Serious question for strenuous anti CIO advocates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the difference with many of you posting, is you said you couldn't get to your babies right away...and you felt anxiety over it.

The OP was relaxing in the shower while her newborn cried. That does not seem normal.

Bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the difference with many of you posting, is you said you couldn't get to your babies right away...and you felt anxiety over it.

The OP was relaxing in the shower while her newborn cried. That does not seem normal.

Bingo.

Except for how she's elaborated that that wasn't the case. Read before you post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a 4 week old. When she cries. You pick her up. Right now, that is your life. There really is nothing else...all other things are on hold for a bit.

This isn't a 3 month old, it's a 4 week old. Nothing else is more important.

I absolutely agree with this. Nothing else, your showers, your sustenance, the dog, matter more. That's it. You are a mother now. Act like it.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the most pro-Ferber people possible (I give his book as a baby shower gift). I'm very much in the CIO camp. I think AP is BS.

With that being said, the OP seemed to think she was going to plop this baby out and just go about her regular life? It seems shes a bit on the younger side. I'm not sure if there is a spouse or partner, but OP - not to guilt you, make some changes. And quick.

[Anonymous]

Just as a point here, when the attachment parenting and CIO folks are on the same side of things....

Possible it's a point worth listening too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP, DCUM has spoken: you must remain cloistered in your house, unshowered, and without relieving yourself while your child is awake until she is 3 years old.

Right. That is exactly what everyone here is saying. Not that a new parent needs to make some adjustments to their schedule to accommodate a newborn's needs. Because that would just be crazy.

And if you actually read the OP instead of getting of on guit tripping new mothers, you would see that you're making a ridiculous factual and logical leap. Taking a shower and going for a drive hardly amount to neglectful parenting and a refusal to "accommodate" a newborn, whatever that means.

Are you high? It is making a ridiculous factual leap to say that parents need to adjust their schedule to accommodate a newborn's needs? (and since you seem to need a dictionary...accommodate="To take into consideration or make adjustments for; allow for")

It is the PP that is making a factual leap by stating that the people who are questioning the OP's actions are telling her that she must stay in her house, never shower, never use the bathroom, etc. while their child is awake.

It is a ridiculous factual leap to infer that taking an extra few minutes in the shower or leaving the house means that someone has not otherwisr modified their life and schedule dramatically to accommodate a newborn.

I don't have to infer it. She started this by saying it took her 20 minutes to finish the shower to get to her crying baby. And then she tried to back peddle and change her story, but also outright said that daily relaxing showers were very important to her and she did not think she should have to give that up, as if that was the only alternative to the scenario presented. So she is the one demonstrating that she is not willing to modify her schedule even slightly (i.e. taking a shower at night when her husband is home and/or the baby is sleeping). This is not a difficult adjustment to make.

And no one has said she shouldn't leave her house. Some have said that they tried to avoid longer car rides if they weren't necessary, but not one person has suggested she should never leave her house.

I went out with my babies all the time. I took plenty of "me" time away from them when given the opportunity. I took plenty of showers while they were sleeping in a swing. This is not about mothers becoming martyrs. This is about making reasonable adjustments to one's life when you have a newborn. I have no idea what other adjustments she may or may not have made, but for this particular example, which she presented, she has made it clear that she is not modifying her schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the difference with many of you posting, is you said you couldn't get to your babies right away...and you felt anxiety over it.

The OP was relaxing in the shower while her newborn cried. That does not seem normal.

Bingo.

Except for how she's elaborated that that wasn't the case. Read before you post.

Except that her elaboration was probably bullshit or she would have described it differently in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the difference with many of you posting, is you said you couldn't get to your babies right away...and you felt anxiety over it.

The OP was relaxing in the shower while her newborn cried. That does not seem normal.

Bingo.

Except for how she's elaborated that that wasn't the case. Read before you post.

OP?

[Anonymous]

It seems like op was looking to possibly start using cio as an actual tactic based on all the other crying she lets her newborn do and had to start seriously cm back pedaling once she realized she was way outside the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the most pro-Ferber people possible (I give his book as a baby shower gift). I'm very much in the CIO camp. I think AP is BS.

With that being said, the OP seemed to think she was going to plop this baby out and just go about her regular life? It seems shes a bit on the younger side. I'm not sure if there is a spouse or partner, but OP - not to guilt you, make some changes. And quick.

You have no right to tell others how to raise their children.

Also, you're against breastfeeding, babywearing, and cosleeping? Whatever.

NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

[Anonymous]

NP. OP, I prob would have ended my shower several minutes earlier than you did but I don't think 5 versus 20 on occassion is going to turn your baby into a sociopath. I'm really scared by the crazy posters attacking you! There's a documentary called "Babies" that's fun to watch. The babies in Mongolia and Namibia are shown bumbling around on their own quite a bit. It might be shocking at first but it's really cool. There is more than one way to raise a healthy happy kid. Trust yourself.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP for all of the crazies on here. They think they are beyond reproach and have never done anything not by the books. I'm sure you don't want your child to cry (hence you asking for advice here) but sometimes as much as we all hate it, when you are alone you have to just get by. You were checking on your child while you finished in the shower and they were ok. That is the most important thing. You could see them. They weren't in danger.

On a side note, this is how I handle getting clean (since I refused to be one of the moms that use their child as an excuse to be messy, dirty etc). I'm not on maternity leave any longer but then and now that I'm back to work I make sure that I am up and dressed before my son wakes up at 7 am. In order for me to get up and fully ready (make up, hair and all) I shower at night. That way my husband is home and with the baby so I don't have to worry about him. In the morning, when he showers I'm on call although it is at 5:30 am so the baby is still asleep.

[Anonymous]

Look, the OP started this thread to ask if the crying her baby does now, at 4 weeks, would prep her/help with CIO if necessary. Some people may have gone a bit overboard, but I think the rational people in the thread are just trying to point out that:

1) There is really no connection between the amount of time your 4-week old is allowed to cry now and the success you will have with whatever form of sleep training you use.

2) Every scenario OP presented could be resolved in less than 5 minutes, other than being stuck in traffic. Shampoo in the hair, eating lunch, using the bathroom, cleaning up after the dog-- all of these can be resolved quickly and does not have to involve 20 minutes of letting your baby cry. Obviously, when something like traffic happens and your baby cries, it's not going to do permanent damage. But that is something that is mostly out of your control. For those things you can control, you should take steps to limit the time the baby is crying.

3) OP said in various posts that she does not think she should have to modify her schedule. Some of us are just suggesting that she might consider shifting her priorities, at least when the baby is tiny.

4) Moms can (and should, if it's important to them) take a shower everyday, and there are plenty of ways to do that without leaving the baby to cry.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think OP was trying to do a "gotcha" on anti-CIO ("see? crying is inevitable!") and got predictably torn down.

But I also think that the responses flaming her are kind of stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the most pro-Ferber people possible (I give his book as a baby shower gift). I'm very much in the CIO camp. I think AP is BS.

With that being said, the OP seemed to think she was going to plop this baby out and just go about her regular life? It seems shes a bit on the younger side. I'm not sure if there is a spouse or partner, but OP - not to guilt you, make some changes. And quick.

OK, driving to ped's office for an appointment and back. What changes can be made quick (!) to the lifestyle?