Caught my child drinking at a Parent sanctioned party… WYD

[Anonymous]

This reflects my views. I intend to give this letter to our younger son soon (the older one, in college, knows our views on this and was not a drinker in high school).

http://grownandflown.com/letter-mom-teenage-son-drinking/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am fine with my child attending these types of parties. I fo expect the parents to be at home and to intervene when kids start throwing up. That's when the kids need to learn that they are drinking too much, learn where their limits are. A little slurring is not a problem, the kids are learning.

I would call the police about a party with no parents or one that has kids who will be driving themselves immediately after alchohol consumption.

Otherwise, I would stick to your policy for your child and stay out of it.

Holy crap.

My thoughts exactly...

Mine, too. Slurring is always, always a problem. Boy I hope my child doesn't hang out with yours.

I'm actually with the first poster here - it will happen better to have some control. The kids of the uptight parents often go off the rails the most!

Actually, statistically speaking, the parents who send the clear message that underage drinking is off-limits, and who model responsible drinking, are the ones with the fewest problems with alcohol and teens.

Study after study shows this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/09/how-helicopter-parents-cause-binge-drinking/492722/

http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/adolescentflyer/adolflyer.htm

Regardless of the developmental outcome examined—body image, academic success, or substance abuse—children raised by authoritative parents tend to fare better than their peers (Jackson 2002). This is certainly true when it comes to the issue of underage drinking (Simons-Morton et al. 2001), in part because children raised by such parents learn approaches to problem solving and emotional expression that help protect against the psychological dysfunction that often precedes alcohol misuse (Patock-Peckham and Morgan-Lopez 2007). The combination of discipline and support by authoritative parents promotes healthy decisionmaking about alcohol and other potential threats to healthy development (Steinberg et al. 1992).

http://www.drugfree.org/news-service/parents-teaching-teens-responsible-drinking-myth-study/

Parents who provide their teens with alcohol and a place to consume it may think they are teaching their children “responsible drinking.” A new review of studies concludes this view is misguided. Researchers found parental provision of alcohol is associated with increased teen alcohol use.

In some cases, parental provision of alcohol is also linked with increased heavy episodic drinking and higher rates of alcohol-related problems, the researchers report in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs.

“We suspect there is a surprising amount of ‘social hosting’ going on—parents providing alcohol for their teens and their friends,” said study co-author Ken C. Winters, Ph.D., Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Minnesota Medical School. “Parents probably aren’t aware that social hosting could have criminal implications in some states if things take a bad turn. I can appreciate that social hosting is often done with good intentions. Parents think they are preventing something worse by having their kids drink at home with their friends. But the risks are great.”

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/07/06/484839264/how-parents-can-help-their-underage-kids-resist-alcohol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I certainly wouldn't call the police - what a way to destroy your child's trust in you, and to tear apart and divide the community.

Usually the death of binge drinkers or drinking and driving under these "parent supervised parties" is what devices the community. Ask Wootton, Sherwood, Damascus etc....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Really? The only kids that binge drink never had a sip in HS. I guess all the HS binge drinkers wee sipping wine at the frat parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There is no earthly reason why "they're going to do it anyway" and "denying them now will cause binge drinking later" would lead parents to go to the opposite extreme and let children be barfing drunk at their home. Some of these kids can go into comas. Some of them will not be prevented from driving drunk .There is an unspeakable amount of risk here that ignorant adults should never take.

The best way to prevent binge drinking is to teach self-control and moderation in all things. And that's harder than what these parents are prepared to do for their kids.

If you want to teach alcohol responsibility to your own kid in your own house with your alcohol, more power to you. There becomes a problem when you give alcohol to MY kid in your house, or allow copious amounts of alcohol to be consumed by numerous kids at your house. You don't know if any of the kids are on medication, or have taken drugs, that could react and cause an overdose. In that case, you are LIABLE for the death of that drunk minor in your house. what if somebody leaves and drives drunk and has an accident? What really is there to debate about providing alcohol to kids at a party? Liquor-up your own kid, but don't you dare do it to mine.

+1 to both of these. It's one thing to let your kid have a half-glass of wine with dinner. It's another to let a bunch of kids get stumbling drunk at your house. The first can be part of a deliberate strategy to teach moderation and responsible drinking. The second is sheer irresponsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

I love these people. Clear data out there and they still dismiss it because "when I was in college....."

I do hope my child attends one of these parties because I will call the cops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

I love these people. Clear data out there and they still dismiss it because "when I was in college....."

I do hope my child attends one of these parties because I will call the cops.

PP here. My kids are 18 and 16 and we haven't had to contend with this. If I ever encounter a situation like the one OP did, I will leave with my son and call the cops. No question about it.

My 18yo is away at college and fully educated on alcohol issues. Maybe he will drink from time to time. Maybe not. (It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't, he is not very interested.) Either way, he has all the information to make informed choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

I love these people. Clear data out there and they still dismiss it because "when I was in college....."

I do hope my child attends one of these parties because I will call the cops.

It's called Cognitive Dissonance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

Did I not write - "my experience." I didn't claim this was data.

[Anonymous]

OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Lighten up! Have you never been a teen in the US? Of course teens drink. The key is being open and honest. If you make it off limits and "bad", they'll become binge drinkers! I'm not for buying beer and liquor for kids. Bur, my kids drink, if we go, wine every Sunday (at mass). Really put it into perspective.

It doesn't really work that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

Many good points except, from my experience, for binge drinking. Many of the women I knew who binge drank in college, especially beer pong, etc, had never touched alcohol in HS. Of these many, a good chunk regretted their decisions. Still remember a room mate sobbing for playing strip poker the night before. In the course of talking, I told her if she wants to have a beer, then have one. Don't hide behind drinking games to do so.

I don't know how we will handle when our kids are this age. Already panicking about it. I don't plan on becoming the party home, but also don't want to be in denial about what teens do.

Research does not support what you suggest.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

Did I not write - "my experience." I didn't claim this was data.

You say you don't know how you will handle when your kids are teens. The data derived from research tells you how to handle it: Make it clear that underage drinking is not acceptable. Model responsible drinking among adults. Don't normalize underage drinking.

Base your parenting on available research, just as you do for e.g. nutrition, education, sleep, breastfeeding.