Way too attracted to a dad at school.... how to defuse it?

[Anonymous]

You don't give kids graphic details of adultery.

You tell them the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated. All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it.

Good for you. You did it right.

My dad cheated, my parents divorced. My mom made it clear every time I saw her that my dad and his cheating was the reason for divorce. It got to the point I just couldn't be around mom anymore. When you tear into my dad (or my mom) you tear into me (that's how it feels to kids, trust me on this).

Sorry to derail the thread. I liked to OP's topic better, the hot mom in lingerie pining over the neighbor, far more entertaining!

Yup.

Im the poster up thread who had a cheating XDH and instead of taking poor dysfunctional advice from DCUM in how to handle kids in a divorce, all four of us saw a therapist together to make sure the split was as painless as it could be. NEVER EVER once did this family thesrspist tell us that it was healthy to subject our kids to the gruesome details of our divorce. We assured the kids that we both loved them dearly and spent time visualizing what it would be like living in separate households. We made it clear to them that they were in no wsy to blam for our failure to remain married. The therapist warned us NOT to harbor bitterness and rancor and not to use the kids as emotional weapons, much like the sour posters here so aptly demonstrate. This kind of stunted emotional behavior backfires.

XDH and I live ,75 miles apart and the kids can bike between houses. We both show up at nearly every sporting/school event and often have to coordinate being at two places at one time. Putting the kids needs before my ego has been critical for their healthy growth. Its been 10 years and never once have the asked for any details. They know they have 2 parents who love them and their world is a secure one. The best thing we ever did was the second we decided to split, first stop was a family therapist to help us put the kids first. I assure you, the peanut gallery doesn't have sound advice. No therapist is going to sanction kids being used as weapins.

I wouldn't take advice from a therapist that told me keeping secrets and lying to my kids was appropriate.

Again, no graphic details and no ranting. No attack on the cheater. Just truth.

[Anonymous]

Troll. Took a page from Bad Moms and posted in DCUM. Double troll move, but the fat guys liked your lingerie visualization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't give kids graphic details of adultery.

You tell them the truth.

We did tell them the truth. We fell out of love. It happens. It is not necessary to tell them that dad banged a chick at the gym and it made mom disgusted to the point she could not be married any longer. The bottom line is we fell out of love. It never even occured to me to tell the kids the sorrid details. I made the decision to walk away. You will not find a thearapist in the world thay will tell you to air your dirty laundry to your kids. Sorry, no matter how many different ways you say it, parents who do this are bad parents. Saying it 7 ways to Sunday doesn't change that fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated. All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it.

Good for you. You did it right.

My dad cheated, my parents divorced. My mom made it clear every time I saw her that my dad and his cheating was the reason for divorce. It got to the point I just couldn't be around mom anymore. When you tear into my dad (or my mom) you tear into me (that's how it feels to kids, trust me on this).

Sorry to derail the thread. I liked to OP's topic better, the hot mom in lingerie pining over the neighbor, far more entertaining!

Yup.

Im the poster up thread who had a cheating XDH and instead of taking poor dysfunctional advice from DCUM in how to handle kids in a divorce, all four of us saw a therapist together to make sure the split was as painless as it could be. NEVER EVER once did this family thesrspist tell us that it was healthy to subject our kids to the gruesome details of our divorce. We assured the kids that we both loved them dearly and spent time visualizing what it would be like living in separate households. We made it clear to them that they were in no wsy to blam for our failure to remain married. The therapist warned us NOT to harbor bitterness and rancor and not to use the kids as emotional weapons, much like the sour posters here so aptly demonstrate. This kind of stunted emotional behavior backfires.

XDH and I live ,75 miles apart and the kids can bike between houses. We both show up at nearly every sporting/school event and often have to coordinate being at two places at one time. Putting the kids needs before my ego has been critical for their healthy growth. Its been 10 years and never once have the asked for any details. They know they have 2 parents who love them and their world is a secure one. The best thing we ever did was the second we decided to split, first stop was a family therapist to help us put the kids first. I assure you, the peanut gallery doesn't have sound advice. No therapist is going to sanction kids being used as weapins.

I wouldn't take advice from a therapist that told me keeping secrets and lying to my kids was appropriate.

Again, no graphic details and no ranting. No attack on the cheater. Just truth.

No matter what the kids will find out at some point in their life. If dad all of a sudden moves in with town bicycle you can't or shouldn't hide it. I know some therapists. Many are just as f'd up as other people out there. I would try to do it as nicely as possible. "Mom/Dad didn't want to be married and wants to be with Suzie..but he still loves you". This is why you don't cheat. If you don't want to be marriage get out and do it amicably. Once someone cheats they've already initiated a hostile divorce. Not wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will end up hating you because dh will tell them someday. Work with your DH. This guy might be attractive, but believe me he has his faults.

