Caught my child drinking at a Parent sanctioned party… WYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Why did you just happen to drop by during the party?
2) What did you say to the parents hosting the party?

1) I stopped-by because they said: "stop-by, it would be nice to see you!". I really thought keeping an eye on things meant they would confiscate any contraband and defuse any undesirable situations. I think for them it meant we will be keeping an eye out for police so no one gets in trouble.

2)I said nothing. This was not my home. I can't control what decisions adults make when it comes to how they want to parent in their own house. nor was i interested in creating a situation with someone we will have to deal with for at least 3 maybe 7 years.

But you already have a situation with them that they and you created together. You are now part of the problem because you know they allow other people's kids to use alcohol and drugs in their home. And trust me, other parents will hear "Well, Larla's mom lets her go and she even stopped by." So your rep as a parent will be used to expose more kids to risk.

I contacted the parents of the students that i know a little more closely and let them know what I observed and how i would be proceeding in the future. I can't change the host families thoughts, they've come to their decision from their own life experiences and are content with their policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have called the police AND notified Admin and counselors at the school. However, I'm also a mandatory reporter so my license is on the line if I see child endangerment and don't report. 8 years ago, my older child called me to pick her up from a party. We have a "No details needed, no questions asked, I'm on my way already." Agreement. I got that from my dad back in the late 80s when I attended the sister school of a hard-drinking boys prep. My DD climbs in, we pull away. Before we even reach the end of the block, two cruisers pull in one way and a third the other.
I didn't need details but I was curious. My DD spilled the whole story over pancakes at a diner. It was a kegger. The neighbors called 911 after drunken teens scaled their fence to use the play set. In the end, there were many citations issued and 4 kids transported to the hospital. My DD left because a boy threw up next to her and then asked her to go into a bedroom with him. Weeks later, I talked to the parents who admitted that they left at 9:30 pm for a late movie because things seemed under control.

what is a mandatory reporter?

[Anonymous]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandated_reporter

this would not fall under mandatory reporter laws though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we allowed our child to attend a party last weekend after being assured by the parents they would be home to have keep an "eye on things", which i took at face value. I decided to drop in and say hello to the parents and was shocked to find that it was essentially a "free-for-all" with alchohol and marijuana being consumed by the children in the basement and outside while the parents where hanging-out like it was just another friday night.

i made a mistake in thinking "keeping an eye on things" meant the same thing to me as it did to them. I now see their feeling is that that they are providing a safe environment for these teenagers to experiment . While I understand high school aged children are dipping there toes in when it comes to consuming alcohol I am not comfortable with binge drinking. these kids were stumbling, slurring, Emotional and in some cases puking. There is no doubt to me that in their minds, This party was a success because nobody was arrested/cited and there were no injuries.

There are clearly a lot of parents that share this same sentiment. I am not one of them. There is a part of me that wants to alert the schools (without naming any children/parent) so it can be addressed as a "Community". The other part of me wants to stick to parenting/policing our own child and to just stay out of it.

I am now very curious as to what the parents of other high school age children feel when it comes to :

a) Parent sanctioned parties
b) 14-17 year old alcohol and light drug use
c) alerting the schools when these parties occur
d) if you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to Your philosophy.

There is NO PHILOSOPHY to debate here, are freaking serious? IT IS ILLEGAL. PERIOD.
YES, call the cops,
YES alert the school.

Stay out of it? How would you feel if it were YOUR kid who died as a result and you found out other parents knew and did nothing?
COME.ON.

[Anonymous]

Does your child go to a private school? Because if I contacted my child's public school to tell them that there was a party off school premises, not during school hours, involving drinking, they would not be at all interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am fine with my child attending these types of parties. I fo expect the parents to be at home and to intervene when kids start throwing up. That's when the kids need to learn that they are drinking too much, learn where their limits are. A little slurring is not a problem, the kids are learning.

I would call the police about a party with no parents or one that has kids who will be driving themselves immediately after alchohol consumption.

Otherwise, I would stick to your policy for your child and stay out of it.

Holy crap.

My thoughts exactly...

Mine, too. Slurring is always, always a problem. Boy I hope my child doesn't hang out with yours.

I'm actually with the first poster here - it will happen better to have some control. The kids of the uptight parents often go off the rails the most!

Yep, I saw it when I was in college. Ended up having to take friends to the hospital and have them treated for alcohol poisoning. Actually pulled guys off two of my friends. I was the one who volunteered to be the designated driver a lot. I was also the one who had friends with great parents who taught us what would happen if we drank too much and provided a safe space (but with more supervision than OP observed.) Better to learn at home (or a trusted friend's house) than learn at a frat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have called the police, OP. What they did was illegal and dangerous, even if the parents thought they had a handle on things. What idiots.

I have never liked that sort of party, even as an adolescent, so you can imagine how I feel about them now!

As a French person, wine is part of mealtimes, and my children have tasted alcohol at home. I don't plan on hosting any teen parties, or serving alcohol at any other time than at dinner time, to the guests I have invited.

Oh, please don't start the "Europeans are more sophisticated with alcohol" trope. That's bullshit.

+1 There is more vomit on the streets of Paris than in any other city I have ever been in.

[Anonymous]

I suppose there are some times it's wrong to call police when there is illegal behavior, but I can't come up with anything right now.

Sam Ellis, Calvin Li, and Alex Murk all went to my kids' school. Needless to say, I'm not a fan of adult-sanctioned illegal activity that may endanger others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your child go to a private school? Because if I contacted my child's public school to tell them that there was a party off school premises, not during school hours, involving drinking, they would not be at all interested.

