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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If my step daughter felt that she owned her father and had the right to dictate to him how he lives, I would tell him not to have her in my house. And we live in my house.

Thing is, I think a lot of kids feel they own their parents. I didn't. [b]I knew my mom and dad would choose each other over me or my siblings. Somehow, that is not acceptable to kids when it involves a new love interest for the parent. If the bio mom and dad said they didn't want holidays with the kids or wanted to do their own thing, somehow that is less terrible?[/b]

If you want a relationship that both of you enjoy, you need to meet the parent on those terms. They give you life and raise you, though in some cases they choose to just send a check and leave because there is no life for them there except for the kid, and if they don't see that kid very often, it is hardly a life.

Maybe you are the selfish one for wanting to own you parent and for resenting them finding happiness.

Kids are born, its biology. It does not mean the world revolves around them. Sorry. Ask any crack whore's kid.[/quote]

Did you just compare a stepparent to an actual parent? Like a child should be prepared to treat them with the same amount of feeling and respect as the actual parent?

Here's a thing. To a new spouse, you may have ideas that you should come as #1 ahead of everyone else. To a child of that spouse, you are the same thing as a daughter-in-law or son-in-law to a parent. In that you are someone who still needs to prove that you mean well to the member of their family you've just married, that you won't do them harm, that you won't alienate them from the rest of the family, and that you won't use them for your own purposes.  That's not evil, that's normal. Because parent is blood and you are no one yet. In time, you may earn their respect. But that won't happen overnight, and you should never, ever expect that your interests will mean anything when weighed against blood.

This was for the stepparent.  What's below is for adult children.

Remember that as you get older, a time will come as it surely will, when your aging parent will need you more than you need them. Not for changing diapers, not for wheeling a chair, but because you (and possibly your children/their grandchildren) are their only link to the future.  Their own life is on the downward trajectory, toward inevitable decline and death. Only the company of children and grandchildren can take that feeling away. Don't forget that.  Don't be too shy to remind them of this.  No one wishes they spent more time with their second wife when on their deathbed. It's the children and the grandchildren. The blood. Remember you have power.[/quote]

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