Sil is too involved in our lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they from a very poor Indian family? It's hard for me to fathom how any normal person from any culture would think it is ok to sleep in the same bedroom as a married couple? Does she have zero common sense? Maybe on tv where an entire poor family sleeps in one room. Anywhere else? I just don't believe someone would be so clueless.

Did you and DH not have sex during the 6 months she stayed in your bedroom?

Dh says his family was poor. I went to India and his parents now have a nice home. His oldest sister is a doctor. There are a lot of weird things about dh. I love him but god he's god he's clueless.

We have sex during the week and a few times we have checked into hotels so his sister can sleep in our bedroom. I wish I we're joking. It's ridiculous.

Hotel? I thought for a guy who makes his wife live in a 1BR with baby in the bed and sister on an air mattress, the back room os a 7/11 would be more up to his extacting standards!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they from a very poor Indian family? It's hard for me to fathom how any normal person from any culture would think it is ok to sleep in the same bedroom as a married couple? Does she have zero common sense? Maybe on tv where an entire poor family sleeps in one room. Anywhere else? I just don't believe someone would be so clueless.

Did you and DH not have sex during the 6 months she stayed in your bedroom?

Dh says his family was poor. I went to India and his parents now have a nice home. His oldest sister is a doctor. There are a lot of weird things about dh. I love him but god he's god he's clueless.

We have sex during the week and a few times we have checked into hotels so his sister can sleep in our bedroom. I wish I we're joking. It's ridiculous.

Hotel? I thought for a guy who makes his wife live in a 1BR with baby in the bed and sister on an air mattress, the back room os a 7/11 would be more up to his extacting standards!

Now you're making stuff up. She doesn't sleep on an air mattress . My husband doesn't " make me " live in a 1 bedroom. Did an Indian steal your job? You sound racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Indian, OP?
This is typical behavior in many Indian families when a family member arrives in the US, unfortunately.

For 3 years?!?!? I really like my sil actually but we live in a small apartment. It's messing up my marriage. I can't eat Indian food every day. He's always comparing me to his sister. It's so frustrating.

I am an Indian, married to an Indian. My SIL lives in India but the involvement, comparisons and gifting is exactly what happening in my life and its ruining my married life. Fortunately for me they visit only once a year. If this happened every weekend, I would have called it quits long back. Until you give him a rude awakening to set up boundaries, this is not going to stop. Like other posters said the problem is your husband and he see's no reason to stop as he is getting best of both worlds.
Wish you luck.

[Anonymous]

The OP said they can't afford to move to a bigger place, and then later on says, they go to hotels from time to time to get away from the SIL.

Yeah, this can't be real.

If this is true, the husband needs to tell his sister to pay her own bills, and everything else in life. The sister is using her brother, end of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP said they can't afford to move to a bigger place, and then later on says, they go to hotels from time to time to get away from the SIL.

Yeah, this can't be real.

If this is true, the husband needs to tell his sister to pay her own bills, and everything else in life. The sister is using her brother, end of story.

Op here: I'm not going to go into details explaining this. We don't want to move to a 2 bedroom for several reasons. Most likely we will be moving from the area soon so there's that. The hotel expenses are usually covered with hotel rewards. $100 here and there isn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's sister is so involved in our lives. At first I thought it was cute he wanted to help his sister adjust to the us. She lived with us for 6 months and then moved back after a month because she couldn't get along with her roommates. It took her forever to find roommates because they had to be Indian and some other weird requirements ( go to the same tier grad school, not have guys over). His sister is 30 btw. She finally found a job a few months ago in Baltimore and she comes to stay with us every weekend ( Friday to Monday morning). She says its so she came cook and do laundry. She's basically cooking my husbands food all weekend. She is also not happy with her new roommates . They drink her orange juice or something. I'm just so done with this. Why does he baby his sister so much? He also buys her tons of crap even though we barely have any savings. Stuff like dresses, new cell phones etc etc She had a nice job before moving to the US so I know she has savings. He lets her borrow our nice car so she can go out with her friends. He bought her a car . I could go on and on and on.

