How can I convince my husband to get a vasectomy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has to wear a condom. Every. Single. Time.

Extra thick.

[Anonymous]

Women are in 100% control of their bodies and fully responsible for their decision regarding birth control.

That does not translate to the right to infringe upon another person's bodily integrity by insisting he have a surgical procedure for your convenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So essentially no one has any advice save for the mandate to strong arm him like a friggin mob boss into doing as he's told - yeah sounds like the makings of a wonderful loving marriage.

We'll see you in a couple months OP when you're seeking advice about divorce. Hopefully you'll get better feedback.

It's not strong arming him. It's putting him in charge of the birth control. He has 3 choices he can make: condoms, snip or no sex. The choice is his.

+1000

That's swell that this reasoning persuades you, but to OP's husband its going to sound like OP is being an aggressive asshole. Its pretty well established that everyone on this thread disagrees with him, but using arguments that are persuasive only to someone who already shares your view seems like a pretty stupid tactic.

Then no sex. Not sure what else you think OP is obligated to do. Make an appointment for him? Call friends to see if they are snipped and ask them to speak to him? Leave small pro-Vasectomy pamphlets littered around the house? At some point there's a line in the sand.

Great, you've finally arrived at OP's question, which was "what more can she do?" That's what "deny sex" is an unhelpful response. Its the same thing as saying "I have no advice in response to your question." Why post it at all?

Why is it unhelpful? That is absolutely a way to prevent her from getting pregnant. That's her goal.

No, her goal was "to hear successful vasectomy stories that I can use to persuade him."

What makes you think stopping sex until DHs take responsibility for birth control is not a successful vasectomy story?

Reading comprehension?

So you think their vasectomies didn't work because it wasn't the guy's idea?

Whose vasectomies? What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are in 100% control of their bodies and fully responsible for their decision regarding birth control.

That does not translate to the right to infringe upon another person's bodily integrity by insisting he have a surgical procedure for your convenience.

He doesn't need to get snipped but there is no reason for him to not bear the burden of birth control.

[Anonymous]

annalee007 wrote:Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that with the second it was a C-section after 36 hours of labor. I also breastfed both children. So I'm done with doing things to my body. Come on, he can do a minor operation - it is not considered "major" operation medically. The problem with withholding sex is that I am also withholding it from myself, haha. I guess one has to do what it takes for the greater good!

Since a woman obviously has 100% autonomy over her own reproductive decisions, everything that you described as happening to your body in the process of conceiving, giving birth, nursing, etc., is 100% on you. You chose not to use proper birth control. You chose not to have an abortion when you got pregnant. Not your husband. Your husband doesn't have the legal right to make those decisions for you. Only you do. You made them, live with them, and stop trying to shift responsibility for your decisions upon your spouse, who has no control over them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't want to do it you should respect his wishes not try and finagle your spouse into doing something he's against.

Then he should respect her wishes that she doesn't want to get pregnant again and be ok with no sex. Job done.

As long as she's ok with him having sex outside the marriage, shouldn't be much of an issue. She doesn't need the excuse of fear of unwanted pregnancy to stop having sex with her husband--lots of women have various reasons they don't have sex with their husbands. If she's too lazy or too stupid to get appropriate birth control to keep her body from getting pregnant again, then that's entirely her fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are in 100% control of their bodies and fully responsible for their decision regarding birth control.

That does not translate to the right to infringe upon another person's bodily integrity by insisting he have a surgical procedure for your convenience.

He doesn't need to get snipped but there is no reason for him to not bear the burden of birth control.

Sure there is, because it fundamentally isn't his burden. His body doesn't have the capability of getting pregnant. Hers does. Women are in control of their bodies, but they're not in control of someone else's. She has no more moral or ethical right to demand her spouse have a vasectomy than he would be to demand she have her tubes tied.

You can't have it both ways, ladies--either you want autonomy, or you don't. With autonomy comes responsibility. If a husband has no right to make reproductive choices for his spouse, then she has to take 100% responsibility for those choices. If she doesn't want to use birth control, that's her decision; if she doesn't want to have sex, that's also her decision. However attempting to put the responsibility for her decisions upon her husband is infantile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't want to do it you should respect his wishes not try and finagle your spouse into doing something he's against.

Then he should respect her wishes that she doesn't want to get pregnant again and be ok with no sex. Job done.

As long as she's ok with him having sex outside the marriage, shouldn't be much of an issue. She doesn't need the excuse of fear of unwanted pregnancy to stop having sex with her husband--lots of women have various reasons they don't have sex with their husbands. If she's too lazy or too stupid to get appropriate birth control to keep her body from getting pregnant again, then that's entirely her fault.

You really, honestly think that birth control is solely the woman's responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

annalee007 wrote:Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that with the second it was a C-section after 36 hours of labor. I also breastfed both children. So I'm done with doing things to my body. Come on, he can do a minor operation - it is not considered "major" operation medically. The problem with withholding sex is that I am also withholding it from myself, haha. I guess one has to do what it takes for the greater good!

Since a woman obviously has 100% autonomy over her own reproductive decisions, everything that you described as happening to your body in the process of conceiving, giving birth, nursing, etc., is 100% on you. You chose not to use proper birth control. You chose not to have an abortion when you got pregnant. Not your husband. Your husband doesn't have the legal right to make those decisions for you. Only you do. You made them, live with them, and stop trying to shift responsibility for your decisions upon your spouse, who has no control over them.

