My sister let her son drop out of UVA to work a dead-end job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck explaining the gap when trying to get a job...

Really? Nobody cares about job "gaps" that occur before the acquisition of a bachelor's degree.

Sure, if you want a job at a company that hires every warm body. At my office taking five or six years to finish a BA automatically throws your resume in the electronic trash.

How would anyone know ?
I only list my year the degree was obtained.

Years attended? Transcript verification? "Explain this job you had [back home] for two years"? How about grad school admissions?

Like I said, if the kid wants to work at some low-prestige company, sure, I doubt many will notice or care. And if the kid never wants to go to a good grad school, who cares, I guess.

I have never had anyone look at a transcript.
I don't list years attended even though I graduated on time.
Nor do I list every job I had, WHO CARES!

You've never had a high-status job. I'm sorry this is over your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to suggest that a woman who raised a son who got into UVA probably knows a thing or two about reaching goals...

Bc UVA is Harvard? Get over yourself, it's a state school.

OP - while people are enjoying bagging on you and while you could have been gentler, I get what you are saying and it's not as rare as you'd think. These helicopter moms are raising their kids - ESP boys - with some much hovering and with so many pats on the back every time they take a piss, that when these boys get to college and face any adversity - a hard class; a class that's curved so not everyone can get an A; or simple not having home cooked meals and rides around town and 24-7 positive affirmation - they fall apart. As much as people here LOVE to spin everything as mental illness - it typically isn't. It's just a realization that life was really good in mama's arms so they want to go running back there and instead of taking tough love approaches that were more common back in the day, mama is happy to have her baby back. And in no way do I believe that ALL of these guys turn into these wonderful success stories - bc there are plenty of 35 yr olds still living at home and aimless in their career, if they have one at all.

There is literally no evidence to support these attitudes. This "suck it up buttercup" narrative of epidemic proportions they've been sold is fucking hilarious. But it makes people feel good, that warm and fuzzy righteous indignation, because it reinforces their life view, what THEY have done, how no one helped them, blah blah. Newflash, kids beyond age say. 5 or 6, don't all get trophies, kids are hovered but also under even more pressure than when I was growing up (1980) 10 fold because of the schism of high achieving UMC families from the rest of the SES strata, etc.
Get over your fucking self. Also, stop posting on FB so much, old people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck explaining the gap when trying to get a job...

Really? Nobody cares about job "gaps" that occur before the acquisition of a bachelor's degree.

Sure, if you want a job at a company that hires every warm body. At my office taking five or six years to finish a BA automatically throws your resume in the electronic trash.

How would anyone know ?
I only list my year the degree was obtained.

Years attended? Transcript verification? "Explain this job you had [back home] for two years"? How about grad school admissions?

Like I said, if the kid wants to work at some low-prestige company, sure, I doubt many will notice or care. And if the kid never wants to go to a good grad school, who cares, I guess.

I have never had anyone look at a transcript.
I don't list years attended even though I graduated on time.
Nor do I list every job I had, WHO CARES!

You've never had a high-status job. I'm sorry this is over your head.

You are completely full of sh%#. Your college experience matters for exactly one thing, your first job application. No one gives a flying @#$% after that and if you are in an industry where this is a requirement then it is BY FAR the minority and you should at least be aware of that. PLENTY of normal companies that don't care. Once you have real life job experience it becomes 1000% more relevant than college.

[Anonymous]

If he's happier and she's happier, who cares. Stop being a nosy parker

[Anonymous]

Just be supportive and don't judge. He will find his way eventually. He has a long life ahead of him and if you really think that what he is doing at the age of 20 dictates the rest of his life than your own must be very traditional, linear and, frankly, boring. Everyone has their own path, and 4 years of college and then grad school shortly afterward isn't everyones path. Even those who are ultimately successful and happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck explaining the gap when trying to get a job...

Really? Nobody cares about job "gaps" that occur before the acquisition of a bachelor's degree.

Sure, if you want a job at a company that hires every warm body. At my office taking five or six years to finish a BA automatically throws your resume in the electronic trash.

How would anyone know ?
I only list my year the degree was obtained.

Years attended? Transcript verification? "Explain this job you had [back home] for two years"? How about grad school admissions?

Like I said, if the kid wants to work at some low-prestige company, sure, I doubt many will notice or care. And if the kid never wants to go to a good grad school, who cares, I guess.

I have never had anyone look at a transcript.
I don't list years attended even though I graduated on time.
Nor do I list every job I had, WHO CARES!

You've never had a high-status job. I'm sorry this is over your head.

