Daughter and grandson just turned down full scholarship to Maryland (UMD)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear the daughter's version of events. I bet she's been down this road before and is tired of the strings and the disapproval that come with these gifts. I'm guessing her financial decisions aren't all bad, either.

From OP: They've borrowed money from us in the past, they recently had to get rid of an SUV they couldn't afford, and they're slightly overextended on their home.

Yeah, the daughter's version of events probably revolves around Pops not opening his wallet quickly enough and/or complaining that her husband doesn't make enough money. Let's get real. Seems they didn't fear all the disapproval when they were borrowing money earlier.

I'd wager that it's nothing like that.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they simply see college as the opportunity for their son to spread his wings and discover himself. It's hard to do that if you are constantly being watched under a microscope....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he is not interested in UMD - not really your business why, or how his parents will pay for college, unless they're asking you to contribute. Based on your post it sounds like there is a history of intrusiveness and control. I'd guess your daughter is fed up and doesn't want to deal with your reaction, so she's letting you find out passively.

A facebook post on Saturday said he was rooting for the Maryland football team and wished he could have gone to the game versus Rutgers. How does one get fed up with a scholarship?

Fed up with you, not with the scholarship. You are being pretty pushy. You are the grandparent. You don't get to decide where your grandson will go to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is giving family a bee line to a scholarship worth $60,000 "controlling"? Some of you are looney tunes.

Offering the opportunity is not controlling. It's very generous.

Having a meltdown because the family member said "No, thank you" and is pursuing other opportunities is controlling.

All you can do for family is offer help. If they say "No, thank you," you back off and let them run their own lives. Not your decision to make.

[Anonymous]

I guaran-fucking-tee the parents have no idea what college costs. I graduated from a middle class high school and every kid had big dreams about colleges X Y and Z up until the winter of senior year ... when it came down to it well over half the kids ended up at the local cc and commuter college.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like poor communication, and if scholarship is there but he has to get accepted to UMD first, maybe too embarrassed to tell you he can't get in. Should apply anyway, the worse that can happen is he doesn't get in. Without applying he certainly gets nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Study the old Gilmore Girls episodes. You're going about this wrong. You can make them all come to Friday night dinner if you play this right.

[Anonymous]

OP, our daughter got a full ride scholarship to a good school, but after visiting, an overnight visit and some additional research, we as a family decided the school wasn't a good fit for her, and sent her to a smaller liberal arts college with very little in merit aid.

Is it at all possible that there are reasons why your daughter's family decided that the son will thrive in a different school? Maybe he got into a top school and they think the loans and financial sacrifice is worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, our daughter got a full ride scholarship to a good school, but after visiting, an overnight visit and some additional research, we as a family decided the school wasn't a good fit for her, and sent her to a smaller liberal arts college with very little in merit aid.

Is it at all possible that there are reasons why your daughter's family decided that the son will thrive in a different school? Maybe he got into a top school and they think the loans and financial sacrifice is worth it?

Good school, as in caliber of UMD? OP said her grandson is a low match for UMD, so it doesn't sound like better offers are on the horizon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never heard of these scholarships that are given to "connected" people rather than merit. Are these organizations 501c3 or c4s that are getting a tax exemption for charitable or social welfare activities? How is it consistent with those missions to have scholarship giveaways to family and friends? This seems totally shady to me.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, our daughter got a full ride scholarship to a good school, but after visiting, an overnight visit and some additional research, we as a family decided the school wasn't a good fit for her, and sent her to a smaller liberal arts college with very little in merit aid.

Is it at all possible that there are reasons why your daughter's family decided that the son will thrive in a different school? Maybe he got into a top school and they think the loans and financial sacrifice is worth it?

Good school, as in caliber of UMD? OP said her grandson is a low match for UMD, so it doesn't sound like better offers are on the horizon.

Yes, I would say the "good school" is on par with UMD. She ended up going to a Claremont school though.

I agree wholeheartedly with pp @ 11:55, a family who makes good money but are on the verge of having a vehicle repossessed most likely has no clue how expensive college is, or what it takes for a kid to be accepted to good schools. A lot of my friends with rising seniors were shocked and panicked at the cost of college, and even more distraught when they found out that their good students didn't have the resumes, ECs and scores to get into the (name brand) colleges of their dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear the daughter's version of events. I bet she's been down this road before and is tired of the strings and the disapproval that come with these gifts. I'm guessing her financial decisions aren't all bad, either.

From OP: They've borrowed money from us in the past, they recently had to get rid of an SUV they couldn't afford, and they're slightly overextended on their home.

Yeah, the daughter's version of events probably revolves around Pops not opening his wallet quickly enough and/or complaining that her husband doesn't make enough money. Let's get real. Seems they didn't fear all the disapproval when they were borrowing money earlier.

I'd wager that it's nothing like that.

So what do you think it's like, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Study the old Gilmore Girls episodes. You're going about this wrong. You can make them all come to Friday night dinner if you play this right.

Emily is one of my favorite characters.

[Anonymous]

It's sad that real-life Richard died and he can't be in the re-make.

[Anonymous]

Did OP ever answer this basic question: doesn't the student have to be ADMITTED to UMD independently before he can use your free private scholarship? Isn't it possible that the family would love to use it but thinks the child will not get in?