Yep, I did. Wife cheated, when kids asked why I told them. When they were younger I didn't say much but that their mom liked someone better than me. When they got older I told them. No point in hiding it, it's the truth. Don't do stuff if you're not prepared for the consequences and the the truth.

You're sick. My DH cheated on me in no way in HELL would I burden my children with that. Jesus, what a selfish prick you are. You are a real piece of shit.

NP. Boy, this is an emotional angry response. You really wish you could tell them don't you? Therapy, lady.

Misdirected anger at it's finest. PP thinks she's protecting her kids, but in reality she's trying to protect herself if she can keep up the picture of perfection she won't have to deal with the fact her husband IS a cheater.
Yes is he hasn't and won't stop.

How do I know this? My dad cheated on my mom. She didn't tell us, no she was like you and pretended. I found out anyway.

Follow along please. The woman is divorced. Don't cha think she realized he wouldn't stop when she decided to divorce him?

Keep up!

I'm the guy that originally posted I told my kids. When they were younger I didn't tell them, just that mommy didn't love me anymore. Probably wrong.

When they got older I told them. It was the truth, I'm an honest person and try not to lie. They asked the real reason and I told them. That is the fact, she's a cheater.

I moved on but they hated their step-mom and I had to tell them the reason I moved on. It is what it is. Protecting kids from reality doesn't help them when they get older. That's why we have whiny college kids and young adults. Most have a hard time facing the truth and a lot of times it's brutal and unforgiving. The world is a shitty place and people are shitty to you more often than not, that's life. Anyways, their opinion of their step-mom has changed so that's one positive outcome.

So you threw your kids' mom under the bus to make them like their step mom more. You still f*cking suck.

Um no...he just told them the truth. His ex wife was a whore and broke up
The marriage. That's the truth.

Agree. He did the right thing. Cheaters understandably have a hard time with this, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should definitely go for it. YOLO!!!!!


Plus, it'll give your husband a concrete reason to divorce your sorry ass, instead of just the gnawing suspicions he has about you now.


Go for it.

Yes her husband married low. Hope he sees the light before too many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll. Took a page from Bad Moms and posted in DCUM. Double troll move, but the fat guys liked your lingerie visualization.

I do she what OP did there, ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated. All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it.

Good for you. You did it right.

My dad cheated, my parents divorced. My mom made it clear every time I saw her that my dad and his cheating was the reason for divorce. It got to the point I just couldn't be around mom anymore. When you tear into my dad (or my mom) you tear into me (that's how it feels to kids, trust me on this).

Sorry to derail the thread. I liked to OP's topic better, the hot mom in lingerie pining over the neighbor, far more entertaining!

Yup.

Im the poster up thread who had a cheating XDH and instead of taking poor dysfunctional advice from DCUM in how to handle kids in a divorce, all four of us saw a therapist together to make sure the split was as painless as it could be. NEVER EVER once did this family thesrspist tell us that it was healthy to subject our kids to the gruesome details of our divorce. We assured the kids that we both loved them dearly and spent time visualizing what it would be like living in separate households. We made it clear to them that they were in no wsy to blam for our failure to remain married. The therapist warned us NOT to harbor bitterness and rancor and not to use the kids as emotional weapons, much like the sour posters here so aptly demonstrate. This kind of stunted emotional behavior backfires.

XDH and I live ,75 miles apart and the kids can bike between houses. We both show up at nearly every sporting/school event and often have to coordinate being at two places at one time. Putting the kids needs before my ego has been critical for their healthy growth. Its been 10 years and never once have the asked for any details. They know they have 2 parents who love them and their world is a secure one. The best thing we ever did was the second we decided to split, first stop was a family therapist to help us put the kids first. I assure you, the peanut gallery doesn't have sound advice. No therapist is going to sanction kids being used as weapins.

I wouldn't take advice from a therapist that told me keeping secrets and lying to my kids was appropriate.

Again, no graphic details and no ranting. No attack on the cheater. Just truth.

No matter what the kids will find out at some point in their life. If dad all of a sudden moves in with town bicycle you can't or shouldn't hide it. I know some therapists. Many are just as f'd up as other people out there. I would try to do it as nicely as possible. "Mom/Dad didn't want to be married and wants to be with Suzie..but he still loves you". This is why you don't cheat. If you don't want to be marriage get out and do it amicably. Once someone cheats they've already initiated a hostile divorce. Not wise.

Exactly. Family secrets tend to become a huge issue with teenagers and young adult kids

You aren't protecting them by lying. You are protecting the cheater.

