Reply to Way too attracted to a dad at school.... how to defuse it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated.  All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it. [/quote]

Good for you.  You did it right.

My dad cheated, my parents divorced.  My mom made it clear every time I saw her that my dad and his cheating was the reason for divorce.  It got to the point I just couldn't be around mom anymore.  When you tear into my dad (or my mom) you tear into me (that's how it feels to kids, trust me on this).

Sorry to derail the thread.  I liked to OP's topic better, the hot mom in lingerie pining over the neighbor, far more entertaining![/quote]

Yup.

Im the poster up thread who had a cheating XDH and instead of taking poor dysfunctional advice from DCUM in how to handle kids in a divorce,  all four of us saw a therapist together to make sure the split was as painless as it could be. NEVER EVER once did this family thesrspist tell us that it was healthy to subject our kids to the gruesome details of our divorce. We assured the kids that we both loved them dearly and spent time visualizing what it would be like living in separate households. We made it clear to them that they were in no wsy to blam for our failure to remain married.  The therapist warned us NOT to harbor bitterness and rancor and not to use the kids as emotional weapons, much like the sour posters here so aptly demonstrate. This kind of stunted emotional behavior backfires.

XDH and I live ,75 miles apart and the kids can bike between houses. We both show up at nearly every sporting/school event and often have to coordinate being at two places at one time. Putting the kids needs before my ego has been critical for their healthy growth. Its been 10 years and never once have the asked for any details. They know they have 2 parents who love them and their world is a secure one. The best thing we ever did was the second we decided to split, first stop was a family therapist to help us put the kids first. I assure you, the peanut gallery doesn't have sound advice. No therapist is going to sanction kids being used as weapins.[/quote]

I wouldn't take advice from a therapist that told me keeping secrets and lying to my kids was appropriate.

Again, no graphic details and no ranting. No attack on the cheater. Just truth.[/quote]

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