Kind way to say "no" to play date

[Anonymous]

Most kids aren't going to hit it off sitting at a table. Have them over- let the boys play outside or if it's lousy out let them play some games inside. Having a kid with a phone in a cafe isn't going to foster friendships.

[Anonymous]

I believe in letting kids pick friends, but you set this up for failure. You met for coffee and the boys could just sit there playing on one device or reading from one book?

I would encourage you son to meet up one more time. He does not have to be best friends with this boy, but he may find it better to know someone.

If you feel a play date is too much, I like the family BBQ idea.

That is unless there is more to this than you r saying for fear the family is reading this. Like a safety issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I have boys and a son this age. Can't you ask him what the problem is? "They didn't click" is ridiculous. They were together for what, an hour? And they are going to the same school next year? I would make him go, once, unless there was a serious problem you missed

Actually, not only did I notice some major differences in our boys, but I also asked my DS and his reasons confirmed my thoughts as to WHY they didn't click. In addition, his mom referenced a few of his special traits. Getting into the reasons on this board serve no purpose. At the end of the day, DS didn't "click" with the other boy because of a number of differences. I would never "make" a 10 yr old play with a kid with whom he had nothing in common. And, no, I'm not going to get into what the "differences" are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe in letting kids pick friends, but you set this up for failure. You met for coffee and the boys could just sit there playing on one device or reading from one book?

I would encourage you son to meet up one more time. He does not have to be best friends with this boy, but he may find it better to know someone.

If you feel a play date is too much, I like the family BBQ idea.

That is unless there is more to this than you r saying for fear the family is reading this. Like a safety issue.

Yes, you may be right.

[Anonymous]

How big is their new school? Because if it is relatively small, they are going to have to find a way to get along once they get there, whether or not they "click." I would invite the family over for dinner or a bbq so that everyone can hang out as a group.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't make my kid have a playdate with someone they're not interested in.
Honestly, I would probably tell the mom something less-than-true about my kid to take the blame such as, "My son is dealing with some social issues right now. I'm sorry it won't work out for them to get together, but I'd love to do lunch with the two of us.."

[Anonymous]

Actually, not only did I notice some major differences in our boys, but I also asked my DS and his reasons confirmed my thoughts as to WHY they didn't click. In addition, his mom referenced a few of his special traits. Getting into the reasons on this board serve no purpose. At the end of the day, DS didn't "click" with the other boy because of a number of differences.

"Special traits?" Wow, you sound mean and judgmental. Just spare these people the drama and say your son doesn't want to do the play date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my kid have a playdate with someone they're not interested in.
Honestly, I would probably tell the mom something less-than-true about my kid to take the blame such as, "My son is dealing with some social issues right now. I'm sorry it won't work out for them to get together, but I'd love to do lunch with the two of us.."

Why would you throw your son under the bus like this? Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Actually, not only did I notice some major differences in our boys, but I also asked my DS and his reasons confirmed my thoughts as to WHY they didn't click. In addition, his mom referenced a few of his special traits. Getting into the reasons on this board serve no purpose. At the end of the day, DS didn't "click" with the other boy because of a number of differences.

"Special traits?" Wow, you sound mean and judgmental. Just spare these people the drama and say your son doesn't want to do the play date.

Agree, because if forced to hang out with a kid he doesn't like, he will spread his dislike of the boy at the new school and sabotage the other kid's social chances. Boys do this if they want to distance themselves from someone they think is not as cool as they are.

Have your child read "Wonder."

[Anonymous]

OP, something about your tone makes you sound high maintenance. Just lie and say your son is super busy and they can see each other when school starts. Do not tell her that the boys didn't click unless you enjoy hurting other people's feelings

[Anonymous]

Your kid sounds like a spoiled jerk.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up, we had a lot of family friends. My parents were friends with their parents. We would all get together and the kids were expected to play nice with each other, whether we "clicked" or not. We kids never became great friends but these friends were a different kind of friend and we learned to get along with people who weren't exactly like us. As adults we are still in touch and probably better friends now. These are life lessons that kids need to learn. When did it happen that kids get to dictate everyone in their world. Have a family bbq like PP suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is difficult. He didn't even give it a chance.

Or, he didn't get on well with the other kid and that's ok. That doesn't make him difficult (and as as aside, you should point that judgmental finger inward). It makes him a person who has his own opinions.

I generally come out that it is not your job to protect every sensitive person feelings. They need to toughen up a bit. That said, I think you can get together without the pressure of a "playdate." I love the family BBQ idea. And, ask your son to please give it another chance (but w/o pressure). He's old enough to understand the request and to suck up a couple of hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I have boys and a son this age. Can't you ask him what the problem is? "They didn't click" is ridiculous. They were together for what, an hour? And they are going to the same school next year? I would make him go, once, unless there was a serious problem you missed

Actually, not only did I notice some major differences in our boys, but I also asked my DS and his reasons confirmed my thoughts as to WHY they didn't click. In addition, his mom referenced a few of his special traits. Getting into the reasons on this board serve no purpose. At the end of the day, DS didn't "click" with the other boy because of a number of differences. I would never "make" a 10 yr old play with a kid with whom he had nothing in common. And, no, I'm not going to get into what the "differences" are.

Just be evasive - if the kid has similar "special traits" as my kid, she'll pick up that your son doesn't want to be friends, because it's the theme song of this boy's life.

She's hoping for a buddy for her kid- it's why she's being persistent. She'll get the message so there's no reason to be blunt unless you need to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I have boys and a son this age. Can't you ask him what the problem is? "They didn't click" is ridiculous. They were together for what, an hour? And they are going to the same school next year? I would make him go, once, unless there was a serious problem you missed

Actually, not only did I notice some major differences in our boys, but I also asked my DS and his reasons confirmed my thoughts as to WHY they didn't click. In addition, his mom referenced a few of his special traits. Getting into the reasons on this board serve no purpose. At the end of the day, DS didn't "click" with the other boy because of a number of differences. I would never "make" a 10 yr old play with a kid with whom he had nothing in common. And, no, I'm not going to get into what the "differences" are.

Just be evasive - if the kid has similar "special traits" as my kid, she'll pick up that your son doesn't want to be friends, because it's the theme song of this boy's life.

She's hoping for a buddy for her kid- it's why she's being persistent. She'll get the message so there's no reason to be blunt unless you need to be.

PP again.

OP is raising an entitled brat. There is no way in this short of a time that 11 year old boys could discover "differences" so severe that they can't play together once or twice, for the sake of family and school peace and harmony.