Kind way to say "no" to play date

[Anonymous]

Everyone involved in this situation sounds awful, with the possible exception of the boy that OP's son doesn't like.

Not really- I think the difficult person is the mom of the boy OP's son doesn't like.

She's certainly difficult, but OP is overdramatic and her description of the young man at issue is nasty. Her son sounds like a jerk as well. Certainly, he doesn't have to like the other boy, but texting his mom in the middle of an outing at a restaurant asking to leave? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you like to leave loaded guns lying around the house. As an avid DCUM reader, she will surely ask you about guns in your house, and recoil in horror at your positive response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, we had a lot of family friends. My parents were friends with their parents. We would all get together and the kids were expected to play nice with each other, whether we "clicked" or not. We kids never became great friends but these friends were a different kind of friend and we learned to get along with people who weren't exactly like us. As adults we are still in touch and probably better friends now. These are life lessons that kids need to learn. When did it happen that kids get to dictate everyone in their world. Have a family bbq like PP suggested.

Funny, when I grew up I made my own friends. My parents had friends over too that all had kids but they all played outside with the rest of the 20+ kids wandering the neighborhood and everyone found someone to like. We handle it all for good or bad and it just worked. And all our parents where inside smoking and drinking a brew without a freaking care in the world. What the hell is wrong with us. Why are we adding all this stress about our kids lives and friendships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Everyone involved in this situation sounds awful, with the possible exception of the boy that OP's son doesn't like.

Not really- I think the difficult person is the mom of the boy OP's son doesn't like.

She's certainly difficult, but OP is overdramatic and her description of the young man at issue is nasty. Her son sounds like a jerk as well. Certainly, he doesn't have to like the other boy, but texting his mom in the middle of an outing at a restaurant asking to leave? Seriously?

The kid is ten- I'm going to cut him and most other ten year olds a break. I think once his mind was set against the other boy, it was hard to change. It sounds like OP is being cool to do the pool party and the BBQ. My sympathy is squarely with the other woman's son. He's the one I feel rotten for in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm okay with honest: "I'm sorry, my son doesn't seem to want another play date right now (I don't quite know why). Why don't we give it some time?"

If I were on the other end, I would be fine with that. I don't think it's a big deal if kids don't click for whatever reason.

What does I "don't quite know why" mean?

It means the person is lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you're not seeming to grasp OP is that if you allow your son to effectively reject your friend's son at this early stage, no effort made - you will lose this friend completely. In fact I would say there's a chance she'll never speak to you again.

+1

I do grasp it. After these interactions, I'm actually hoping she'll "never speak to me again." If you read the post, you would have seen that we were acquaintances. Our superficial interactions were positive, but now that I'm getting to know her, I see otherwise. The real problem here is I was trying to be nice.

So just tell her that your son doesn't want to play with her kid. If she's an adult, she should know how to deal with rejection. It's really not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

I would schedule a bbq or informal get together for the families - don't make it a playdate, it just happens that the two boys will be in the house together. Maybe they will hang out, maybe not. My first reaction was your son sounds like kind of a dick. You need to show how to be appropriate with guests and how to be a good host. Life is not about him being happy 100 percent of the time. This is something important he needs to learn.

[Anonymous]

The kid is ten- I'm going to cut him and most other ten year olds a break.

Well, my son is only 9, but he does not treat people this way. Hopefully that won't change over the next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do a playdate. Do a bbq and invite several families including them.

Your son will need to be inclusive and polite as the host, but there is less pressure to be "Friends"

Yes, this is what I would do as well. You would send a message to the mom that you want to spend time with her, while also taking pressure off your son. I would, however, have a talk with DS beforehand and ask him to be polite and inclusive

[Anonymous]

Frankly, I think it is weird that it would be such a big issue to do a bbq or get together with this kid and some other families. The boys will be in school together. They don't have to be friends, but they have to get along and be nice to each other. Even my 8 year old son understands that when the whiny 6 year old next door shows up in our yard, he needs to be nice, moderately friendly, get along, and not make a big deal out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I have boys and a son this age. Can't you ask him what the problem is? "They didn't click" is ridiculous. They were together for what, an hour? And they are going to the same school next year? I would make him go, once, unless there was a serious problem you missed

Actually, not only did I notice some major differences in our boys, but I also asked my DS and his reasons confirmed my thoughts as to WHY they didn't click. In addition, his mom referenced a few of his special traits. Getting into the reasons on this board serve no purpose. At the end of the day, DS didn't "click" with the other boy because of a number of differences. I would never "make" a 10 yr old play with a kid with whom he had nothing in common. And, no, I'm not going to get into what the "differences" are.

This made my stomach turn.

OP, I'm sorry but if you don't feel comfortable sharing the "differences" on an anonymous forum, then we can all well imagine what's going on and the only conclusion I can draw is that you completely suck and you're teaching your son the same values.

Ugh.

[Anonymous]

+1