S/O - If your family refused to meet your partner...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Stick up for me how? By forcing people who don't want to meet me meet me? Not sure I want to be in a situation like that. But I also don't want him to cut off relationship with his parents and siblings. Don't want to live with that type of sacrifice made in my name.

I'm not sure what a good compromise here would be, but it would certainly be really weird to me if I never met my in-laws and DH went on vacation with them once a year and just never mentioned me. I would feel like I didn't matter.

Sure it's weird and inconvenient but bottom line is do you want to stay with your partner/husband because you can't imagine living without him? If yes, then his odd relatives come with the package.

Hmm. I guess I would ask my husband if he loved me enough to confront his family. It would be weird to me if he continued their relationship as if nothing was different and I just didn't exist.

[Anonymous]

1 super greedy disrespectful DIL

1 abortion loving DIL

1 mooch sister

yes, cut off. THEY chose I didn't. Life is fine, sleep is good. their loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your family refused to meet your partner because they were of the wrong race, religion, or gender, would you cut off your relationship with your family or continue to reach out for acceptance?

It doesn't have to be so simplistic. You can still have relationship with your family without including your partner. I would skip the holidays and spend time with them alone.

How does that work, they never come to your house or your partner has to find another place to stay when they visit you?

Right, not at our house. They are the ones causing problem so they'll have to host.

Would you just leave your partner behind? Like they would spend the holidays alone?

No, I would not spend holidays with my family. I would spend actual holidays with my partner. I would drop in alone every once in a while because I want to hang out with my parents. I would also drop in around holidays with gifts etc. Like I said it's extra work and I would do it because I love them but I also can"t imagine my life without my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Stick up for me how? By forcing people who don't want to meet me meet me? Not sure I want to be in a situation like that. But I also don't want him to cut off relationship with his parents and siblings. Don't want to live with that type of sacrifice made in my name.

I'm not sure what a good compromise here would be, but it would certainly be really weird to me if I never met my in-laws and DH went on vacation with them once a year and just never mentioned me. I would feel like I didn't matter.

Sure it's weird and inconvenient but bottom line is do you want to stay with your partner/husband because you can't imagine living without him? If yes, then his odd relatives come with the package.

Hmm. I guess I would ask my husband if he loved me enough to confront his family. It would be weird to me if he continued their relationship as if nothing was different and I just didn't exist.

What good that confrontation will do to you personally? He'll spend a lot less time with them because you exist.

[Anonymous]

I would maintain a casual relationship, depending on how they expressed their feelings, but I would simply skip any events if they expected me to exclude my partner.

If they were rabidly vicious in attacking my partner or the relationship, I'd cut them off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my family refused to meet my Middle Eastern husband because he was Middle Eastern, they would not be seeing either one of us, or our child. Full stop.

I highly doubt that their bigotry would be restricted to this issue, though, so probably I would not feel like it's a huge loss.

As to the person who said you can have relationships about other things and be "tolerant" I guess if that works for you, great, but I cannot imagine being "tolerant" of family members who refuse to even meet my husband because of his ethnic origin. I do not find it intolerant to refuse to reward that kind of behavior.

If you don't need your parents in your life, that's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Stick up for me how? By forcing people who don't want to meet me meet me? Not sure I want to be in a situation like that. But I also don't want him to cut off relationship with his parents and siblings. Don't want to live with that type of sacrifice made in my name.

I'm not sure what a good compromise here would be, but it would certainly be really weird to me if I never met my in-laws and DH went on vacation with them once a year and just never mentioned me. I would feel like I didn't matter.

Sure it's weird and inconvenient but bottom line is do you want to stay with your partner/husband because you can't imagine living without him? If yes, then his odd relatives come with the package.

Hmm. I guess I would ask my husband if he loved me enough to confront his family. It would be weird to me if he continued their relationship as if nothing was different and I just didn't exist.

What good that confrontation will do to you personally? He'll spend a lot less time with them because you exist.

I'll be honest. I'd expect nothing to change from the confrontation, but I'd feel a lot better knowing that in his eyes, his family's attitude towards me is change the relationship between him and then. I'd be uncomfortable if everything was the same, minus some logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your family refused to meet your partner because they were of the wrong race, religion, or gender, would you cut off your relationship with your family or continue to reach out for acceptance?

Depends on how much the partner means to me.

My family never wanted me dating men who were of a different race, not white collar professionals, and not from professional/well to do families. So, I didn't bother bringing the white musicians I dated home.

When I met a man I actually wanted to marry and he was a white collar professional who was also white, I cut them off for not respecting him because he was a Jew who made less money than me. He was worth it. We are married now. Not every boyfriend is worth the trouble though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my family refused to meet my Middle Eastern husband because he was Middle Eastern, they would not be seeing either one of us, or our child. Full stop.

