did when we all took FIL for a long weekend 60th birthday trip. This time it just happened to involve MIL.

Op, just quit. If you're like this IRL, I'm sure MIL was happy for the chance to get away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly amazed at the negative things I hear other mothers saying out loud about their children -- or other people's children! -- while these children are within earshot. And these loud mothers are so self-involved they think the children aren't listening.

The children are listening.

Yes, they're listening and observing and, unfortunately, misinterpreting. While you may have been annoyed at your SIL, the child probably interpreted your annoyance as being directed toward him. Why wouldn't he? His own mother's directing annoyance at him on a regular basis just because he's a kid who needs nurturance, and she feels his needs as burdensome.

Poor kid. Good thing his grandmother seems to care about him. Still, sounds like a lot of damage is being done to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you posted originally to complain about what a lousy parent your SIL is. But as many PPs have already commented, what you're really annoyed about is the fact that she's infringing on what you see as your exclusive claim on your MIL's time to help you move.

Here's the thing: your MIL is not your property. She has a choice in what she does. If she wants to take on responsibility for your nephew, her grandson, that's her choice. And your tough luck.

And while I get that your family doesn't hire movers yadayada, here's another thing - you'd have a legitimate complaint if you had hired movers and they instead chose to watch your nephew. So the bottom line is that you get what you pay for. And kudos to your MIL for helping all her kids and grandchildren so readily. A little gratitude from ALL of you might be nice.

So next time you want to complain about what a lousy parent your SIL is, maybe you should look in the mirror and think about where you stack up in the rankings of DILs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why are folks here so determined to paint the SIL as an okay parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you hire movers? Most people do.

Because her MIL is apparently a spry 50+ year old....

I can't imagine asking my mom or MIL to drive hours to help me move when we could pay someone a reasons amount to do it for us. Are finances really tight OP?

OP here. Helping each other move is the norm in our families. We helped MIL move right before I got pregnant. We helped SIL a couple of years ago. When my parents relocated to Florida, DH and I helped with that too.My dad flew.out to.Minnesota to help us move to DC years ago. If a family member is.moving and you can help, you do. Just how it is in our families. But, frankly, I'm not going to throw money at movers when we only moved 2 blocks away.

Reading DCUM, it also seems like.most people have housecleaners. I've hired a cleaner exactly once, and that was when we sold our old house. Otherwise, DH and I clean our own home. We have the money, but it's not something we would spend it on. Different values and priorities for people.

Ok but that's how you end up posting on DCUM about your family (in this case, SIL) being a hindrance and not helping you move.

THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HIRE PROFESSIONAL MOVERS. Your family is not made up of professional movers, you're not paying them and in fact they are doing you a special favor, so you get what you get and you don't get to complain. Complaining about it after the fact is super tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids dearly but 3 kids 27/7 for 7 days is exhausting. I still do it of course and have never had a nanny but a mother of one child for 5 months has no idea how tiring (yet fun!). And the nephew was coming over later that day anyway. SIL may be a bad mother but OP is an entitled jerk. And those of you that agree with her are too.

This is insanely immature.

It was your choice to have three kids. You made your bed, now lie in it.

If I were you, I'd keep thoughts like this to myself from now on because it does not reflect well on you.

Totally.

Wha? It's not ok for a mom to say it's exhausting to spend 24/7 with 3 kids?

because it was your choice to have three kids? Unless you had triplets, you knew what life was like with first one kid, then two. You can't tell me you didn't have any kind of inkling that life would be harder with AN EXTRA PERSON in the mix.

People generally don't like debbie downers and people who complain all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids dearly but 3 kids 27/7 for 7 days is exhausting. I still do it of course and have never had a nanny but a mother of one child for 5 months has no idea how tiring (yet fun!). And the nephew was coming over later that day anyway. SIL may be a bad mother but OP is an entitled jerk. And those of you that agree with her are too.

This is insanely immature.

It was your choice to have three kids. You made your bed, now lie in it.

If I were you, I'd keep thoughts like this to myself from now on because it does not reflect well on you.

I bet you are not a parent. Or you have one sweet baby. Ha. Vacationing with three kids is exhausting, especially if they are all young. That's why people with young kids don't like to travel, it's just the reality. Only one of SIL's kid is young, but it's still tiring. Just you wait until you parent two plus kids. Taking care of them at home is so much easier. Eating out at restaurants is not easy. I decline invitations from grandparents to take us all out, I offer to serve them whatever food we were going to eat if they can come over instead. Traveling with kids is surprisingly extra all consuming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I was annoyed by SIL once again abdicating her parental responsibility again, and changing up agreed upon schedules with no notice to suit her desires. Just like she does every holiday. Just like she did when she visited us in Minnesota. Just like she did when we all took FIL for a long weekend 60th birthday trip. This time it just happened to involve MIL.

Op, just quit. If you're like this IRL, I'm sure MIL was happy for the chance to get away from you.

+1 you sound exhausting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids dearly but 3 kids 27/7 for 7 days is exhausting. I still do it of course and have never had a nanny but a mother of one child for 5 months has no idea how tiring (yet fun!). And the nephew was coming over later that day anyway. SIL may be a bad mother but OP is an entitled jerk. And those of you that agree with her are too.

This is insanely immature.

It was your choice to have three kids. You made your bed, now lie in it.

If I were you, I'd keep thoughts like this to myself from now on because it does not reflect well on you.

I bet you are not a parent. Or you have one sweet baby. Ha. Vacationing with three kids is exhausting, especially if they are all young. That's why people with young kids don't like to travel, it's just the reality. Only one of SIL's kid is young, but it's still tiring. Just you wait until you parent two plus kids. Taking care of them at home is so much easier. Eating out at restaurants is not easy. I decline invitations from grandparents to take us all out, I offer to serve them whatever food we were going to eat if they can come over instead. Traveling with kids is surprisingly extra all consuming.

Dude, yes. Seriously. Save us your sanctimoniousness, PP. You're clearly talking out of your a$$