Kind way to say "no" to play date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, we had a lot of family friends. My parents were friends with their parents. We would all get together and the kids were expected to play nice with each other, whether we "clicked" or not. We kids never became great friends but these friends were a different kind of friend and we learned to get along with people who weren't exactly like us. As adults we are still in touch and probably better friends now. These are life lessons that kids need to learn. When did it happen that kids get to dictate everyone in their world. Have a family bbq like PP suggested.

+1000. Me too and some of these kids I did not like at all (boys! Yuck. Older or younger. Personalities didn't mesh. Whatever) but I learned to suck it up. We are much better friends as adults. We all sort of grew up together like relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, we had a lot of family friends. My parents were friends with their parents. We would all get together and the kids were expected to play nice with each other, whether we "clicked" or not. We kids never became great friends but these friends were a different kind of friend and we learned to get along with people who weren't exactly like us. As adults we are still in touch and probably better friends now. These are life lessons that kids need to learn. When did it happen that kids get to dictate everyone in their world. Have a family bbq like PP suggested.

+1000. Me too and some of these kids I did not like at all (boys! Yuck. Older or younger. Personalities didn't mesh. Whatever) but I learned to suck it up. We are much better friends as adults. We all sort of grew up together like relatives.

Yes, yes and yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my kid have a playdate with someone they're not interested in.
Honestly, I would probably tell the mom something less-than-true about my kid to take the blame such as, "My son is dealing with some social issues right now. I'm sorry it won't work out for them to get together, but I'd love to do lunch with the two of us.."

.

Seriously? Why?

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll post. My 7 year old acts kinder than OPs son

[Anonymous]

Sorry Jack cant make a playdate this week. Ive asked him, but he is being anti-playdate these days. Why dont i get back to you when he's out of this phase. You know how kids are.

Then never follow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, we had a lot of family friends. My parents were friends with their parents. We would all get together and the kids were expected to play nice with each other, whether we "clicked" or not. We kids never became great friends but these friends were a different kind of friend and we learned to get along with people who weren't exactly like us. As adults we are still in touch and probably better friends now. These are life lessons that kids need to learn. When did it happen that kids get to dictate everyone in their world. Have a family bbq like PP suggested.

+1000. Me too and some of these kids I did not like at all (boys! Yuck. Older or younger. Personalities didn't mesh. Whatever) but I learned to suck it up. We are much better friends as adults. We all sort of grew up together like relatives.

Yes, yes and yes!

This. I grew up the same way. I'm so tired of people saying they would never make their kid play with someone different than them. No wonder there is such tension between groups who think differently. Parents set kids up for this type of segregated life from the start. My own family has so many differences. Kids are already segregated by grade nowadays as opposed to earlier generations where kids would play with whomever lived nearby and in one room schoolhouses. There's a difference between inviting someone over before school starts and inviting your 5 besties over for a sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, we had a lot of family friends. My parents were friends with their parents. We would all get together and the kids were expected to play nice with each other, whether we "clicked" or not. We kids never became great friends but these friends were a different kind of friend and we learned to get along with people who weren't exactly like us. As adults we are still in touch and probably better friends now. These are life lessons that kids need to learn. When did it happen that kids get to dictate everyone in their world. Have a family bbq like PP suggested.

+1000. Me too and some of these kids I did not like at all (boys! Yuck. Older or younger. Personalities didn't mesh. Whatever) but I learned to suck it up. We are much better friends as adults. We all sort of grew up together like relatives.

Yes, yes and yes!

We had friends like these too. OP if you knew any other kids going to the same school next year, I'd suggest you host something with 1-2 other kids as well, to mix it up, but even if you don't, it would be good for you to give it another shot. The venue is important; kids will have more fun at someone's house than they will at a coffee shop.

[Anonymous]

What you're not seeming to grasp OP is that if you allow your son to effectively reject your friend's son at this early stage, no effort made - you will lose this friend completely. In fact I would say there's a chance she'll never speak to you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm okay with honest: "I'm sorry, my son doesn't seem to want another play date right now (I don't quite know why). Why don't we give it some time?"

If I were on the other end, I would be fine with that. I don't think it's a big deal if kids don't click for whatever reason.

