Caught my child drinking at a Parent sanctioned party… WYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

It doesn't really work that way.

Not only does it not work that way but that isn't even what the OP described. The other parents were there condoning drinking and smoking.

And drinking at Mass? I mean really are equating that to allowing your kids to drink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A private home during non-school hours. Why in hell does the school need to be involved? Unless it was during school hours, on school property or during a school function, the school has NOTHING to do with this incident.

Because as a parent at the school, you agree to certain rules of the community to ensure that children are kept safe. It's in our parent agreement, to which we have to sign and agree in order to enroll our children. If you as a parent with a child at the school knowingly serve alcohol to minors, you have violated the rules that we agree to as a community. If you don't agree, you don't have to send your kid to the private school. No one is forcing you to send your kid there. You voluntarily agree to the school and its values.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A private home during non-school hours. Why in hell does the school need to be involved? Unless it was during school hours, on school property or during a school function, the school has NOTHING to do with this incident.

Because as a parent at the school, you agree to certain rules of the community to ensure that children are kept safe. It's in our parent agreement, to which we have to sign and agree in order to enroll our children. If you as a parent with a child at the school knowingly serve alcohol to minors, you have violated the rules that we agree to as a community. If you don't agree, you don't have to send your kid to the private school. No one is forcing you to send your kid there. You voluntarily agree to the school and its values.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

It doesn't really work that way.

Not only does it not work that way but that isn't even what the OP described. The other parents were there condoning drinking and smoking.

And drinking at Mass? I mean really are equating that to allowing your kids to drink?

I'm not sure I'm following the logic about Mass in this post either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

Once again, Einstein, all the research out there says you are wrong. The key is being firm about your beliefs and expectations. Drinking under age is against the law and you expect your children to abide by the law. Kids who are raised in houses like these are less likely to drink in high school, less likely to binge drink, and less likely to develop drinking problems.

The research is also unequivocal that the earlier kids start drinking, the more likely they are to develop alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

Once again, Einstein, all the research out there says you are wrong. The key is being firm about your beliefs and expectations. Drinking under age is against the law and you expect your children to abide by the law. Kids who are raised in houses like these are less likely to drink in high school, less likely to binge drink, and less likely to develop drinking problems.

The research is also unequivocal that the earlier kids start drinking, the more likely they are to develop alcoholism.

I think the key is the amount of alchohol parents drink in the home. My parents did not drink at home, did not allow alcohol of any sort. All of my friends and I binge drank in high school; most of us stopped in college, except those friends whose parents drank the most at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

Pretty sure a teen who drinks wrote this.....^^^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

It doesn't really work that way.

Not only does it not work that way but that isn't even what the OP described. The other parents were there condoning drinking and smoking.

And drinking at Mass? I mean really are equating that to allowing your kids to drink?

I'm not sure I'm following the logic about Mass in this post either

Glad I'm not alone.

[Anonymous]

Kids don't become binge drinkers because its the forbidden fruit. They either will or they won't. Most who drink in teens and early 20s binge. I know we did and it was 20 years ago almost. Permissiveness/ sanctioning doesn't deter, it just doesn't. It normalizes. Your kid might be a casual/ light drinker or may be a binger or may abstain pretty much regardless of your policy. Talk about driving and getting in cars more than anything!

I think if your kid thinks drinking at home is OK they are definitely going to drink just as much if not more away from parents.

OP sorry, no advice since it was an awkward situation in the moment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

All that quote says is that women who may not have had a partying HS experience felt able to do so in college. This is due to WAY more factors than parental oversight. It fails to look at all the BS issues teens face in HS concerning popularity, invitations to parties, etc. Sure lots of girls who weren't given the time of day in HS go to college with tons of people they don't know and are now plenty 'cool' enough to find their own party environment, etc. Correlation and causation. Tons of actual research says that early onset (even supervised early onset) leads to MORE use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

Once again, Einstein, all the research out there says you are wrong. The key is being firm about your beliefs and expectations. Drinking under age is against the law and you expect your children to abide by the law. Kids who are raised in houses like these are less likely to drink in high school, less likely to binge drink, and less likely to develop drinking problems.

The research is also unequivocal that the earlier kids start drinking, the more likely they are to develop alcoholism.

I think the key is the amount of alchohol parents drink in the home. My parents did not drink at home, did not allow alcohol of any sort. All of my friends and I binge drank in high school; most of us stopped in college, except those friends whose parents drank the most at home.

What you think is not data.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

Once again, Einstein, all the research out there says you are wrong. The key is being firm about your beliefs and expectations. Drinking under age is against the law and you expect your children to abide by the law. Kids who are raised in houses like these are less likely to drink in high school, less likely to binge drink, and less likely to develop drinking problems.

The research is also unequivocal that the earlier kids start drinking, the more likely they are to develop alcoholism.

I think the key is the amount of alchohol parents drink in the home. My parents did not drink at home, did not allow alcohol of any sort. All of my friends and I binge drank in high school; most of us stopped in college, except those friends whose parents drank the most at home.

What you think is not data.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

Did I not write - "my experience." I didn't claim this was data.

You say you don't know how you will handle when your kids are teens. The data derived from research tells you how to handle it: Make it clear that underage drinking is not acceptable. Model responsible drinking among adults. Don't normalize underage drinking.

Base your parenting on available research, just as you do for e.g. nutrition, education, sleep, breastfeeding.

Please. The research on c-sections say my kids should be criminals and breastfeeding indicates compromised immune systems as infants/toddlers. Neither bore out because the research often has spurious correlations.

[Anonymous]

OP - The most important thing is to keep talking to your teen about your values and why it is important. Secondly to be sure you are clear on why he or she should never stay I such a group setting. The key is absolutely no drinking and driving and don't get in a car with one who has been.
Unfortunarely, there are always going to be examples to refer to. Also keep pointing out how easily one could be caught up in a police raid on such a party even if not drinking. Parents like you described want to be their teen's "best friends" and are idiots.
You also have to keep reenforcing that drinking and loss of control can lead one down so many slippery slopes in college.
In my opinion a drunk boy is just as vulnerable to false charges as a drunk girl, but often is the one accused
So you also have to keep up the conversation about healthy relationships and dangers of alcohol and drugs. Giving them a framework in high school will help them make better choices in college. In high school always let them know you will pick them up even if they left in a car because any bad choice is not worth their life at their hand or that of a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

Did I not write - "my experience." I didn't claim this was data.

You say you don't know how you will handle when your kids are teens. The data derived from research tells you how to handle it: Make it clear that underage drinking is not acceptable. Model responsible drinking among adults. Don't normalize underage drinking.

Base your parenting on available research, just as you do for e.g. nutrition, education, sleep, breastfeeding.

Please. The research on c-sections say my kids should be criminals and breastfeeding indicates compromised immune systems as infants/toddlers. Neither bore out because the research often has spurious correlations.

I don't think you understood the research.