Moms who work long hours

[Anonymous]

Why are all these nasty SAHMs on a job a career forum? Shouldn't you be busy taking care of your snowflakes who are too good to slum it in daycare or with a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad for OPs kid. You know her coworker's think she is a shitty mom.

Do her coworkers think dads who work the same job and the same hours are shitty dads, or does it just not matter if/how dads WOH? And why would anyone give a rat's ass what their coworkers thought of their parenting?

OP, ignore this BS. I have a teenager, work full time, and (OMG) got divorced when he was two and a half and have had joint custody ever since, and resulting financial hurdles to navigate ever since as well. Here are some truths I can tell you.

1.) No matter what you do, someone is going to think you are a crappy mother. Screw those people, and don't give their feelings your precious time.

1. a.) Some of these people are bound to be people you work with at some point in some form or another. Quietly hate on them privately for their stupidity, but don't take any crap from them if you can help it.

2.) 10 months is the blink of an eye. You have a workable, stable, TEMPORARY situation here, and you and your husband have worked this out very well, it sounds like.

3.) Children always want and need more than we can give. They just do. Even SAHMs will tell you they are sometimes tapped and can't do what they think they ought to be doing for their children. You do the absolute best you can, and that's all you can do. Your children's needs and what you can and should do for them changes, but it never dissipates.

4.) This random stranger on the internet can tell you love your child very much and are doing what is best for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I do. I see our child for 20 or 30 minutes in the mornings but DH and I rarely see her on week days because we both get home after she goes to bed (DH also leaves before she wakes up). We see her on weekends though and I assume we will see her more as she can stay up later. It is what it is. No point feeling guilty over something you can't control.

I'm a WOHM but I don't understand this post at all. Of course you have control over it. You may not feel guilty at all, but that's another matter. Everyone has priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are all these nasty SAHMs on a job a career forum? Shouldn't you be busy taking care of your snowflakes who are too good to slum it in daycare or with a nanny?

WHy do you assume they are stay at home mom. Most work at home moms also think poorly of people like PP who states that she and her husband only see their child a little on the weekends and 20 minutes in the morning and doesn't feel any guilt missing her kids childhood.

At some point folks need to just get a dog. (Not directed to you OP. You can do this for ten months and hopefully it will end up worth it for your family)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent with older kids, one hundred percent disagree that they need you more when they are older. The only people who say this are those justifying not being around much in the early years or those justifying remaining at home.

Op try to find a way to get more kid time once your contact is complete. You can't turn back time and the preschhol years are when you are the center of their universe.

This. Those really early years are foundational in so many ways.

+2

+3

+4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad for OPs kid. You know her coworker's think she is a shitty mom.

Do her coworkers think dads who work the same job and the same hours are shitty dads, or does it just not matter if/how dads WOH? And why would anyone give a rat's ass what their coworkers thought of their parenting?

OP, ignore this BS. I have a teenager, work full time, and (OMG) got divorced when he was two and a half and have had joint custody ever since, and resulting financial hurdles to navigate ever since as well. Here are some truths I can tell you.

1.) No matter what you do, someone is going to think you are a crappy mother. Screw those people, and don't give their feelings your precious time.

1. a.) Some of these people are bound to be people you work with at some point in some form or another. Quietly hate on them privately for their stupidity, but don't take any crap from them if you can help it.

2.) 10 months is the blink of an eye. You have a workable, stable, TEMPORARY situation here, and you and your husband have worked this out very well, it sounds like.

3.) Children always want and need more than we can give. They just do. Even SAHMs will tell you they are sometimes tapped and can't do what they think they ought to be doing for their children. You do the absolute best you can, and that's all you can do. Your children's needs and what you can and should do for them changes, but it never dissipates.

4.) This random stranger on the internet can tell you love your child very much and are doing what is best for your family.

Love this and agree. My kids are teenagers now and it's all so true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I do. I see our child for 20 or 30 minutes in the mornings but DH and I rarely see her on week days because we both get home after she goes to bed (DH also leaves before she wakes up). We see her on weekends though and I assume we will see her more as she can stay up later. It is what it is. No point feeling guilty over something you can't control.

I'm a WOHM but I don't understand this post at all. Of course you have control over it. You may not feel guilty at all, but that's another matter. Everyone has priorities.

I'm the PP. My husband has the "passion" job. He works in politics on the Hill. His boss is insane and he works crazy hours but he loves it. He lives and breathes this shit. If we want to live in our house and eat, I have to work my BigLaw job (non equity partner) to pay the bills. Lucky me. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

OP I haven't read all pages but I get the stress of disconnection. There was a lot of good advice the first dew pages. Here is what I think helps in coping.

1. Quality over quantity. But record it. Make every moment a memory. Video record your time together. Ask DH to tape you reading or feeding baby. It will go by fast. You will appreciate remembering the memories.


2. You will always miss something new they do, even if you worked 20 hours, the day that you are gone and leave them with grandma, they they do (fill in the blank). So don't feel bad about this temporary season. Also they sleep ALOT, not sure how old your child is but you are still pumping (which is awesome)

3. Do something to make her feel connection with you during the day. Maybe each day send a text of you singing a song about today. Or read the same book. Let the nanny play the recording of you every day or something after nap. Your baby will get you in their routine that way.

4. Ask Nanny and DH to record everything!! And store it on ThisLife which is the best for aggregate consolidation and sharing.

5. Don't stress out. They sense it. You're doing the right thing.

6. Remember you have options. Agree with the PP who said remind yourself of this and reevaluate your environment and verify that everyone is still on board quarterly. No one is forcing your hand. And worst case scenario, if this opportunity changed, you would still have love and family which is really what matters. Many people pay off loans in 10 years and that is okay too. You're awesome doe what you're doing but you have every right to change your plan because life happens. Don't be hard on yourself.

7. Snuggle with her at night sometimes if it don't interrupt her sleep. I would creep in get my DD and bring her to bed with me and my DH. Made me feel there was more time for us.

I totally get the intensity of your environment and your emotional conflict. It can be hard to turn that off at home and go right back in to the rigmarole. But once you master it, and if you're good, people like to keep people around. Be prepared for another contract opportunity and more money - and possibly more time doing this than you planned. When that happens, see #6 again.

OP - You're a pretty amazing woman and mother to have the testimony that you do. My best wishes with you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for all the typos. I'm exhausted.