What does I "don't quite know why" mean?

[Anonymous]

DS texted me from across the table asking, "Can we go? I have tons of homework." The look on his face was irritation. He's generally pretty accommodating and flexible with friends. He had no homework, but later in the car he explained his reasons which supported my earlier thought that they had not been clicking. Anyway, we excused ourselves, saying we were sorry to cut it short, but we had a ton to do.

Seriously, what is wrong with you? Even if my son ultimately didn't want to be friends with a kid, in the scenario you describe, the answer to that text is " no, we are visiting with Jane and her son. Don't text me again while we're here."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I have boys and a son this age. Can't you ask him what the problem is? "They didn't click" is ridiculous. They were together for what, an hour? And they are going to the same school next year? I would make him go, once, unless there was a serious problem you missed

Actually, not only did I notice some major differences in our boys, but I also asked my DS and his reasons confirmed my thoughts as to WHY they didn't click. In addition, his mom referenced a few of his special traits. Getting into the reasons on this board serve no purpose. At the end of the day, DS didn't "click" with the other boy because of a number of differences. I would never "make" a 10 yr old play with a kid with whom he had nothing in common. And, no, I'm not going to get into what the "differences" are.

Just be evasive - if the kid has similar "special traits" as my kid, she'll pick up that your son doesn't want to be friends, because it's the theme song of this boy's life.

She's hoping for a buddy for her kid- it's why she's being persistent. She'll get the message so there's no reason to be blunt unless you need to be.

I'm sorry. I hope my son never changes - he's five and will happily play with anyone (played with an autistic boy at the park the other day - was a little puzzled at times by the boy's behavior, but had a great time nonetheless with his "friend").

I too grew up playing with my parents' friends' kids. My siblings and I were the weird, unpopular kids, but my parents' friends' kids nonetheless happily played with us all through elementary school and jr. high. It's not that hard, people, to be kind and open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DS texted me from across the table asking, "Can we go? I have tons of homework." The look on his face was irritation. He's generally pretty accommodating and flexible with friends. He had no homework, but later in the car he explained his reasons which supported my earlier thought that they had not been clicking. Anyway, we excused ourselves, saying we were sorry to cut it short, but we had a ton to do.

Seriously, what is wrong with you? Even if my son ultimately didn't want to be friends with a kid, in the scenario you describe, the answer to that text is " no, we are visiting with Jane and her son. Don't text me again while we're here."

agree. Plus why does your 10 year old have a phone?

[Anonymous]

There are so many DCUMers who think people need to be blunt, but as others mentioned some people find it offensive. Just be busy. Simple. If she persists, say you'll let her know if things become less hectic.

I agree with others who say don't force a friendship. That might make him dislike the kid more. Simply make it clear, he does have to be respectful to this child when they see eachother at school. If he really doesn't want to play at all, simply get together as couples.

I have a child with SN and I would not want anyone forcing their kid to play with him. Just tell your kid to be nice and my child will find his own friends thank you very much.

Everyone is putting a halo on the other boys' head and horns on OP's sons' head. Maybe the kid tried to show him porn or spent a lot of time badmouthing others. Maybe he insulted OP's son. Don't assume things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DS texted me from across the table asking, "Can we go? I have tons of homework." The look on his face was irritation. He's generally pretty accommodating and flexible with friends. He had no homework, but later in the car he explained his reasons which supported my earlier thought that they had not been clicking. Anyway, we excused ourselves, saying we were sorry to cut it short, but we had a ton to do.

Seriously, what is wrong with you? Even if my son ultimately didn't want to be friends with a kid, in the scenario you describe, the answer to that text is " no, we are visiting with Jane and her son. Don't text me again while we're here."

agree. Plus why does your 10 year old have a phone?

Why didn't OP go over to the boys after the text to see what was going on and whether she could ease them into something to do together instead of whisking DS out? Sometimes kids have to learn to navigate less than ideal companions for a while. Didn't OP end up cutting short a pleasant visit with her own friend too by giving in to DS?

[Anonymous]

Why not invite the kid to go to a movie? It would be a kind way to include the child but the kids wouldn't have to interact that much.