Outside of paying for things, how goes your Executive husband contribute to the household? SAHM que

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hope that even if said spouse/parent is working crazy-ass hours, that he/she at the VERY least:

1) Spends time in a loving, supportive way with children every day that he/she is home

2) Does *something* practical (not just fun and squishy) to contribute to the operation of the household, so that the kids see that not all drudgery is the responsibility of the other parent

3) Treats the other parent with respect and support, so that children see everyone's contributions to the family are valued, and that by virtue of being a human being you are valued

4) Now and again, tell the child what it is you do, even take child to work so that his/her life out of the home isn't a mystery, rather an extension

5) Spends extended, quality time with the family for family vacations -- key to bonding and making memories that last

I think OP's issue had to do with #2. In my opinion, lack of #3 is the deal breaker - and at the very least puts a strain on the marriage. Even if both parents WOH, #3 is fundamental.

I hear ya. The #2 practical thing can be very simple.

For example, if the other parent has a rule that the children need to put their clothes in the hamper and tidy toys before bedtime, the crazyworking spouse who is putting one of the kids away needs to monitor and enforce that. This, to me, is a sign of respect for each person's individual and collective contribution to the household.

Another example is if the other parent has folded the sofa throws and obviously tidied the living room, the crazyworking parent returns the room more or less to that order after snuggling on the sofa or using a glass and plate for a midnight snack.

That sort of thing. It adds an element of domestic respect to the notion of "quality family time."

And by "putting one of the kids away," I mean, of course "putting one of the kids to bed." Haha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you just ran out of idiotic things to say after calling a parents care "outsourcing". Your argument (is it one? Or is it just an outright insult?!) demeaning the legitimate choice to primarily raise ones own young while they are in their pre-school years to the maid/personal assistant category is ..... What? Pro-woman?

Think again.

Go back and read OP's post. Her husband is outsourcing parenting to her. If one person works outside the home 60-80 hours a week and makes a ton of money, it's likely that the other person is going to end up not just running the house but actually doing a lot if the crap work. Risk is greater if the highly paid/highly busy person is a man. I didn't say being a SAHM mother is not worthwhile, I was discussing a larger dynamic. You're the one who turned it into A competition about who is a better mother. You lashed out at a woman instead of sticking to OP's question, which was about a man, so yes, I think you're being sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The envy that some working moms display in every thread pertaining to stay at homes is just embarrassing. I work a big law job with shitty hours, but I don't resent women who stay home enjoying their husbands' money and taking care of their children. It is not stay at home moms' fault that being a working mom sucks so badly from absolutely hostile work environments to ridiculous child care costs. I fully admit that I love having my own money, but hate being away from my kids and actually hate my job and coworkers too. I hear other working moms claiming to love working so much, but if you were having such a good time, you wouldn't be so bitter towards stay at homes.

I love my job, love my coworkers, and my kids are thriving. I'm sorry your job sucks, but not every working parent is miserable.

And, regardless of what people in these threads love to claim, I'm a WOHM who is not jealous at all of SAHMs. I didn't go to a top school and then get an MBA in finance to be a maid/personal assistant, and I wouldn't put myself in a position (e.g., marrying someone super-ambitious) where there would be so much pressure for me to take on that role.

I was super ambitious in my career- but I'm also super ambitious as a mother. Being an involved parent was and is critical to ms- I didn't have kids to outsource their care. I am a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home wife. It's so interesting to me that you focus on being a maid/ personal assistant and completely miss the hours of 1:1 (or, in my case 1:3) time that I get with my kids each day. THAT is why I sta home. To be present for their infancy, toddlerhood and childhood. I'm not their maid, I'm their mom. And I love it. Sorry they didn't make your shortlist when you think about staying home.

Agreed! I have a masters degree, am very ambitious, and was a SAHM for 11 years. I now work less than 1/2 time because that's what I want to do. My kids are my everything. I'm thankful that DH whose not c-level, makes enough for us to live in vienna and for me to SAHM for so long!

