How can I convince my husband to get a vasectomy?

[annalee007]

My husband and I both 100% we don't want any more kids, and we are deathly afraid of getting pregnant by accident. (We have a 2 babies under 2.)We are careful now, but need a long-term, reliable solution. I don't want to be on birth control and he doesn't want to wear condoms (not that either are super reliable). Both my pregnancies were HORRIBLE and my quality of life during that time went down to zero (nausea 24/7 - could barely walk, sit, etc.) I feel like we women do all the work, suffer the most, and then after pregnancy and childbirth we are still expected to add hormones or insert things into our bodies so we don't get pregnant while the man continues to do whatever he wants without a worry. This is completely unfair. In a situation like ours, he can get an in-office operation that lasts about 15 minutes and we could have peace of mind. He may need a few weeks to heal but that is nothing compared to taking hormones for the rest of your life or inserting objects in yourself that are often painful as well. (The IUD killed me.)

He doesn't want to do it because he feels it takes away his "manhood." All of my friend's SOs have either done it or is open, so I'm hoping he will come around. I guess this is part venting, and part wanting to hear successful vasectomy stories that I can use to persuade him.

[Anonymous]

You can't.

Birth control and condoms are pretty reliable if you use them correctly.

[Anonymous]

I think your feelings are understandable, and if you've previously used an IUD and found it painful, I would focus on explaining that point to him. Say that you have direct knowledge that an IUD is going to be painful for you, and vasectomies usually have limited downtime.

I would steer away from your more general argument that "I feel like we women do all the work, suffer the most, and then after pregnancy and childbirth we are still expected to add hormones or insert things into our bodies so we don't get pregnant while the man continues to do whatever he wants without a worry." I personally don't agree with you that having something inserted into your body is plainly worse than having surgery done on your body in which something is inserted into your body and part of your body is sliced in half and cauterized, and I suspect your husband doesn't either. Instead, make sure to explicitly recognize that having a vasectomy is in fact a big deal, but it is the best option for your family under the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP respectfully disagree with PP. Gestating a person and then having a bowling ball sized human being go through your vagina or abdominal wall is nothing compared to a vasectomy. Hormones aren't an option for me. So it's either IUD (which I haven't tried yet) or a vasectomy. I won't be getting any more things done to my reproductive organs (tubes tied etc) unless medically necessary. They have done their job and then some.

[Anonymous]

No 8---) > O unless 8---) = xx---)

[Anonymous]

No vasectomy, no sex. He can decide which he'd rather do. You've done all the work until now. It's his turn.

[Anonymous]

Ah, there is a fairly obvious answer. Familiar with Lysistrata?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No vasectomy, no sex. He can decide which he'd rather do. You've done all the work until now. It's his turn.

Yeah, tell him get it somewhere else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No vasectomy, no sex. He can decide which he'd rather do. You've done all the work until now. It's his turn.

Yeah that's a easy one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP respectfully disagree with PP. Gestating a person and then having a bowling ball sized human being go through your vagina or abdominal wall is nothing compared to a vasectomy. Hormones aren't an option for me. So it's either IUD (which I haven't tried yet) or a vasectomy. I won't be getting any more things done to my reproductive organs (tubes tied etc) unless medically necessary. They have done their job and then some.

Nobody is comparing a vasectomy to a c section. OP said an IUD is clearly worse than a vasectomy. That seems like something reasonable minds can differ on.

[Anonymous]

if you've handled BC up till now, just tell him it's his turn to manage and stop having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No vasectomy, no sex. He can decide which he'd rather do. You've done all the work until now. It's his turn.

Yeah that's a easy one.

This is a classic DCUM thread. OP asks for advice on how to persuade her husband of something, and the "easy answer" is "threaten him instead!" What useless advice.

[Anonymous]

I wish I knew, OP. I find it absolutely reprehensible when men respond like this. It really makes my head explode. So I am with you 100% and I probably would withhold sex.

[Anonymous]

It is 2016. Is your husband just climbing out of a cave OP?

This is how it goes: you make an apt w the urologist. He asks if you are sure - seems your answer is 'yes'.
I show up at 8:30AM...by 9:30AM, I change into scrubs, hop on a table. It is a small OR. They ask me if I want a blanket. I say yes. They insert the needle in my arm....and 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2...bang! I am out like a light. About 2 hours later, I wake up...pull the sheet aside, to check out my junk. Nurse comes by, shuts the curtain-I am pretty much out in the open. I come fully to, walk out. Frozen bag od peas on groin, I get to watch TV all night. Next morning, I mow the lawn.
Oh, and I got a woody that night. This is what your hubby is scared about?

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't want to do it you should respect his wishes not try and finagle your spouse into doing something he's against.