Again, no one suggests anyone bludgeon their kids with parental adultery.

However, you are setting your kids up to be incredibly hurt when the realize the truth. Hearing about parental adultery not from the parents, perhaps rumors or statements of fact from other family members or step brothers or sisters or family friends will be like a punch to the gut for kids who have no idea.

[Anonymous]

10 years from now in Family forum: "My Dad Cheated on my Mom and I never knew!"

[Anonymous]

The kids will think you are both lame for choosing such poor mates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a single dad at school and I can't stop thinking about him. Our kids are friends, we see each other at parties and pick up/drop off. My DH and he are amicable, if not close friends. . I have found myself very attracted to him and can't stop thinking about starting something with him. I know it would devastate my husband, who is a good guy and a great dad. It would also blow up my whole circle of friends. Husband and I just don't seem to have a very exciting sex life these days (I've tried but he's not interested lately). I really am in the mood for some down and dirty. I WAH and so does the single dad... and i can't stop thinking. Have been getting relief by putting on lingerie in the middle of the day and taking things into my own hands, but it isn't helping.

So glad summer is coming and I won't see him as much. I feel so much sexual tension between us... dropped off something his kid forgot at his house last night and it was all I could do not to go for it in the driveway. I know this is wrong.

Remind me of all the downsides. I need a reality check.

Yet more evidence that men should never get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated. All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it.

Good for you. You did it right.

My dad cheated, my parents divorced. My mom made it clear every time I saw her that my dad and his cheating was the reason for divorce. It got to the point I just couldn't be around mom anymore. When you tear into my dad (or my mom) you tear into me (that's how it feels to kids, trust me on this).

Sorry to derail the thread. I liked to OP's topic better, the hot mom in lingerie pining over the neighbor, far more entertaining!

Yup.

Im the poster up thread who had a cheating XDH and instead of taking poor dysfunctional advice from DCUM in how to handle kids in a divorce, all four of us saw a therapist together to make sure the split was as painless as it could be. NEVER EVER once did this family thesrspist tell us that it was healthy to subject our kids to the gruesome details of our divorce. We assured the kids that we both loved them dearly and spent time visualizing what it would be like living in separate households. We made it clear to them that they were in no wsy to blam for our failure to remain married. The therapist warned us NOT to harbor bitterness and rancor and not to use the kids as emotional weapons, much like the sour posters here so aptly demonstrate. This kind of stunted emotional behavior backfires.

XDH and I live ,75 miles apart and the kids can bike between houses. We both show up at nearly every sporting/school event and often have to coordinate being at two places at one time. Putting the kids needs before my ego has been critical for their healthy growth. Its been 10 years and never once have the asked for any details. They know they have 2 parents who love them and their world is a secure one. The best thing we ever did was the second we decided to split, first stop was a family therapist to help us put the kids first. I assure you, the peanut gallery doesn't have sound advice. No therapist is going to sanction kids being used as weapins.

I wouldn't take advice from a therapist that told me keeping secrets and lying to my kids was appropriate.

Again, no graphic details and no ranting. No attack on the cheater. Just truth.

No matter what the kids will find out at some point in their life. If dad all of a sudden moves in with town bicycle you can't or shouldn't hide it. I know some therapists. Many are just as f'd up as other people out there. I would try to do it as nicely as possible. "Mom/Dad didn't want to be married and wants to be with Suzie..but he still loves you". This is why you don't cheat. If you don't want to be marriage get out and do it amicably. Once someone cheats they've already initiated a hostile divorce. Not wise.

Exactly. Family secrets tend to become a huge issue with teenagers and young adult kids

You aren't protecting them by lying. You are protecting the cheater.

Again, no one suggests anyone bludgeon their kids with parental adultery.

However, you are setting your kids up to be incredibly hurt when the realize the truth. Hearing about parental adultery not from the parents, perhaps rumors or statements of fact from other family members or step brothers or sisters or family friends will be like a punch to the gut for kids who have no idea.

I can attest to this. When I found out my mother had an affair on my father I didn't find out from them. I found out from someone else as rumors get started circulating and the gossip got back to me. I was devastated and angry that I was never told the truth. I would have rather have heard it from my parents then through gossip.

[Anonymous]

You made a commitment to your husband for life. It is a good thing that you have not acted on your desires. I am hopeful that the summer will give you the break you need to rekindle the relationship with your husband. Talk to a counselor if you need to. Enjoy your family with summer!

[Anonymous]

As an adult I found out about parental affairs. (FWIW they are still together). I'm not hurt and I don't think my whole childhood was a lie. But if I'd found out as a teenager, it probably would have been much much different. As it stands, I'm proud of them for sticking together despite the challenges.