If you were a SAHM for 11 years, you're simply not professionally ambitious. That's fine, but own it. And it's "who's."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The envy that some working moms display in every thread pertaining to stay at homes is just embarrassing. I work a big law job with shitty hours, but I don't resent women who stay home enjoying their husbands' money and taking care of their children. It is not stay at home moms' fault that being a working mom sucks so badly from absolutely hostile work environments to ridiculous child care costs. I fully admit that I love having my own money, but hate being away from my kids and actually hate my job and coworkers too. I hear other working moms claiming to love working so much, but if you were having such a good time, you wouldn't be so bitter towards stay at homes.

I love my job, love my coworkers, and my kids are thriving. I'm sorry your job sucks, but not every working parent is miserable.

And, regardless of what people in these threads love to claim, I'm a WOHM who is not jealous at all of SAHMs. I didn't go to a top school and then get an MBA in finance to be a maid/personal assistant, and I wouldn't put myself in a position (e.g., marrying someone super-ambitious) where there would be so much pressure for me to take on that role.

I was super ambitious in my career- but I'm also super ambitious as a mother. Being an involved parent was and is critical to ms- I didn't have kids to outsource their care. I am a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home wife. It's so interesting to me that you focus on being a maid/ personal assistant and completely miss the hours of 1:1 (or, in my case 1:3) time that I get with my kids each day. THAT is why I sta home. To be present for their infancy, toddlerhood and childhood. I'm not their maid, I'm their mom. And I love it. Sorry they didn't make your shortlist when you think about staying home.

Agreed! I have a masters degree, am very ambitious, and was a SAHM for 11 years. I now work less than 1/2 time because that's what I want to do. My kids are my everything. I'm thankful that DH whose not c-level, makes enough for us to live in vienna and for me to SAHM for so long!

If you were a SAHM for 11 years, you're simply not professionally ambitious. That's fine, but own it. And it's "who's."

no it isn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The envy that some working moms display in every thread pertaining to stay at homes is just embarrassing. I work a big law job with shitty hours, but I don't resent women who stay home enjoying their husbands' money and taking care of their children. It is not stay at home moms' fault that being a working mom sucks so badly from absolutely hostile work environments to ridiculous child care costs. I fully admit that I love having my own money, but hate being away from my kids and actually hate my job and coworkers too. I hear other working moms claiming to love working so much, but if you were having such a good time, you wouldn't be so bitter towards stay at homes.

I love my job, love my coworkers, and my kids are thriving. I'm sorry your job sucks, but not every working parent is miserable.

And, regardless of what people in these threads love to claim, I'm a WOHM who is not jealous at all of SAHMs. I didn't go to a top school and then get an MBA in finance to be a maid/personal assistant, and I wouldn't put myself in a position (e.g., marrying someone super-ambitious) where there would be so much pressure for me to take on that role.

I was super ambitious in my career- but I'm also super ambitious as a mother. Being an involved parent was and is critical to ms- I didn't have kids to outsource their care. I am a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home wife. It's so interesting to me that you focus on being a maid/ personal assistant and completely miss the hours of 1:1 (or, in my case 1:3) time that I get with my kids each day. THAT is why I sta home. To be present for their infancy, toddlerhood and childhood. I'm not their maid, I'm their mom. And I love it. Sorry they didn't make your shortlist when you think about staying home.

Agreed! I have a masters degree, am very ambitious, and was a SAHM for 11 years. I now work less than 1/2 time because that's what I want to do. My kids are my everything. I'm thankful that DH whose not c-level, makes enough for us to live in vienna and for me to SAHM for so long!

If you were a SAHM for 11 years, you're simply not professionally ambitious. That's fine, but own it. And it's "who's."

no it isn't

Seriously?
Who is not c level = who's not whose

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The envy that some working moms display in every thread pertaining to stay at homes is just embarrassing. I work a big law job with shitty hours, but I don't resent women who stay home enjoying their husbands' money and taking care of their children. It is not stay at home moms' fault that being a working mom sucks so badly from absolutely hostile work environments to ridiculous child care costs. I fully admit that I love having my own money, but hate being away from my kids and actually hate my job and coworkers too. I hear other working moms claiming to love working so much, but if you were having such a good time, you wouldn't be so bitter towards stay at homes.

