Sil is too involved in our lives

[Anonymous]

DH's sister is so involved in our lives. At first I thought it was cute he wanted to help his sister adjust to the us. She lived with us for 6 months and then moved back after a month because she couldn't get along with her roommates. It took her forever to find roommates because they had to be Indian and some other weird requirements ( go to the same tier grad school, not have guys over). His sister is 30 btw. She finally found a job a few months ago in Baltimore and she comes to stay with us every weekend ( Friday to Monday morning). She says its so she came cook and do laundry. She's basically cooking my husbands food all weekend. She is also not happy with her new roommates . They drink her orange juice or something. I'm just so done with this. Why does he baby his sister so much? He also buys her tons of crap even though we barely have any savings. Stuff like dresses, new cell phones etc etc She had a nice job before moving to the US so I know she has savings. He lets her borrow our nice car so she can go out with her friends. He bought her a car . I could go on and on and on.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Major boundary issues, and before someone asks, no, it's not related to that culture. As a grad student, I had Indian friends and they were all late 20s, early 30s, with room-mates, they did have special requirements for finding the right type of room-mates so as to avoid food and cooking differences... BUT they were independent and none of them were moochers.

You have a DH problem, OP. He probably feels the need to care for his sister, but you need to explain to him that this level of care goes above and beyond and that the couple is the priority here. This means that if you should have your say in where the money is going, and how couple time should be spent. Ie, not on SIL.

[Anonymous]

Agree. The issue is with your dh.

[Anonymous]

Why is he buying her cell phones? I generally keep the same cell for four to five years before needing to replace it.

You have a husband problem, not a sister in law problem. Work on the husband.

[Anonymous]

That's what most Southeast Asian families do. They're very close and very much in each other's business. They expect family to help family and they are 'thrifty' but it a way that makes sense financially for them. By staying with you for half a year, she's putting herself on better financial footing for her future. By using your laundry machine, your water bill, your power bill instead of her own or even getting an apartment with that amenity she saves money. Bonus is that she gets to see family while she's doing it.

Get used to it. If she has a job and/or is going to school, her family will say its you that has the problem not her.

[Anonymous]

Also she's cooking your husband's food because you aren't and he doesn't want to. Learn how to make a good sambar and this problem might go away. If you won't, he'll continue to mooch off her cooking services and she'll get him to repay her with small things like laundry and a cell phone bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's what most Southeast Asian families do. They're very close and very much in each other's business. They expect family to help family and they are 'thrifty' but it a way that makes sense financially for them. By staying with you for half a year, she's putting herself on better financial footing for her future. By using your laundry machine, your water bill, your power bill instead of her own or even getting an apartment with that amenity she saves money. Bonus is that she gets to see family while she's doing it.

Get used to it. If she has a job and/or is going to school, her family will say its you that has the problem not her.

+1000

[Anonymous]

She should focus her time and energy on dating. Isn't 30 like super old for an Indian woman? I was told after 25, their stock drops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's what most Southeast Asian families do. They're very close and very much in each other's business. They expect family to help family and they are 'thrifty' but it a way that makes sense financially for them. By staying with you for half a year, she's putting herself on better financial footing for her future. By using your laundry machine, your water bill, your power bill instead of her own or even getting an apartment with that amenity she saves money. Bonus is that she gets to see family while she's doing it.

Get used to it. If she has a job and/or is going to school, her family will say its you that has the problem not her.

She's been with us for 3 years and no I am not going to get used to it. Are you always this bitchy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's what most Southeast Asian families do. They're very close and very much in each other's business. They expect family to help family and they are 'thrifty' but it a way that makes sense financially for them. By staying with you for half a year, she's putting herself on better financial footing for her future. By using your laundry machine, your water bill, your power bill instead of her own or even getting an apartment with that amenity she saves money. Bonus is that she gets to see family while she's doing it.

Get used to it. If she has a job and/or is going to school, her family will say its you that has the problem not her.

She's been with us for 3 years and no I am not going to get used to it. Are you always this bitchy?

This is a DH problem, not a SIL problem. Do you have kids? Does she at least babysit for you?

[Anonymous]

You married an Indian guy?!?!?!?? Werent you warned?

[Anonymous]

Are you Indian, OP?
This is typical behavior in many Indian families when a family member arrives in the US, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's what most Southeast Asian families do. They're very close and very much in each other's business. They expect family to help family and they are 'thrifty' but it a way that makes sense financially for them. By staying with you for half a year, she's putting herself on better financial footing for her future. By using your laundry machine, your water bill, your power bill instead of her own or even getting an apartment with that amenity she saves money. Bonus is that she gets to see family while she's doing it.

Get used to it. If she has a job and/or is going to school, her family will say its you that has the problem not her.

She's been with us for 3 years and no I am not going to get used to it. Are you always this bitchy?

This is a DH problem, not a SIL problem. Do you have kids? Does she at least babysit for you?

We live in a 1 bedroom with a baby. She's offered to babysit but we don't need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you Indian, OP?
This is typical behavior in many Indian families when a family member arrives in the US, unfortunately.

For 3 years?!?!? I really like my sil actually but we live in a small apartment. It's messing up my marriage. I can't eat Indian food every day. He's always comparing me to his sister. It's so frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Indian, OP?
This is typical behavior in many Indian families when a family member arrives in the US, unfortunately.

For 3 years?!?!? I really like my sil actually but we live in a small apartment. It's messing up my marriage. I can't eat Indian food every day. He's always comparing me to his sister. It's so frustrating.

I am a white European.