Just starting to read this thread, but y'all are going to hear me scream the first time I read the cultural bullshit card

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Indian, OP?
This is typical behavior in many Indian families when a family member arrives in the US, unfortunately.

For 3 years?!?!? I really like my sil actually but we live in a small apartment. It's messing up my marriage. I can't eat Indian food every day. He's always comparing me to his sister. It's so frustrating.

I am an Indian, married to an Indian. My SIL lives in India but the involvement, comparisons and gifting is exactly what happening in my life and its ruining my married life. Fortunately for me they visit only once a year. If this happened every weekend, I would have called it quits long back. Until you give him a rude awakening to set up boundaries, this is not going to stop. Like other posters said the problem is your husband and he see's no reason to stop as he is getting best of both worlds.
Wish you luck.

Thank you for posting this. I was wondering if it's an Indian thing or just my husbands issue. I talked to him about it today and he keeps telling me to stop bringing it up because it's embarrassing. I told his sister she can't stay next weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Indian, OP?
This is typical behavior in many Indian families when a family member arrives in the US, unfortunately.

For 3 years?!?!? I really like my sil actually but we live in a small apartment. It's messing up my marriage. I can't eat Indian food every day. He's always comparing me to his sister. It's so frustrating.

I am a white European.

Unless your husband says/does something this can go on forever till SIL gets married or moves for a job. Even modern Indians back home have 'joint families' where the parents stay with adult married sons, often two to three families in a single household sharing a kitchen and finances. Many Indians wouldn't see anything weird in your setup.

My husband always lead me to believe she would only stay with us for a few months. If we had a bigger place it might be ok. We live in a one bedroom apartment and she stays in our bedroom. I'm not even kidding.

As you've been told already, you have a husband problem. And you'll divorce before it changes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Indian, OP?
This is typical behavior in many Indian families when a family member arrives in the US, unfortunately.

For 3 years?!?!? I really like my sil actually but we live in a small apartment. It's messing up my marriage. I can't eat Indian food every day. He's always comparing me to his sister. It's so frustrating.

I am a white European.

Unless your husband says/does something this can go on forever till SIL gets married or moves for a job. Even modern Indians back home have 'joint families' where the parents stay with adult married sons, often two to three families in a single household sharing a kitchen and finances. Many Indians wouldn't see anything weird in your setup.

My husband always lead me to believe she would only stay with us for a few months. If we had a bigger place it might be ok. We live in a one bedroom apartment and she stays in our bedroom. I'm not even kidding.

As you've been told already, you have a husband problem. And you'll divorce before it changes

That's not going to happen anytime soon. We have a young child.

[Anonymous]

Have you shown your DH this thread? You should definitely show it to him because every single person thinks it is unacceptable that his sister is sleeping in your bedroom. You are seriously a saint because I would probably be able to put up with it for one weekend visit but after that, she would get the living room. Your DH is the problem. What kind of adult male thinks it is ok for his sister to sleep in the same room as he and his wife?!?! I don't care what culture. I'm Asian-American and I understand being giving financially. I have also bought my younger brother a car, pay for his cell phone and buy him clothes. No way in hell would he be sleeping in my bedroom with my DH. He wouldn't want to. DH wouldn't want him to. So awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP said they can't afford to move to a bigger place, and then later on says, they go to hotels from time to time to get away from the SIL.

Yeah, this can't be real.

If this is true, the husband needs to tell his sister to pay her own bills, and everything else in life. The sister is using her brother, end of story.

Op here: I'm not going to go into details explaining this. We don't want to move to a 2 bedroom for several reasons. Most likely we will be moving from the area soon so there's that. The hotel expenses are usually covered with hotel rewards. $100 here and there isn't a big deal.

$100 here and there adds up.....money you could be putting into savings to get a better living situation.
Hotel rewards do not last forever either.

[Anonymous]

Why haven't you just told her that she can NOT sleep in your bedroom. End of discussion. I don't understand.
Your house, your life, your rules.
TELL HER to get out.

[Anonymous]

We've been trolled, y'all. Confirmed by Jeff - http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/605271.page