Depends on the school I guess.

http://www.fox5dc.com/news/46806309-story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we allowed our child to attend a party last weekend after being assured by the parents they would be home to have keep an "eye on things", which i took at face value. I decided to drop in and say hello to the parents and was shocked to find that it was essentially a "free-for-all" with alchohol and marijuana being consumed by the children in the basement and outside while the parents where hanging-out like it was just another friday night.

i made a mistake in thinking "keeping an eye on things" meant the same thing to me as it did to them. I now see their feeling is that that they are providing a safe environment for these teenagers to experiment . While I understand high school aged children are dipping there toes in when it comes to consuming alcohol I am not comfortable with binge drinking. these kids were stumbling, slurring, Emotional and in some cases puking. There is no doubt to me that in their minds, This party was a success because nobody was arrested/cited and there were no injuries.

There are clearly a lot of parents that share this same sentiment. I am not one of them. There is a part of me that wants to alert the schools (without naming any children/parent) so it can be addressed as a "Community". The other part of me wants to stick to parenting/policing our own child and to just stay out of it.

I am now very curious as to what the parents of other high school age children feel when it comes to :

a) Parent sanctioned parties
b) 14-17 year old alcohol and light drug use
c) alerting the schools when these parties occur
d) if you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to Your philosophy.

There is NO PHILOSOPHY to debate here, are freaking serious? IT IS ILLEGAL. PERIOD.
YES, call the cops,
YES alert the school.

Stay out of it? How would you feel if it were YOUR kid who died as a result and you found out other parents knew and did nothing?
COME.ON.

I mostly agree, but am quickly learning the camps seem to be evenly divided

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we allowed our child to attend a party last weekend after being assured by the parents they would be home to have keep an "eye on things", which i took at face value. I decided to drop in and say hello to the parents and was shocked to find that it was essentially a "free-for-all" with alchohol and marijuana being consumed by the children in the basement and outside while the parents where hanging-out like it was just another friday night.

i made a mistake in thinking "keeping an eye on things" meant the same thing to me as it did to them. I now see their feeling is that that they are providing a safe environment for these teenagers to experiment . While I understand high school aged children are dipping there toes in when it comes to consuming alcohol I am not comfortable with binge drinking. these kids were stumbling, slurring, Emotional and in some cases puking. There is no doubt to me that in their minds, This party was a success because nobody was arrested/cited and there were no injuries.

There are clearly a lot of parents that share this same sentiment. I am not one of them. There is a part of me that wants to alert the schools (without naming any children/parent) so it can be addressed as a "Community". The other part of me wants to stick to parenting/policing our own child and to just stay out of it.

I am now very curious as to what the parents of other high school age children feel when it comes to :

a) Parent sanctioned parties
b) 14-17 year old alcohol and light drug use
c) alerting the schools when these parties occur
d) if you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to Your philosophy.

There is NO PHILOSOPHY to debate here, are freaking serious? IT IS ILLEGAL. PERIOD.
YES, call the cops,
YES alert the school.

Stay out of it? How would you feel if it were YOUR kid who died as a result and you found out other parents knew and did nothing?
COME.ON.

I mostly agree, but am quickly learning the camps seem to be evenly divided

This to me is a NO-BRAINER:
If you want to teach alcohol responsibility to your own kid in your own house with your alcohol, more power to you. There becomes a problem when you give alcohol to MY kid in your house, or allow copious amounts of alcohol to be consumed by numerous kids at your house. You don't know if any of the kids are on medication, or have taken drugs, that could react and cause an overdose. In that case, you are LIABLE for the death of that drunk minor in your house. what if somebody leaves and drives drunk and has an accident? What really is there to debate about providing alcohol to kids at a party? Liquor-up your own kid, but don't you dare do it to mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am fine with my child attending these types of parties. I fo expect the parents to be at home and to intervene when kids start throwing up. That's when the kids need to learn that they are drinking too much, learn where their limits are. A little slurring is not a problem, the kids are learning.

I would call the police about a party with no parents or one that has kids who will be driving themselves immediately after alchohol consumption.

Otherwise, I would stick to your policy for your child and stay out of it.

Holy crap.

My thoughts exactly...

Mine, too. Slurring is always, always a problem. Boy I hope my child doesn't hang out with yours.

I'm actually with the first poster here - it will happen better to have some control. The kids of the uptight parents often go off the rails the most!

Yep, I saw it when I was in college. Ended up having to take friends to the hospital and have them treated for alcohol poisoning. Actually pulled guys off two of my friends. I was the one who volunteered to be the designated driver a lot. I was also the one who had friends with great parents who taught us what would happen if we drank too much and provided a safe space (but with more supervision than OP observed.) Better to learn at home (or a trusted friend's house) than learn at a frat.

That was me during college - I didn't drink much in high school for lots of reasons though but when I discovered it - whoa. Nearly derailed my life - made me wish I had started slower in a more mellow environment. Not that there aren't still issues at the high school age.

[Anonymous]

A private home during non-school hours. Why in hell does the school need to be involved? Unless it was during school hours, on school property or during a school function, the school has NOTHING to do with this incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A private home during non-school hours. Why in hell does the school need to be involved? Unless it was during school hours, on school property or during a school function, the school has NOTHING to do with this incident.

Because as a parent at the school, you agree to certain rules of the community to ensure that children are kept safe. It's in our parent agreement, to which we have to sign and agree in order to enroll our children. If you as a parent with a child at the school knowingly serve alcohol to minors, you have violated the rules that we agree to as a community. If you don't agree, you don't have to send your kid to the private school. No one is forcing you to send your kid there. You voluntarily agree to the school and its values.

[Anonymous]

My 25 year old former neighbor had a party at his house and somehow a 15 year old girl showed up. She died of alcohol poisoning. He spent a year in jail. Don't let underage kids drink in your house and remind other parents what can happen.