This isn't about her decision to have two kids. It is about her decision not to have a third. She's taken those experiences, weighed the pros and cons, and decided no more kids. She never indicated that she wasn't OK with the cost to her health and body for two children. But she has said no more.

WTF, I don't even know where you are coming from,pp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be very clear it is up to him: Condoms or a vasectomy, his choice, and give him contact information for a urologist.

How is it "his" choice when she is making the choice for him? It's always her choice. If she chooses to have sex with him, that's her choice. If she chooses not to use birth control, that's her choice. Just as it's his choice not to have a vasectomy or use condoms. It actually sounds like she just doesn't want to have sex with him any longer and this is her excuse.

Honey, you don't need this excuse to not have sex with your husband. Because it's a pretty lame one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't want to do it you should respect his wishes not try and finagle your spouse into doing something he's against.

Then he should respect her wishes that she doesn't want to get pregnant again and be ok with no sex. Job done.

As long as she's ok with him having sex outside the marriage, shouldn't be much of an issue. She doesn't need the excuse of fear of unwanted pregnancy to stop having sex with her husband--lots of women have various reasons they don't have sex with their husbands. If she's too lazy or too stupid to get appropriate birth control to keep her body from getting pregnant again, then that's entirely her fault.

You really, honestly think that birth control is solely the woman's responsibility?

Of course it is. Unless you're saying that a woman's spouse has the right to force her to abort a pregnancy, or the ability to prevent her from obtaining an abortion, if that's what she prefers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

annalee007 wrote:Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that with the second it was a C-section after 36 hours of labor. I also breastfed both children. So I'm done with doing things to my body. Come on, he can do a minor operation - it is not considered "major" operation medically. The problem with withholding sex is that I am also withholding it from myself, haha. I guess one has to do what it takes for the greater good!

Since a woman obviously has 100% autonomy over her own reproductive decisions, everything that you described as happening to your body in the process of conceiving, giving birth, nursing, etc., is 100% on you. You chose not to use proper birth control. You chose not to have an abortion when you got pregnant. Not your husband. Your husband doesn't have the legal right to make those decisions for you. Only you do. You made them, live with them, and stop trying to shift responsibility for your decisions upon your spouse, who has no control over them.

This isn't about her decision to have two kids. It is about her decision not to have a third. She's taken those experiences, weighed the pros and cons, and decided no more kids. She never indicated that she wasn't OK with the cost to her health and body for two children. But she has said no more.

WTF, I don't even know where you are coming from,pp

I assume PP's point is that the fact that she's given birth in the past isn't relevant to who should be responsible for birth control going forward, which I kind of agree with. (I still think the guy should get the vasectomy, but the fact that she's had his kids seems like a non-sequitur to me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are in 100% control of their bodies and fully responsible for their decision regarding birth control.

That does not translate to the right to infringe upon another person's bodily integrity by insisting he have a surgical procedure for your convenience.

He doesn't need to get snipped but there is no reason for him to not bear the burden of birth control.

Sure there is, because it fundamentally isn't his burden. His body doesn't have the capability of getting pregnant. Hers does. Women are in control of their bodies, but they're not in control of someone else's. She has no more moral or ethical right to demand her spouse have a vasectomy than he would be to demand she have her tubes tied.

You can't have it both ways, ladies--either you want autonomy, or you don't. With autonomy comes responsibility. If a husband has no right to make reproductive choices for his spouse, then she has to take 100% responsibility for those choices. If she doesn't want to use birth control, that's her decision; if she doesn't want to have sex, that's also her decision. However attempting to put the responsibility for her decisions upon her husband is infantile.

If she were a single woman, sure. But she is part of a union. Both partners are responsible.

[Anonymous]

Let's look at it from a different angle: let's say OP's husband gets the vasectomy.

Does that stop her (not her in particular, but any woman) from getting pregnant? No of course not. It only stops HIM from impregnating her. I'm not saying this OP would cheat, but that's not the point. The point is that the OP is still responsible for her own decisions regarding her own body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are in 100% control of their bodies and fully responsible for their decision regarding birth control.

That does not translate to the right to infringe upon another person's bodily integrity by insisting he have a surgical procedure for your convenience.

He doesn't need to get snipped but there is no reason for him to not bear the burden of birth control.

Sure there is, because it fundamentally isn't his burden. His body doesn't have the capability of getting pregnant. Hers does. Women are in control of their bodies, but they're not in control of someone else's. She has no more moral or ethical right to demand her spouse have a vasectomy than he would be to demand she have her tubes tied.

You can't have it both ways, ladies--either you want autonomy, or you don't. With autonomy comes responsibility. If a husband has no right to make reproductive choices for his spouse, then she has to take 100% responsibility for those choices. If she doesn't want to use birth control, that's her decision; if she doesn't want to have sex, that's also her decision. However attempting to put the responsibility for her decisions upon her husband is infantile.

If she were a single woman, sure. But she is part of a union. Both partners are responsible.

OP doesn't feel that way. In any case, if what you're saying were actually true, then a husband would be able to prevent his wife from having an abortion, or force her to have an abortion, or at least have a legal right to take her to court to have a judge decide if they have a difference of opinion over whether a fetus should be aborted, or not aborted. Obviously, no such right exists, at least not in American law.

So you're dead wrong sweety.