Caught my child drinking at a Parent sanctioned party… WYD

[Anonymous]

we allowed our child to attend a party last weekend after being assured by the parents they would be home to have keep an "eye on things", which i took at face value. I decided to drop in and say hello to the parents and was shocked to find that it was essentially a "free-for-all" with alchohol and marijuana being consumed by the children in the basement and outside while the parents where hanging-out like it was just another friday night.

i made a mistake in thinking "keeping an eye on things" meant the same thing to me as it did to them. I now see their feeling is that that they are providing a safe environment for these teenagers to experiment . While I understand high school aged children are dipping there toes in when it comes to consuming alcohol I am not comfortable with binge drinking. these kids were stumbling, slurring, Emotional and in some cases puking. There is no doubt to me that in their minds, This party was a success because nobody was arrested/cited and there were no injuries.

There are clearly a lot of parents that share this same sentiment. I am not one of them. There is a part of me that wants to alert the schools (without naming any children/parent) so it can be addressed as a "Community". The other part of me wants to stick to parenting/policing our own child and to just stay out of it.

I am now very curious as to what the parents of other high school age children feel when it comes to :

a) Parent sanctioned parties
b) 14-17 year old alcohol and light drug use
c) alerting the schools when these parties occur
d) if you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to Your philosophy.

[Anonymous]

You could have called the police, OP. What they did was illegal and dangerous, even if the parents thought they had a handle on things. What idiots.

I have never liked that sort of party, even as an adolescent, so you can imagine how I feel about them now!

As a French person, wine is part of mealtimes, and my children have tasted alcohol at home. I don't plan on hosting any teen parties, or serving alcohol at any other time than at dinner time, to the guests I have invited.

[Anonymous]

I was so shocked at that moment it didn't occur to me. In the future, i might.

[Anonymous]

I started a thread on this same topic last week.

Suffice it to say you'll be shocked how many parents feel it's OK to allow drinking and/or drug use in their own home for a variety of reasons, from securing their child's popularity and social status in school to the cop-out of "they're going to do it anyway, might as well give them a safe environment in which to do it."

The reason the latter is a cop-out is these parents never actually SHARE this point of view with the parents of their guests. Which means that deep down inside they know they're scum for allowing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could have called the police, OP. What they did was illegal and dangerous, even if the parents thought they had a handle on things. What idiots.

I have never liked that sort of party, even as an adolescent, so you can imagine how I feel about them now!

As a French person, wine is part of mealtimes, and my children have tasted alcohol at home. I don't plan on hosting any teen parties, or serving alcohol at any other time than at dinner time, to the guests I have invited.

Oh, please don't start the "Europeans are more sophisticated with alcohol" trope. That's bullshit.

[Anonymous]

What did you say to YOUR CHILD. Did you make them leave?

FWIW We are dealing with this too. I am frustrated by the parental approval. I have repeatedly articulated my expectations to my kid and have told him he is on a short leash and we are watching. if he comes home altered, no more parties. When I was young, the worst thing we could get was beer, now they have liquor and wine...and weed, lots and lots of weed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have called the police, OP. What they did was illegal and dangerous, even if the parents thought they had a handle on things. What idiots.

I have never liked that sort of party, even as an adolescent, so you can imagine how I feel about them now!

As a French person, wine is part of mealtimes, and my children have tasted alcohol at home. I don't plan on hosting any teen parties, or serving alcohol at any other time than at dinner time, to the guests I have invited.

Oh, please don't start the "Europeans are more sophisticated with alcohol" trope. That's bullshit.

I don't think that was the implication. it felt more to me like they where giving us a window into what their home/background is and how it factors into there current approach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started a thread on this same topic last week.

Suffice it to say you'll be shocked how many parents feel it's OK to allow drinking and/or drug use in their own home for a variety of reasons, from securing their child's popularity and social status in school to the cop-out of "they're going to do it anyway, might as well give them a safe environment in which to do it."

The reason the latter is a cop-out is these parents never actually SHARE this point of view with the parents of their guests. Which means that deep down inside they know they're scum for allowing it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Can't find the other thread, but I'm very interested in this issue too. Have an 8th grade son, so it's a few years off, but I'm hearing stories from my friends with high school aged children.

[Anonymous]

Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have called the police, OP. What they did was illegal and dangerous, even if the parents thought they had a handle on things. What idiots.

I have never liked that sort of party, even as an adolescent, so you can imagine how I feel about them now!

As a French person, wine is part of mealtimes, and my children have tasted alcohol at home. I don't plan on hosting any teen parties, or serving alcohol at any other time than at dinner time, to the guests I have invited.

Oh, please don't start the "Europeans are more sophisticated with alcohol" trope. That's bullshit.

There is a big difference from kids drinking with parents in moderation and supervised and those parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes to the cops, yes to notifying the school.

I for one would also speak to the parents who hosted the party and let them know about their liability if anything should happen to a kid that no freaking insurance company would ever touch.

Depending on what school it is, the kid can get in a lot of trouble.

These parents are just setting their kids up for binge drinking and all the crap that goes with it in college. Good for you for being a real parent.

i would be careful not express any anger or disappointment in your own child. They are going to come across drunken idiots time and again and they need to know how to navigate it.

This is why I would I don't want to "name names" BUT I do think it needs to be addressed by the school community and reiterated that it's a not a healthy model to start so early in there development.

[Anonymous]

I certainly wouldn't call the police - what a way to destroy your child's trust in you, and to tear apart and divide the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I certainly wouldn't call the police - what a way to destroy your child's trust in you, and to tear apart and divide the community.

It depends on the situation. These people where hosting at least 60 children and making a parenting decision that was not theirs to make. A highly illegal one, at that.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would you involve the school?