Single mom and Father's Day at school

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry some people on this board are such JERKS.

Good for you for being aware of this, because my dad walked out on my mom when I was 4, and I remember one particularly shitty Father's Day craft in 3rd grade when I finally screwed up the courage to tell the teacher I did not want to make the stupid card because I didn't have a father, and she MADE me do it ("everybody has a father"). I still remember the card - it was blue with a pretty red dragon made out of red sequins glued on. I had to go home & give it to my mom (it literally said "Happy Father's Day") and I remember feeling confused & bad. I'm 34 and remember this like yesterday.

The other PP's bitching are probably the same people who moan about the "war on Christmas" - ugh, ignore them. You're right to be concerned of and aware of your kid's feelings. She doesn't understand everything yet & may not even be able to articulate her feelings.

My best suggestion is to speak with the teacher before hand, so you can (1) figure out what the activity is; (2) explain your family situation to her, hopefully she will help you come up with a good solution (unlike the asses on this board) & will be able to display a little empathy for your kid.

When you have this information you can decide if you want to attend in her dad's place - at 5 this is probably just fine & she will just be glad to have someone special with her. If it's a craft, she can address it to you - & you can let her teacher know why she is doing that.

Personally, I think these kinds of crafts are inappropriate at school unless there's a way to incorporate all kinds of families. Families don't all look alike, some kids have 2 moms, 2 dads, or live with grandparents or other guardians. I don't know why this makes some people so angry. We're talking about not making 5 year olds feel left out and sad when they may have already suffered a big loss in their life (a mom/dad, etc.). Why is that so offensive to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster who says let's make it more general or do away with these holidays and we are a 2 parent family. I also don't get worked up over grandparents day and all of my kids' grandparents are deceased. I get the flyer, but my child has never mentioned it as a big deal. I notice all the moms don't come to the mom thing either. Such is life.

Deceased does not equal 'chose to not be an active part of child's life'. Apples and oranges.

Alright, well, truth be told, we do have an uninvolved grandparent on the other side of the country. Again, this has not been a big deal in our family.

Surely you cannot be that dense that you still see and uninvolved grandparent as the same as an absentee father. Or to are, and you're the kind of person that makes everything all about you.

Person A: I have a brain tumor, I'm not expected to live more than 12 months.
You: I had a headache once. It wasn't that bad, I just took tylenol and went about my business.

+1 Thank you for this. Having an absentee parent is NOT the same has having dead grandparents. There's a ton more emotional issues involved. The kid gets to grow up knowing mommy or daddy actively rejected & continues to reject them. This is not an easy burden for a little kid. The lack of compassion is staggering. I won't even get into the antipathy towards the two mom families, cuz the bigotry there is showing pretty hard.

[Anonymous]

I am a widow with a child in elementary school. Last year, his teacher told the class to thank the father, uncle or grand father. It worked out fine.

OP, I'm not sure why you are stressing out. But your DC will pick up on that. It's should be an uneventful school event. An artificial one made up by the greeting card industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow with a child in elementary school. Last year, his teacher told the class to thank the father, uncle or grand father. It worked out fine.

OP, I'm not sure why you are stressing out. But your DC will pick up on that. It's should be an uneventful school event. An artificial one made up by the greeting card industry.

I can't guess why OP is stressing out, but it may be because not all teachers handle it with the grace that your child's teacher showed. It doesn't have to be a big deal, but if a teacher doesn't spell it out, not all kids will assume its ok to thank an uncle or grandfather. Also, OP may not have had other male figures in the kid's lives. If the teacher lets the kids now it doesn't have to go to a dad, no big deal, it will be fine. But i think OP just wants to be sure that the teacher does make that allowance or gives out instructions that don't make her kid feel left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow with a child in elementary school. Last year, his teacher told the class to thank the father, uncle or grand father. It worked out fine.

OP, I'm not sure why you are stressing out. But your DC will pick up on that. It's should be an uneventful school event. An artificial one made up by the greeting card industry.

Not the OP, but I've never stressed out about Father's Day even though my kid doesn't have a dad. This year in pre-K she started crying after school because the teacher told them they would be doing a Father's Day activity and she thought she wouldn't be allowed to participate because she's "the only one with no dad."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stupid school insists on celebrating Father's Day. Dd has heard from dad in over a year.
She's 5. What do I say? Do?
The school activity is set.

Opt out. Make it a mom and daughter day. Keep in mind the same thing happens for mother's day. There are a lot of single fathers who are raising their kids alone and mother's day can be awkward.

[Anonymous]

Look, when you're a single parent with sole custody, both Mother's Day and Father's Day suck when the kids are small. I had to get things for my parents, but no one got a darn thing for me. Generally, I always took my child out every Sunday for lunch, but on Mother's Day (and somewhat Father's Day) it's amateur hour and everything is packed. You just sit there at home, go to the park, or go about your regular business.

But in school, don't sweat it. Just have them make something for someone, or have them make it for you anyway. It's 2016 -- schools are very used to this by now.