Outside of paying for things, how goes your Executive husband contribute to the household? SAHM que
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Anonymous
| Omg not this crap again. |
Anonymous
That goes without saying. I replied earlier in the thread about all that. I do all of the housework (Housecleaner e/o week) all of the cooking, all dr apprs, sports sign ups, supervise homework 75% of the time, organize 90% of social events/babysitters, thank you cards/christmS cards/invitations/etc, all the kids shopping all the laundry, home decorating, etc. we make major financial decisions together but I then organize documents like taxes refi/mortgage/will etc. he does outside work/snow blowing /recycling trash etc. he and I both coach. He does dishes. He puts away his laundry and irons his clothes and does dry cleaning. We co parent and make decisions like schooling/sports/camps jointly. I was specifically reaponding to the idea that the PP is not a maid /personal assistant. I'd be shocked if in an actual relationship she doesn't do many of the same things I or you or any one of us do. That's called loving someone and splitting duties to make life easier and utilitize strengths and weaknesses. It's also time saving. But when I think about being a stay at home MOM? And why? It's not to be a maid or assistant to my husband. It's for my KIDS. Granted- the whe household benefits, but they hands down benefit the most. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
No! Not only in men. Pp here you quoted above. I don't have sons btw only daughters. Career ambition for men AND women is admirable. But if 2 highly driven career centered people get married and decide to have children here is the reality: one or both parents will need to slow down enough to be parents. Work-life balance? It is also admirable, in my opinion, to adjust one's career ambition to accommodate your family. Not sure why so many people on here have an objection to this. |
Anonymous
Agreed! I have a masters degree, am very ambitious, and was a SAHM for 11 years. I now work less than 1/2 time because that's what I want to do. My kids are my everything. I'm thankful that DH whose not c-level, makes enough for us to live in vienna and for me to SAHM for so long! |
Anonymous
EXACTLY |
Anonymous
 As always -- so it's OK that your husband had kids just to outsource their care, but not OK for me? It's OK for your husband not to get 1:1 time with the kids each day, but not OK for me?
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Anonymous
The original question was about "executive" husbands and there is definitely a subset of families where the wife stays home not just for the kids but because the family can afford it and it makes things easier for everyone. I have zero interest in becoming one of those families. My husband has a JD from a top law school and had the choice of the biglaw or government route. If he had gone biglaw, I doubt I'd be working now---and I'd be resentful and unhappy about shouldering most of the parenting and most of the household stuff. He decided to go into government in part so he would have more time with the kids and in part because he knew how hard it would be for us both to work if one of us had that kind of career. (Not impossible, but hard.) |
Anonymous
| Sorry to burst your bubble-but most high paid people work hours like big law. Non c-level WOHP are very relevant to this thread. |
Anonymous
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I would hope that even if said spouse/parent is working crazy-ass hours, that he/she at the VERY least:
1) Spends time in a loving, supportive way with children every day that he/she is home 2) Does *something* practical (not just fun and squishy) to contribute to the operation of the household, so that the kids see that not all drudgery is the responsibility of the other parent 3) Treats the other parent with respect and support, so that children see everyone's contributions to the family are valued, and that by virtue of being a human being you are valued 4) Now and again, tell the child what it is you do, even take child to work so that his/her life out of the home isn't a mystery, rather an extension 5) Spends extended, quality time with the family for family vacations -- key to bonding and making memories that last |
Anonymous
But he didn't "outsource" their care. I don't consider a mother an "outsource"..... And he co parents with me, just less hours. What's the alternative- neither of us work? Or we truly outsource even though we don't need to income wise just to "fairly" not see our own kids? That's dumb. |
Anonymous
I think OP's issue had to do with #2. In my opinion, lack of #3 is the deal breaker - and at the very least puts a strain on the marriage. Even if both parents WOH, #3 is fundamental. |
Anonymous
Sorry, your argument is fundamentally sexist. |
Anonymous
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I think you just ran out of idiotic things to say after calling a parents care "outsourcing". Your argument (is it one? Or is it just an outright insult?!) demeaning the legitimate choice to primarily raise ones own young while they are in their pre-school years to the maid/personal assistant category is ..... What? Pro-woman?
Think again. |
Anonymous
I hear ya. The #2 practical thing can be very simple. For example, if the other parent has a rule that the children need to put their clothes in the hamper and tidy toys before bedtime, the crazyworking spouse who is putting one of the kids away needs to monitor and enforce that. This, to me, is a sign of respect for each person's individual and collective contribution to the household. Another example is if the other parent has folded the sofa throws and obviously tidied the living room, the crazyworking parent returns the room more or less to that order after snuggling on the sofa or using a glass and plate for a midnight snack. That sort of thing. It adds an element of domestic respect to the notion of "quality family time." |