Outside of paying for things, how goes your Executive husband contribute to the household? SAHM que

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if you aren't running things, you are kind of doing it wrong. My friends who are in happy stay at home relationships tend to view their roles as facilitators. They don't ask "what would you like for dinner." Instead, they give two choices, if anything. They don't run details by their working spouses if they aren't important. They handle the day to day basically. If there's an issue that's big, they bring it up for a discussion at a time when the kids' are sleeping and the spouse and be engaged. It's that sort of thing.

The unhappy people? Have an expectation that the working parent will be as interesting in the details of the day to day life that they have. It's very different when you have all day to focus on your family versus a few hours or a single hour (at best).

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Handling finances. Work around house, kids homework, childcare, diaper change, housework, calling vendors, anything?' My CFO things he doesn't have to contribute anything. Kids need both parents input on homework and responsibilities. He says blah.

I think that both parents need to be fully involved in parenting, but if he's working long hours and you're staying at home, I kind of agree that things like housework and logistics are on you. You're the one who's home during the day and around to handle these things.

I agree. Yes, both parents need to weigh in on parenting choices, etc but if one is supporting the other financially and that other is home all day, the majority will fall on that person. Part of the gig.

[Anonymous]

So part of this caveat is that CEO husband is home at a reasonable hour. So here's generally how it goes:
Home at 6:30. Hang out and play with DS as a family or while I start dinner
Dinner as a family
1 of us does bedtime routine, one does dishes/picks up.

As far as cleaning:
Once a month we do a deep clean of the house together
DH is responsible for keeping his stuff in order (I.e. I won't clean his office, put away his clothes, etc) I do do his laundry

Parenting:
DS is 3. Every Sunday DH and DS are gone from wake up to nap time. They go out for breakfast and then to the park
Whenever I need time to myself or time with friends, DH is always willing to give it to me

I handle pretty much everything else, but part of that is because I'm a bit more of a stickler for organization than DH Is. DS goes to preschool 2.5 days a week and I get errands and cleaning done, the gym, and whatever stuff I need to do.

Of course there are times when DH is stressed or exhausted and I have to pick up some of the slack, but over all I'm really lucky.

[Anonymous]

Choices. I do laundry, sports, pta, doctor appts, car maintenance, house work. DH cooks weekends, I cook or do takeout weekdays. We engage equally with kids in the evening and weekends.

I LOVE my life! I work 16 hours a week. Life is good (for me, personally).

[Anonymous]

It depends as his job changes frequently. So for two years he might do the yard work, the garbage, the bills, his own laundry, some cleaning and take the kids to practices and games. And the next two years he might be gone before they wake up and home just before bedtime and traveling in which case I do just about everything.

[Anonymous]

We are talking about a parent/spouse who is a C-level executive? As in CFO, CIO? Or something along the lines of VP (of a big corp) and up?

[Anonymous]

I do groceries all of the cooking, clean (house cleaners every other week but with three kids that's just help) all of the laundry, arrange all dr appts all of the sports sign ups etc. I do 90% of the orchestrating of our social life/planning babysitters etc. all of the decorating. I pay the bills and set up quartey meetings with our investment managers. We both coach our kids sports. He did the yard till he started traveling too much now he pays to have it done. He snow blows/shovels. He does trash and recycling. I do gardening. I buy all the kids clothing. We pick vacations together then he actually books all of it as we are usually using a lot of miles/points etc. we have a system that works for us and can be tweaked when needed. He irons and drops off/picks up his own dry cleaning unless I'm going anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are talking about a parent/spouse who is a C-level executive? As in CFO, CIO? Or something along the lines of VP (of a big corp) and up?

No. SAHMs who are married to others who make enough to SH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
H handles all finances. We have a budget of the amount I can use each month on shopping/ hair appointments etc.
Work around house- weekly cleaner
Kids homework- husband
Cooking- all me

Works great for us.

So you have an allowance like a child?

Seriously. That sounds sp pathetic to me. And you are honestly happy with this? What will you do when kids are in school full-time. Get a job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
H handles all finances. We have a budget of the amount I can use each month on shopping/ hair appointments etc.
Work around house- weekly cleaner
Kids homework- husband
Cooking- all me

Works great for us.

So you have an allowance like a child?

Seriously. That sounds sp pathetic to me. And you are honestly happy with this? What will you do when kids are in school full-time. Get a job!

If you look down on sahm's for caring for their children, there is something wrong with you. She's a sahm and has a budget. You seem like the pathetic one.

[Anonymous]

My family doesn't need my income - but if it's that important to you maybe I'll come take your job from you.

[Anonymous]

The envy that some working moms display in every thread pertaining to stay at homes is just embarrassing. I work a big law job with shitty hours, but I don't resent women who stay home enjoying their husbands' money and taking care of their children. It is not stay at home moms' fault that being a working mom sucks so badly from absolutely hostile work environments to ridiculous child care costs. I fully admit that I love having my own money, but hate being away from my kids and actually hate my job and coworkers too. I hear other working moms claiming to love working so much, but if you were having such a good time, you wouldn't be so bitter towards stay at homes.

[Anonymous]

10:22 here - I should also add that my husband works a great job in finance and yet, I have him on an allowance. Shit, I have an allowance too. It's called a budget. No one is spending all willy nilly in my family. Bills are real. Why is this something you have to use to bash stay at home moms as if they are the only ones who budget?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The envy that some working moms display in every thread pertaining to stay at homes is just embarrassing. I work a big law job with shitty hours, but I don't resent women who stay home enjoying their husbands' money and taking care of their children. It is not stay at home moms' fault that being a working mom sucks so badly from absolutely hostile work environments to ridiculous child care costs. I fully admit that I love having my own money, but hate being away from my kids and actually hate my job and coworkers too. I hear other working moms claiming to love working so much, but if you were having such a good time, you wouldn't be so bitter towards stay at homes.

I love my job, love my coworkers, and my kids are thriving. I'm sorry your job sucks, but not every working parent is miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
H handles all finances. We have a budget of the amount I can use each month on shopping/ hair appointments etc.
Work around house- weekly cleaner
Kids homework- husband
Cooking- all me

Works great for us.

So you have an allowance like a child?

Seriously. That sounds sp pathetic to me. And you are honestly happy with this? What will you do when kids are in school full-time. Get a job!

If you look down on sahm's for caring for their children, there is something wrong with you. She's a sahm and has a budget. You seem like the pathetic one.

Maybe Daddy should buy you some therapy.