I highly doubt that their bigotry would be restricted to this issue, though, so probably I would not feel like it's a huge loss.

As to the person who said you can have relationships about other things and be "tolerant" I guess if that works for you, great, but I cannot imagine being "tolerant" of family members who refuse to even meet my husband because of his ethnic origin. I do not find it intolerant to refuse to reward that kind of behavior.

If you don't need your parents in your life, that's OK.

If my parents were bigots, no, I would not need them in my life. Do you people have no standards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my family refused to meet my Middle Eastern husband because he was Middle Eastern, they would not be seeing either one of us, or our child. Full stop.

I highly doubt that their bigotry would be restricted to this issue, though, so probably I would not feel like it's a huge loss.

As to the person who said you can have relationships about other things and be "tolerant" I guess if that works for you, great, but I cannot imagine being "tolerant" of family members who refuse to even meet my husband because of his ethnic origin. I do not find it intolerant to refuse to reward that kind of behavior.

If you don't need your parents in your life, that's OK.

If my parents were bigots, no, I would not need them in my life. Do you people have no standards?

People who spent countless sleepless nights with me, cuddled with me, read to me, took care of me when I was sick (and well), made my meals, did my laundry for years, paid for my college? Yeah, my standards for them are pretty low

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your family refused to meet your partner because they were of the wrong race, religion, or gender, would you cut off your relationship with your family or continue to reach out for acceptance?

It doesn't have to be so simplistic. You can still have relationship with your family without including your partner. I would skip the holidays and spend time with them alone.

How does that work, they never come to your house or your partner has to find another place to stay when they visit you?

Right, not at our house. They are the ones causing problem so they'll have to host.

What about if your child is of the same race, religion or sexual orientation that your family disapproves of, you leave you child home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my family refused to meet my Middle Eastern husband because he was Middle Eastern, they would not be seeing either one of us, or our child. Full stop.

I highly doubt that their bigotry would be restricted to this issue, though, so probably I would not feel like it's a huge loss.

As to the person who said you can have relationships about other things and be "tolerant" I guess if that works for you, great, but I cannot imagine being "tolerant" of family members who refuse to even meet my husband because of his ethnic origin. I do not find it intolerant to refuse to reward that kind of behavior.

If you don't need your parents in your life, that's OK.

If my parents were bigots, no, I would not need them in my life. Do you people have no standards?

People who spent countless sleepless nights with me, cuddled with me, read to me, took care of me when I was sick (and well), made my meals, did my laundry for years, paid for my college? Yeah, my standards for them are pretty low

Is sexual abuse okay too, or just emotional abuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your family refused to meet your partner because they were of the wrong race, religion, or gender, would you cut off your relationship with your family or continue to reach out for acceptance?

It doesn't have to be so simplistic. You can still have relationship with your family without including your partner. I would skip the holidays and spend time with them alone.

How does that work, they never come to your house or your partner has to find another place to stay when they visit you?

Right, not at our house. They are the ones causing problem so they'll have to host.

What about if your child is of the same race, religion or sexual orientation that your family disapproves of, you leave you child home?

It's up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your family refused to meet your partner because they were of the wrong race, religion, or gender, would you cut off your relationship with your family or continue to reach out for acceptance?

It doesn't have to be so simplistic. You can still have relationship with your family without including your partner. I would skip the holidays and spend time with them alone.

How does that work, they never come to your house or your partner has to find another place to stay when they visit you?

Right, not at our house. They are the ones causing problem so they'll have to host.

What about if your child is of the same race, religion or sexual orientation that your family disapproves of, you leave you child home?

It's up to them.

Up to your family? Or the child? How can this be the child's choice if your family isn't accepting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my family refused to meet my Middle Eastern husband because he was Middle Eastern, they would not be seeing either one of us, or our child. Full stop.

I highly doubt that their bigotry would be restricted to this issue, though, so probably I would not feel like it's a huge loss.

As to the person who said you can have relationships about other things and be "tolerant" I guess if that works for you, great, but I cannot imagine being "tolerant" of family members who refuse to even meet my husband because of his ethnic origin. I do not find it intolerant to refuse to reward that kind of behavior.

If you don't need your parents in your life, that's OK.

If my parents were bigots, no, I would not need them in my life. Do you people have no standards?

People who spent countless sleepless nights with me, cuddled with me, read to me, took care of me when I was sick (and well), made my meals, did my laundry for years, paid for my college? Yeah, my standards for them are pretty low

So where are YOUR lines drawn? For me, racism is a dealbreaker. If I learned that my father was a racist, I wouldn't even need to be married to a person of color. I don't want people like that in my life, period.