Feel Like DH Abandoned Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. When I had my first born, I had a complication and in the aftermath of it, DH was not sympathetic to my need for time to destress afterwards. He argued with me about it several times, and to this day, it still is like the main resentment I have. If they can't be there in your time of need, it is kind of telling of their true feelings (or lack thereof).

Please let it go. It is in the past. You can't move forward with resentment. Each day is a new day.

[Anonymous]

Interested in what the responses would be if OP were a man in the hospital for a scary but maybe not totally life threatening event! My guess is that you harpy bitches would be all over the wife for ignoring offers to help so she could spend more time advocating for her DH in the hospital and otherwise keeping him company!

OP- I grew up in a family where both parents had health scares. Every time they would find a way to use their network to watch us 3 kids so they could spend as much time as possible looking out for each other. We didn't feel like a second priority or whatever bullshit these hags are spewing at you because you're a stepmom. You *were* abandoned and you have every right to be mad because you couldn't count on him. Talk with DH. Let him know he put you at risk for substandard care (a reality in most hospitals for unaccompanied patients these days IMHO) and it bugged you how he put his head in the sand and left you to hold the bag when you should have been it together. Tell him it also got you thinking about what should happen if God forbid something happened to him, and that given your new responsibilities he shouldn't expect more than cursory visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interested in what the responses would be if OP were a man in the hospital for a scary but maybe not totally life threatening event! My guess is that you harpy bitches would be all over the wife for ignoring offers to help so she could spend more time advocating for her DH in the hospital and otherwise keeping him company!

OP- I grew up in a family where both parents had health scares. Every time they would find a way to use their network to watch us 3 kids so they could spend as much time as possible looking out for each other. We didn't feel like a second priority or whatever bullshit these hags are spewing at you because you're a stepmom. You *were* abandoned and you have every right to be mad because you couldn't count on him. Talk with DH. Let him know he put you at risk for substandard care (a reality in most hospitals for unaccompanied patients these days IMHO) and it bugged you how he put his head in the sand and left you to hold the bag when you should have been it together. Tell him it also got you thinking about what should happen if God forbid something happened to him, and that given your new responsibilities he shouldn't expect more than cursory visits.

No man would expect his wife to stay with him all day when she clearly has other serious responsibilities.

This advice is so venemous that it almost seems like a malicious attempt to wreak some anonymous person's marriage. Shame on you. Do you even believe what you just posted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interested in what the responses would be if OP were a man in the hospital for a scary but maybe not totally life threatening event! My guess is that you harpy bitches would be all over the wife for ignoring offers to help so she could spend more time advocating for her DH in the hospital and otherwise keeping him company!

OP- I grew up in a family where both parents had health scares. Every time they would find a way to use their network to watch us 3 kids so they could spend as much time as possible looking out for each other. We didn't feel like a second priority or whatever bullshit these hags are spewing at you because you're a stepmom. You *were* abandoned and you have every right to be mad because you couldn't count on him. Talk with DH. Let him know he put you at risk for substandard care (a reality in most hospitals for unaccompanied patients these days IMHO) and it bugged you how he put his head in the sand and left you to hold the bag when you should have been it together. Tell him it also got you thinking about what should happen if God forbid something happened to him, and that given your new responsibilities he shouldn't expect more than cursory visits.

The PP a few above you gave a long, reasoned, well-written analysis of how this would feel to his existing children and how he is doing the right thing by them. You, on the other hand, offer nothing but insults towards people with whom you disagree. It makes it hard to take you at all seriously. OP, the fact that this is the level of discourse from somebody who agrees with you should be a warning sign.

[Anonymous]

6 pages of responses Op.

Do you care to respond or admit you were a bit dramatic and unrealistic now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interested in what the responses would be if OP were a man in the hospital for a scary but maybe not totally life threatening event! My guess is that you harpy bitches would be all over the wife for ignoring offers to help so she could spend more time advocating for her DH in the hospital and otherwise keeping him company!

OP- I grew up in a family where both parents had health scares. Every time they would find a way to use their network to watch us 3 kids so they could spend as much time as possible looking out for each other. We didn't feel like a second priority or whatever bullshit these hags are spewing at you because you're a stepmom. You *were* abandoned and you have every right to be mad because you couldn't count on him. Talk with DH. Let him know he put you at risk for substandard care (a reality in most hospitals for unaccompanied patients these days IMHO) and it bugged you how he put his head in the sand and left you to hold the bag when you should have been it together. Tell him it also got you thinking about what should happen if God forbid something happened to him, and that given your new responsibilities he shouldn't expect more than cursory visits.

The PP a few above you gave a long, reasoned, well-written analysis of how this would feel to his existing children and how he is doing the right thing by them. You, on the other hand, offer nothing but insults towards people with whom you disagree. It makes it hard to take you at all seriously. OP, the fact that this is the level of discourse from somebody who agrees with you should be a warning sign.

I'm not the PP, but gagged a bit on your "insults" and "level of discourse" comments, considering that 9 out of 10 responses here have been some pretty vile insults aimed at the OP.

It's not a matter of whether or not you agree with her, it's how she can process the feeling she has and move forward. There's some valuable perspective offered here that she clearly didn't have before, but to get it she'd have see through the main message being delivered: your feelings don't matter.

If that's the way you people handle relationships, there's little wonder why they fail. It's certainly not the way to get someone to consider the feelings of others.

Best bet for the OP is to stop reading here (if she hasn't already and I hope she has) and start talking to her husband. Her feelings do matter if that marriage is going to work, but there's no way to address problems if she keeps them bottled up.

And there's no good that can come from internalizing the hateful shit served up here, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. Your dh was working, in grad school, had to care for 2 kids all by himself while you were sick. Pls put it in perspective. 1 hr a day was probably already hard to fit in. I know because I was on bedrest at the hospital for 3 months and my dh had to shoulder so much when I was gone. See things from his perspective.

OP, this us the advice you need to be looking at. Your Dh was being strong and taking on responsibilities while you were at the hospital. He knew high were in good hands at the hospital. Don't make it out to be more than it us. Cherish and celebrate your life with him, girl!