Moms who work long hours

[Anonymous]

Op, the advice you got up is good, but really, there is little way around 70-80 + commute?

Just keep the end goal in mind and reevaluate. Make the time that you do have with her really matter - read to her, play games, etc. let dh and nanny do the housework or most of it so that the little precious time you have, you're not spending on housework etc.

[Anonymous]

Realize you still have it better than 90% of the population.

You can do anything for 10 months... And in a blink it is over.

Believe me .... Like child birth, You won't even remember how hard it was.

Pat yourself on the back for putting in the hard work to get to a solid footing.

[Anonymous]

It will suck at first but the year will go by pretty quickly. I'm unemployed now but when I was working 70 hr weeks I was so stressed. All.the.time. For me it was worth the stress for reasons Ill explain later.

What helped me was to always find time for quiet mediation at the end of the day to remind myself how badass I was for juggling work plus pumping breastmilk 3 times a day, to reflect on how lucky I was for my kids and I to be in good health. Basically just take some time at the end of each day to be thankful for what you DO have no matter how hard daily life becomes.

I grew up homeless and life was tough for me as a kid. To give you an idea my mom used to drop me off at the bookstore while she went to work. Some days when she didn't get off til 10 or 11pm I was so hungry I would pry open the tampon dispenser machine in the womens bathroom to take the quarters to buy food to eat from the borders bookstore cafe. Some nights I would sit on the front steps of the bookstore after they closed crying bc I didnt think my mom was coming back for me when in reality she just got off late or hit traffic on the freeway bc a lane was closed.
No 9 or 10 year old should have to go through this. Each day I recognized my accomplishments and how far Id come and Id remind myself that Id do whatever it takes to provide a stable home for my children.

So in summary, go about your life with a mindset of daily gratitude. Also be sure to keep your end goals in mind to remember why youre busting your ass; for your child, for your family.

[Anonymous]

My hours don't bother me anymore. The kids are 4 and 2.5. I think what helps are two things:

1. Quality time over quantity.
2. Knowing they're in great hands when I'm not there.

[Anonymous]

I agree that they seem to need you more at around 3-4. The fact that you have her with a nanny and DH means that she is getting plenty of one on one attention to thrive!

Not sure if this is possible in your line of work, but a lot of people with "big" jobs leave the office in time for bedtime and then log back on at work.

Just remember that financially providing for your child is part of being a good parent and taking care of her. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. In the meantime maybe getting a lot of texts and videos during the day would help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will suck at first but the year will go by pretty quickly. I'm unemployed now but when I was working 70 hr weeks I was so stressed. All.the.time. For me it was worth the stress for reasons Ill explain later.

What helped me was to always find time for quiet mediation at the end of the day to remind myself how badass I was for juggling work plus pumping breastmilk 3 times a day, to reflect on how lucky I was for my kids and I to be in good health. Basically just take some time at the end of each day to be thankful for what you DO have no matter how hard daily life becomes.

I grew up homeless and life was tough for me as a kid. To give you an idea my mom used to drop me off at the bookstore while she went to work. Some days when she didn't get off til 10 or 11pm I was so hungry I would pry open the tampon dispenser machine in the womens bathroom to take the quarters to buy food to eat from the borders bookstore cafe. Some nights I would sit on the front steps of the bookstore after they closed crying bc I didnt think my mom was coming back for me when in reality she just got off late or hit traffic on the freeway bc a lane was closed.
No 9 or 10 year old should have to go through this. Each day I recognized my accomplishments and how far Id come and Id remind myself that Id do whatever it takes to provide a stable home for my children.

So in summary, go about your life with a mindset of daily gratitude. Also be sure to keep your end goals in mind to remember why youre busting your ass; for your child, for your family.

Wow, amazing story! You are one strong mama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire out everything that you can

Family breakfasts a few times a week (before the day gets crazy and you get stuck at work)

Re-evaluate every 3-6 months if this is still the best plan for your family. In between doing this, let yourself off the hook on guilt. Just do what you have to do

Thanks. I usually leave for work by 7 and my daughter isn't up until 8 or 9 most days. I usually arrive at work with demands already under way, so breakfast together isn't going to work. I do have a cleaner come once a week. I haven't given up cooking yet because I actually enjoy it.

This is the only way we will ever be able to pay off student loans and afford a home any time in the next 10 or so years, so reevaluating means giving up that dream. Before this, I was making five figures because my field is very feast or famine. DH makes five figures. I think I can push through for one year, but nights like tonight when DH tells me my daughter just said a new word make me want to give up.

I don't necessarily think what you're doing is wrong--I might do it in your circumstances, too. But DH and I both work full-time and until recently, we each made 5 figures. He only recently bumped up to 100k exactly, I'm still at 60k. I work 40 hours, he works 45-50. We own a house in DC and see our kids plenty. Maybe too much. We are not rolling in $, and I often wish we made more. But who doesn't wish that? I thank my lucky stars almost daily for the fact that we are able to live a balanced life in this city.