You are completely full of sh%#. Your college experience matters for exactly one thing, your first job application. No one gives a flying @#$% after that and if you are in an industry where this is a requirement then it is BY FAR the minority and you should at least be aware of that. PLENTY of normal companies that don't care. Once you have real life job experience it becomes 1000% more relevant than college.

NO, the PPs point is that even those with a "big-status" job at the age of 38 wouldn't need to list the job they had at Home Depot when they were 20 and taking a break from a traditional college path. They would put the college they ultimately graduated from, no starting date is needed really, and then the following relevant jobs that followed. OP's nephew may just end up being a more interesting and LESS JUDGEMENTAL person because of this period of his life, and will hopefully learn that many people have had experiences beyond what their "high-status" lives may reveal. That's some thing not everyone has figured out, I guess...^^^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm going to suggest that a woman who raised a son who got into UVA probably knows a thing or two about reaching goals...

^ oh dear, I think this may be the worst post

Well, o.k. You raise a kid that can get accepted into UVA. I don't care if he/she actually goes there. Maybe they'll go to Harvard instead or wherever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do know the whole story -- she coddled him and made him a weak nancy and now she's happy he boomeranged. It's beyond selfish. And bragging about him being home on facebook shows how deluded she is. It should be embarrassing, not celebrated. Think about what she's signaling to her son and his younger siblings.

So, you didn't really want to ask people's opinions, you just wanted people to pile on with your righteous anger. Enjoy the anonymous public shaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While living at home. She sees nothing wrong with it, "at least he's working ... the money's not that bad." Average summer internship of a McIntire student is more than he could make in 6 months. Even worse, she's all over Facebook posting about how great it is to have all the family together every weekend. The young man is 20 years old.

Am I wrong to judge? It's painful to witness this stupidity. Zero regard for his long term success.

1. At age 20 he's an adult. It was his choice, not your sister's.

2. There's nothing wrong with it.

3. Not everyone is cut out for college even if they are very smart, but they don't realize it until they actually attend for a while.

4. Everyone of us has to find our own path in life, which include making plenty of mistakes which we call "experience." No two people can follow the same path. Right now, your nephew's path through life does not include UVA.

[Anonymous]

Alternative title "I'm taking a Sabatical from college and my uncle won't stop being a huge asshole about it"

[Anonymous]

A weird gap and poor grades (safe assumption) eliminate any chance at a decent job or grad school -- ever. Both of these things are probably not on his mind right now, but one day they will. Facebook photos and positive spin? Ha! I'd be livid my kid just blew 60k, embarrassed around town, and scared shitless he'll never launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A weird gap and poor grades (safe assumption) eliminate any chance at a decent job or grad school -- ever. Both of these things are probably not on his mind right now, but one day they will. Facebook photos and positive spin? Ha! I'd be livid my kid just blew 60k, embarrassed around town, and scared shitless he'll never launch.

You've said that over and over OP, but very few people share your opinion.

And sure wasting $60K sucks but wasting $240k is even worse. Some people need to take time off to figure out what they truly want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A weird gap and poor grades (safe assumption) eliminate any chance at a decent job or grad school -- ever. Both of these things are probably not on his mind right now, but one day they will. Facebook photos and positive spin? Ha! I'd be livid my kid just blew 60k, embarrassed around town, and scared shitless he'll never launch.

You've said that over and over OP, but very few people share your opinion.

And sure wasting $60K sucks but wasting $240k is even worse. Some people need to take time off to figure out what they truly want

You're projecting.

[Anonymous]

Have a kid that didn't finish college? Hard to explain that to friends as well as the moms you haven't seen for a while and meet at a party or volunteer event. The UMC type A parents who continually pat themselves on the back because their kid chose the direct route to success are judgmental about the parenting skills of those whose kids are obviously meandering.

You may also meet parents whose kids have fallen completely off track and into trouble. It is certainly easier to say my kid is getting an MBA at Duke Fuqua, than my kid is taking time off from school and working as a UPS package handler. That look of pity/wow my kid would never do that, is often quite clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A weird gap and poor grades (safe assumption) eliminate any chance at a decent job or grad school -- ever. Both of these things are probably not on his mind right now, but one day they will. Facebook photos and positive spin? Ha! I'd be livid my kid just blew 60k, embarrassed around town, and scared shitless he'll never launch.

Glad nobody told my husband that. He took 9 years and 4 schools to complete his undergraduate degree. Eventually went to a decent law school, graduated at the top of his class, and has been a lobbyist for 20 years.

I'm a professor and I wish more of my students would take a break and grow up. They're under pressure from clueless parents (and aunts and uncles, apparently) to take a very specific path. Their parents' demands and preconceptions are seldom accurate. What they really need is to make their own choices and pick themselves up if they stumble.