I love my job, love my coworkers, and my kids are thriving. I'm sorry your job sucks, but not every working parent is miserable.

And, regardless of what people in these threads love to claim, I'm a WOHM who is not jealous at all of SAHMs. I didn't go to a top school and then get an MBA in finance to be a maid/personal assistant, and I wouldn't put myself in a position (e.g., marrying someone super-ambitious) where there would be so much pressure for me to take on that role.

I was super ambitious in my career- but I'm also super ambitious as a mother. Being an involved parent was and is critical to ms- I didn't have kids to outsource their care. I am a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home wife. It's so interesting to me that you focus on being a maid/ personal assistant and completely miss the hours of 1:1 (or, in my case 1:3) time that I get with my kids each day. THAT is why I sta home. To be present for their infancy, toddlerhood and childhood. I'm not their maid, I'm their mom. And I love it. Sorry they didn't make your shortlist when you think about staying home.

Agreed! I have a masters degree, am very ambitious, and was a SAHM for 11 years. I now work less than 1/2 time because that's what I want to do. My kids are my everything. I'm thankful that DH whose not c-level, makes enough for us to live in vienna and for me to SAHM for so long!

If you were a SAHM for 11 years, you're simply not professionally ambitious. That's fine, but own it. And it's "who's."

no it isn't

Yes, it is.

[Anonymous]

And SAHM isn't a verb. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Hey hey, I was ambitious for the 11 years I chose to SH. Don't judge my ambition because of my choice to be a SAHM. I think WOH females tend to equate ambition with money. Let's not make that mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
H handles all finances. We have a budget of the amount I can use each month on shopping/ hair appointments etc.
Work around house- weekly cleaner
Kids homework- husband
Cooking- all me

Works great for us.

So you have an allowance like a child?

I believe that amount is a budget. Budgets are not allowances. I was a sahm and DH often worked 75 hours/wk and traveled. Prior to being sahm I worked about 45-50. We have no local family such as aunts or grandparents who would have been available to at least have a dinner with the kids or go to sports etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And SAHM isn't a verb. Sigh.

Pedant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



Hey hey, I was ambitious for the 11 years I chose to SH. Don't judge my ambition because of my choice to be a SAHM. I think WOH females tend to equate ambition with money. Let's not make that mistake.

Come on, the poster bragged about having a masters and working "less than 1/2 time" because she has ambition? Sure ...she has the luxury of having a hobby.

Ambition: an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment:

[Anonymous]

We made a deal when we married that I should give it to him once a day with bj and then I'm off the hook. Before marriage it was 3 times a day.

[Anonymous]

I have ambition. To be wealthy. May have been one of my goals. Except that I already am thanks to a trust fund that I found out about at 25. So my NEXT most important ambition is to raise great kids and have really close marriage and as stress free a marriage as possible in a happy home. Me being home allowed that to happen - no wild nights, no frantic coordinating of nanny issues, no tough weekends doing errands that we couldn't do all week, I can work out at my leisure and cook homemade meals and keep the house neat and study what like for pleasure. I just don't define myself by my income or my "power" by my job title. I like our life the way it is- my husband has enough ambition and I'm happy to help facilitate that by making life easier for him so that he can spend more meaningful time with the kids, not doing housework or errands. It works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have ambition. To be wealthy. May have been one of my goals. Except that I already am thanks to a trust fund that I found out about at 25. So my NEXT most important ambition is to raise great kids and have really close marriage and as stress free a marriage as possible in a happy home. Me being home allowed that to happen - no wild nights, no frantic coordinating of nanny issues, no tough weekends doing errands that we couldn't do all week, I can work out at my leisure and cook homemade meals and keep the house neat and study what like for pleasure. I just don't define myself by my income or my "power" by my job title. I like our life the way it is- my husband has enough ambition and I'm happy to help facilitate that by making life easier for him so that he can spend more meaningful time with the kids, not doing housework or errands. It works.

You are an inspiration.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure your desire to work is deeply selfless and your family benefits in no way. I admire you too.