Just wanted to give you an example of a two-income family doing just fine and still able to see the kids. You know, not every house here costs $1 million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire out everything that you can

Family breakfasts a few times a week (before the day gets crazy and you get stuck at work)

Re-evaluate every 3-6 months if this is still the best plan for your family. In between doing this, let yourself off the hook on guilt. Just do what you have to do

Thanks. I usually leave for work by 7 and my daughter isn't up until 8 or 9 most days. I usually arrive at work with demands already under way, so breakfast together isn't going to work. I do have a cleaner come once a week. I haven't given up cooking yet because I actually enjoy it.

This is the only way we will ever be able to pay off student loans and afford a home any time in the next 10 or so years, so reevaluating means giving up that dream. Before this, I was making five figures because my field is very feast or famine. DH makes five figures. I think I can push through for one year, but nights like tonight when DH tells me my daughter just said a new word make me want to give up.

I don't necessarily think what you're doing is wrong--I might do it in your circumstances, too. But DH and I both work full-time and until recently, we each made 5 figures. He only recently bumped up to 100k exactly, I'm still at 60k. I work 40 hours, he works 45-50. We own a house in DC and see our kids plenty. Maybe too much. We are not rolling in $, and I often wish we made more. But who doesn't wish that? I thank my lucky stars almost daily for the fact that we are able to live a balanced life in this city.

Just wanted to give you an example of a two-income family doing just fine and still able to see the kids. You know, not every house here costs $1 million.

But the OP has to pay off student loans. She is right to try to get her debt level down. It will pay off in the long term.

[Anonymous]

I think for me, it would be the fact that you have a deadline. This is not the rest of your life; this is the next ten months. Do what you can to maximize time with your kid now, and remind yourself that it's over in ten months.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there OP. If this is the financially wise plan (it sounds like it is, not like you're working long housr to buy junk you don't need), and temporary (less than a year), you can do it! Focus on the quality time. I had 6 glorious months of maternity leave, then didn't allow myself to seriously reconsider working or not working until DC was 1 year old. I figured I should give it that long to ensure I didn't make a short sighted emotional decision. It was hard then, it is still hard now, a year later. I've decided to be a SAHM starting in a few months. For me, it is the right decision. My point for you is that you can get through temporary hard things with larger goals in mind (your family's well-being). Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the plan when your contract is up?

In a year, our student loans will be paid off. We'll have enough to keep about 6 months of expenses in savings and put the rest on a home somewhere inexpensive. We have a strict budget that we stick to -- I pack my lunches, for instance. At that point, I'll downgrade career and earnings-wise but enjoy much better hours. Because we plan to buy somewhere less expensive than the immediate DC area, we'll be able to afford the payments easily on less HHI. Just need to save the downpayment and get out of debt first.

This sounds like a good plan but I did the same thing with my oldest and I honestly regret it. She didn't get anywhere near the time with me that my second got and I feel bad about it. She obviously loves me but I feel she is closer to her dad because he was around more. I recognize that can change as she gets older though. If it's a situation where you have no choice, you just have to push through. Fortunately I got to work part time with the second kid.

[Anonymous]

You're doing the right thing. And when it gets tough - take the long view. You're saving to allow your DC grow up in a nice house, nice neighborhood, good schools, etc....and to allow yourself a better schedule when she will remember having you around.

And if that doesn't work, just keep telling yourself you're awesome. As Nikki Minaj says, "Bad bitches like me are hard to come by!"

[Anonymous]

I think what your are doing is admirable and you shouldn't beat yourself up.

Your time is limited with your daughter, so think about how you can best use it. People through around quality time, but when time is really limited, I think it is truly it is about bonding: eye contact, more snuggles, more play that she initiates, singing, and silly fun games that you make up on the fly.

She won't remember anything you "do" per se (save the crazy Pinterest crafts for later) at that age, but you will want to make sure that she feels close and secure in the time you do have with her.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your child is young. She won't remember. Period. Power through the year and remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Make sure when you are together you take lots of pictures, that will help. Trust me.

You could also consider co-sleeping. I know a few people who did it because it made them feel closer to their child when they worked crazy hours. Not for everyone, but maybe a snuggle night once a week would do you both good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire out everything that you can

Family breakfasts a few times a week (before the day gets crazy and you get stuck at work)

Re-evaluate every 3-6 months if this is still the best plan for your family. In between doing this, let yourself off the hook on guilt. Just do what you have to do

Thanks. I usually leave for work by 7 and my daughter isn't up until 8 or 9 most days. I usually arrive at work with demands already under way, so breakfast together isn't going to work. I do have a cleaner come once a week. I haven't given up cooking yet because I actually enjoy it.

This is the only way we will ever be able to pay off student loans and afford a home any time in the next 10 or so years, so reevaluating means giving up that dream. Before this, I was making five figures because my field is very feast or famine. DH makes five figures. I think I can push through for one year, but nights like tonight when DH tells me my daughter just said a new word make me want to give up.

Nobody ever died saying they wished they spent more time at the office