Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't get sex at home, only a matter of time before he finds it elsewhere. That's what I did when DW didn't want to have sex at least once a month. I can go a week, but not longer and now have a few FWB

[Anonymous]

Woman here.

Some women here are in pure denial. Healthy marriages all have physical intimacy - including sex. Sure, life gets in the way and sex should not be on demand. You cannot be in the mood everyday. But if you generally do not WANT to have sex with your spouse or vice versa, there is an issue in your relationship whether you want to admit it or not. And if your spouse likes sex but seems OK being in a sex infrequent marriage, I would bet that he/she is getting it elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't get sex at home, only a matter of time before he finds it elsewhere. That's what I did when DW didn't want to have sex at least once a month. I can go a week, but not longer and now have a few FWB

Woman here in the same boat. To be fair, my H isn't very good at it, so I'm sure he doesn't really see the point. Doesn't care about emotional intimacy either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

Not in any contract I signed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

you do know sex is not a basic need, right?

Maybe for YOU it isnt but orgasms make a body feel good and I need them regularly.

-- signed woman who loves sex

And you do know you can have an Orgasm WITHOUT having "sex" with your husband? As can he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

you do know sex is not a basic need, right?

Maybe for YOU it isnt but orgasms make a body feel good and I need them regularly.

-- signed woman who loves sex

Sure I can but why the fuck did I get married if I am diddling myself? I like and want PinV and if my husband has no health issues preventing it that's what we should be doing to connect physically, intimately and emotionally.
And you do know you can have an Orgasm WITHOUT having "sex" with your husband? As can he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered talking to you gyno about why sex repulses you so much?

You might have a hormonal issue. Or maybe you married the wrong guy.

Oh sex doesn't repulse me, and I'm not married (way too young for that). I have a fairly high libido, actually- but if I dont want to have sex, we dont. And my boyfriend respects that, simple as.

I would never try to force him into having sex if he didnt feel like it either.

It seems pretty simple.

Someone doesnt want to have sex with you- DONT HAVE SEX WITH THEM! Why would you even want to?

Of course you are not married, nor are you ready for it. There are so many things we do for our spouses because they are our spouses. And that includes having sex from time to time when we don't really feel up to it. Entitled to sex on demand -- no, of course not. Entitled to expect sex on somewhat of a regular basis, yes. Now, if he (or she) is not satisfied with the amount, then ultimately divorce (not force) may be the answer, but he (or she) is certainly entitled to the expectation.

Not really. I would say if you expect someone to have sex with you even though they dont want it, then that's a major issue and emblematic of an entitlement issue that you need to seek help for.

Are people really not aware that people's libidos shift and change over time? That women's libidos especially decrease with menopause?

I see a downright villainization of the wives that dont want to have sex and it's really shocking.

I guess my advice would be if you think marriage entitles you to sex without concern for your partner's libido or lack of interest- then don't get married.

How many relationships have you been in? How long have those relationships lasted?

What I can tell you in my experience of being married for 15 years is that my husband and I both have an expectation that the other will want to have sex. There have been times when the frequency has lessened, and during those times, we do what adults do and COMMUNICATE ABOUT IT.

I agree that there is an issue with husbands who expect sex and do not respect wives' reasons for not wanting to have sex. However, I personally believe that people who are married have an obligation to each other to maintain the romantic relationship. My impression is that many of the men who are "villainizing" their wives for not having sex feel rejected and hurt. The counter-argument to your argument is that when your actions cause your partner to feel hurt and rejected, that is a problem that should be addressed. Some women (AND MEN FOR THAT MATTER) do not address the issue.

^ I dont agree. I think "i feel hurt and rejected" is an excuse for the anger men feel when denied access to female bodies.

Not allowing someone access to your organs is certainly not on par with genuinely hurtful acts. It's sad that men have twisted it to equivocate the two (but unsurprising)

And we as a culture need to stop allowing this villainization of women who dont want sex, and call it out when it does occur.

The advice seems to always be to the female- you do need to have sex with him- rather than to the male - adjust your expectations.

Let's change that.

You have some *serious* anger or hatred issues against men. You may want to get that checked out!

On many levels, you are absolutely correct. A person has no right to sex with another at any particular time. However, marriage (and even relationships, depending on your beliefs) is a partnership. Each person has the right to be satisfied. If that isn't occurring, it is certainly valid grounds for leaving the partnership. In my religion, marriage is a contract, and sex is part of that contract. I have a right to sex with my wife overall, but not every day or any particular time. However, if I am denied the physical or emotional parts of that contract, which sex is both, then I can and should seek a divorce. Sex drives will be different. I have much more drive than my wife. No, I do not rape her or make her have sex if she doesn't want to. However, she knows also that my satisfaction is equally important as hers--whether that is for sex or for time together or for just sleep without sex. Either one of us could ask for divorce if it isn't working out on any level. Sometimes I do tell her that i need more, and sometimes she says she is too tired. We work it out TOGETHER--never by force--because we are a partnership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

Not in any contract I signed.

The contract you signed probably can be voided via divorce--easy out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

you do know sex is not a basic need, right?

Maybe for YOU it isnt but orgasms make a body feel good and I need them regularly.

-- signed woman who loves sex

No you don't "need" sex. It's common for entitled people to describe wants as needs. You sound like a spoiled princess, you don't "need" diamonds either, but wearing a big rock, probably makes you feel good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is entitled to sex, but healthy marriages have sex. If DH one day just decided he wasn't ever going to have sex with me for the rest of our marriage, I'd assume the marriage was over and file for divorce. To me, it's the same as DH saying that he wasn't going to live with me in my house any longer.

You're going to divorce your H if he gat ALS... You sound lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

you do know sex is not a basic need, right?

It is for normally functioning adults. I realize deviancy exists, but an adult to not consider sex to be a basic human need is not normal.

You don't understand biology if you think it's a basic human need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

you do know sex is not a basic need, right?

It is for normally functioning adults. I realize deviancy exists, but an adult to not consider sex to be a basic human need is not normal.

You don't understand biology if you think it's a basic human need.

Actually, I think you don't? You seem to have skipped a major segment of biology in class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

you do know sex is not a basic need, right?

Maybe for YOU it isnt but orgasms make a body feel good and I need them regularly.

-- signed woman who loves sex

And you do know you can have an Orgasm WITHOUT having "sex" with your husband? As can he?

Sure, I can her off any time, but it's not the same as making love to a woman. It's necessary for physical and emotional intimacy. Plus it's a lot more fun withs partner thsn alone. Maybe OP needs to become a nun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't get sex at home, only a matter of time before he finds it elsewhere. That's what I did when DW didn't want to have sex at least once a month. I can go a week, but not longer and now have a few FWB

In your case, it's like Prison Sex and it doesn't count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

you do know sex is not a basic need, right?

Maybe for YOU it isnt but orgasms make a body feel good and I need them regularly.

-- signed woman who loves sex

And you do know you can have an Orgasm WITHOUT having "sex" with your husband? As can he?

Sure, I can her off any time, but it's not the same as making love to a woman. It's necessary for physical and emotional intimacy. Plus it's a lot more fun withs partner thsn alone. Maybe OP needs to become a nun.

Also, it's possible to find intimacy and companionship through friends and not with one's spouse, and I still expect both of those things from my marriage. I don't think telling someone to masturbate if their spouse doesn't want sex is any more of a long term solution than telling someone to go make close friends if their spouse doesn't want to interact with them.