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[quote=Anonymous]OP I haven't read all pages but I get the stress of disconnection. There was a lot of good advice the first dew pages. Here is what I think helps in coping.

1. Quality over quantity. But record it. Make every moment a memory. Video record your time together. Ask DH to tape you reading or feeding baby. It will go by fast. You will appreciate remembering the memories.

2. You will always miss something new they do, even if you worked 20 hours, the day that you are gone and leave them with grandma, they they do (fill in the blank). So don't feel bad about this temporary season. Also they sleep ALOT, not sure how old your child is but you are still pumping (which is awesome)

3. Do something to make her feel connection with you during the day. Maybe each day send a text of you singing a song about today. Or read the same book. Let the nanny play the recording of you every day or something after nap. Your baby will get you in their routine that way.

4. Ask Nanny and DH to record everything!! And store it on ThisLife which is the best for aggregate consolidation and sharing.

5. Don't stress out. They sense it. You're doing the right thing.

6. Remember you have options. Agree with the PP who said remind yourself of this and reevaluate your environment and verify that everyone is still on board quarterly. No one is forcing your hand. And worst case scenario, if this opportunity changed, you would still have love and family which is really what matters. Many people pay off loans in 10 years and that is okay too. You're awesome doe what you're doing but you have every right to change your plan because life happens. Don't be hard on yourself.

7. Snuggle with her at night sometimes if it don't interrupt her sleep. I would creep in get my DD and bring her to bed with me and my DH. Made me feel there was more time for us.

I totally get the intensity of your environment and your emotional conflict. It can be hard to turn that off at home and go right back in to the rigmarole. But once you master it, and if you're good, people like to keep people around. Be prepared for another contract opportunity and more money - and possibly more time doing this than you planned.  When that happens, see #6 again.

OP - You're a pretty amazing woman and mother to have the testimony that you do. My best wishes with you and your family.
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