S/O - If your family refused to meet your partner...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's as example from my own family. Grandparent raised in a rural area in the South. Grandparent was a kind, loving parent to my parent and siblings. One sibling became very ill, Grandparent cared for the child 24/7, took the child to many doctors in different cities, despite cost (which was a factor), and eventually donated a kidney to the child. The child survived, grew up, had children, remained very close to Grandparent. This child's daughter married a man of another race. Grandparent was not very supportive of this decision. Should the child who received Grandparent's care, and kidney, have cut off the Grandparent because of this? (That's not what happened, by the way).

There's "not supportive but accepting"
and
there's what OP is doing: not supportive, not talking with the brother, guilt-tripping him, judging his lifestyle as immoral, refusing to meet his partner.

If the former, I'd let it pass. Grandpa doesn't live my life, but I could maintain the relationship.

If the latter - yes, cut off. My nuclear family's well-being, especially my children's, take precedence.

[Anonymous]

Mom, dad - I love and value you. I love and value a man who is [name characteristic].

The fact that you are treating him this way tells me that there is bigotry in your heart that pains me to learn of. It also tells me that your dislike of [people with characteristic] is taking priority over love for me. Or that you don't trust me to choose the right person. Either way, it's disrespectful abs hurtful.

We can see each other again when you are ready to accept my life choices enough to sit in a room with the person I love. I hope that will be soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom, dad - I love and value you. I love and value a man who is [name characteristic].

The fact that you are treating him this way tells me that there is bigotry in your heart that pains me to learn of. It also tells me that your dislike of [people with characteristic] is taking priority over love for me. Or that you don't trust me to choose the right person. Either way, it's disrespectful abs hurtful.

We can see each other again when you are ready to accept my life choices enough to sit in a room with the person I love. I hope that will be soon.

+1
I love your reply! This is the right way to handle the situation proposed by the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not spend time with them, but would send an annual holiday and birthday cards to let them know we were amenable to them deciding to reach out.

That's what I would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your family refused to meet your partner because they were of the wrong race, religion, or gender, would you cut off your relationship with your family or continue to reach out for acceptance?

Refused to meet my partner at all? I wouldn't cut them off, but I wouldn't reach out to them. I'd tell them that refusing to meet someone I loved and was building a life with was incredibly disrespectful to him and to me, and to any children we might have. And then I would tell them that the ball was in their court--if they ever changed their minds, they were welcome to reach out and my door would be open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut off. But my family would never do that. Even if the other person was someone they vehemently disliked/disapproved of.

This. We love and support each other regardless of choices.

[Anonymous]

We've had a couple instances like this in my extended family and in both cases, the couple
Planned their wedding regardless, wedding was a little awkward, but in time, their love won, and they're still together, and the family still feels guilty for not accepting it to begin with.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how the family treats you before and after they know about this person. If your family has always had a good relationship, than you want to know why.
I would try to hear what they don't like about this person. And if it's matching up with your thoughts. There's always that need to feel accepted. But, hear them out.
And observe how this person is treating you and your family (what this person says about your family from what you tell him/her about). If this person says a lot of negative things without even have met your family, I would note that.

Not all will chose their family over the S/O. It really depends on what kind of things are being said/done.

[Anonymous]

This topic makes me smile. I bet you anything: Most die hard liberals in this thread would have a freaking heart attack if their precious girl brought home a good ol' country boy who voted for Trump.

Please, o please spare me your sanctimonious lies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This topic makes me smile. I bet you anything: Most die hard liberals in this thread would have a freaking heart attack if their precious girl brought home a good ol' country boy who voted for Trump.
Please, o please spare me your sanctimonious lies

No, we'd be pretty welcoming. Now if I brought home a black person, my parents would have disowned me and never spoken to me again.