other kids' cell phones at sleepovers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with a lot of what has been
posted here. If I send a child or teen to a sleepover with a phone it is for his/her use, and I want them to habe access to it without needing to ask or turn it on. I would be really put off if someone took something that belongs to my child.

This.
My 10 year old dd was at a sleepover at a good friends house for the first time, and texted me at 1am that she didn't feel comfortable there and wanted out of that house immediately. Luckily the issue wasn't as horrifying as it sounded, but when you get a text like that from your daughter, you're grateful that she has access to communicate with you without going through the parents.

I'm curious-- what was the issue?

A very high-maintenance, dramatic child ruined a birthday party my daughter was attending by getting up several times in the night to text, then call her parents and loudly complain about things that were total, unmitigated, bullshit plays for attention. The birthday girl was bummed, the hosts were annoyed, and the kids were exhausted. Before you say "don't invite a kid like that to your party," she was a friend of the birthday girl and although we all know she is quite high-drama, no one anticipated this.

If you really want your child to be able to reach you in an emergency, then leave your child with parents whom you trust to handle an emergency.

So let's say a parent/brother/uncle/etc did something inappropriate. You really think the kid is going to feel comfortable enough to ask to use the landline to call home...likely while a parent stands by and listens to the conversation?

So amazed by all of the molestation paranoia on this board (there's another thread on this). Here's the reality: it's far more likely to happen in your own home, with a relative who knows your child well, whom your child trusts, and who can guilt trip your child into believing she has to be "close" with the person. The "look at the statistics" crowd isn't looking at the statistics, which point to relatives as the most likely perpetrators.

If it did happen at another home, the person would most likely scare a child out of calling.

If you know the family well, that helps. If you find them creepy, that could be a problem.

Some of us refuse to live our lives based on fear of the worst-case scenario.

I personally permit them for sleepovers at my home though my child hasn't gotten one yet (she's about to for middle school). I tell the girls the phones have to be off at lights out. I don't confiscate them. The girls who sleep over are very independent-minded, enjoy our home, and trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry more about what the kids are posting online at parties. I have found that DD's friends (age 11) just have really poor judgement and very little understanding of online safety.

So fix that.
My ds is 11 and we have had plenty of conversations about what to post, what not to post, how to reply to others, how to ignore friend requests or messages from strangers. We have also had conversations about what is and is not appropriate for viewing and how you can't unsee something once you've seen it...and what to say to a friend if they're viewing or attempting to show something inappropriate. He knows that innocent searches can bring up unrelated images, and he will ask me to google something and find links for him if it's a topic that he's concerned about what may show up.

Instead of limiting access so much, teach your kid how to be responsible with technology. I'm not saying to turn a blind eye...definitely stay aware and involved, but limiting without teaching accomplishes nothing.

It doesn't matter that you have had tons of conversations. I have too with my DD. Kids that age just don't really get it. They just don't. And couple that with many of them having poor impulse control. Parents like you are a serious problem because you are so incredibly naive. I have found my DD with her friends doing incredibly stupid stuff and all involved had been told many times by parents, at school, etc.

Not the PP, but parents like you are the problem. A child who does "incredibly stupid stuff" with the technology, has poor impulse control, and keeps violating your technology use guidelines has no business having a smartphone until they can prove they are responsible enough to have one.

So true. So many parents assume that all kids are like theirs. They're not. Some kids are rule followers and would never dream of doing something they've been told not to, and others will do whatever they can get away with, and there is a whole spectrum in between. Know your kid, teach your kid, and make rules accordingly. And regardless of your kid and your rules, keep a watchful eye.

Yep! My two kids are worlds apart here. One is a rule follower, one tries to bend the rules as far as s/he can. And that's why, despite being years older, the rule bender doesn't have all the privileges as the rule follower.

[Anonymous]

All cell phones go in the bowl in our front entryway. My daughter is 13 and she often has kids for sleepovers, or movie nights. That has always been our rule for multiple reasons.

1. Safety. Girls post and do dumb things when in groups. I don't want my house to be THAT house
2. Girls have more fun in a relaxed setting where they are not trying to one up each other on their cell phones
3. They are used to groan when they first gave up their phone but they all still come and now happily give them up.
4. They watch movies, play board games, charades etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with a lot of what has been
posted here. If I send a child or teen to a sleepover with a phone it is for his/her use, and I want them to habe access to it without needing to ask or turn it on. I would be really put off if someone took something that belongs to my child.

This.
My 10 year old dd was at a sleepover at a good friends house for the first time, and texted me at 1am that she didn't feel comfortable there and wanted out of that house immediately. Luckily the issue wasn't as horrifying as it sounded, but when you get a text like that from your daughter, you're grateful that she has access to communicate with you without going through the parents.

I'm curious-- what was the issue?

A very high-maintenance, dramatic child ruined a birthday party my daughter was attending by getting up several times in the night to text, then call her parents and loudly complain about things that were total, unmitigated, bullshit plays for attention. The birthday girl was bummed, the hosts were annoyed, and the kids were exhausted. Before you say "don't invite a kid like that to your party," she was a friend of the birthday girl and although we all know she is quite high-drama, no one anticipated this.

If you really want your child to be able to reach you in an emergency, then leave your child with parents whom you trust to handle an emergency.

I'm not getting something -- what is it about this situation that required a 1 AM pickup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with a lot of what has been
posted here. If I send a child or teen to a sleepover with a phone it is for his/her use, and I want them to habe access to it without needing to ask or turn it on. I would be really put off if someone took something that belongs to my child.

This.
My 10 year old dd was at a sleepover at a good friends house for the first time, and texted me at 1am that she didn't feel comfortable there and wanted out of that house immediately. Luckily the issue wasn't as horrifying as it sounded, but when you get a text like that from your daughter, you're grateful that she has access to communicate with you without going through the parents.

I'm curious-- what was the issue?

A very high-maintenance, dramatic child ruined a birthday party my daughter was attending by getting up several times in the night to text, then call her parents and loudly complain about things that were total, unmitigated, bullshit plays for attention. The birthday girl was bummed, the hosts were annoyed, and the kids were exhausted. Before you say "don't invite a kid like that to your party," she was a friend of the birthday girl and although we all know she is quite high-drama, no one anticipated this.

If you really want your child to be able to reach you in an emergency, then leave your child with parents whom you trust to handle an emergency.

I'm not getting something -- what is it about this situation that required a 1 AM pickup?

This was another parent trying to say that the aforementioned freaked out kid must be an over dramatic loony.
See post 7:01

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with a lot of what has been
posted here. If I send a child or teen to a sleepover with a phone it is for his/her use, and I want them to habe access to it without needing to ask or turn it on. I would be really put off if someone took something that belongs to my child.

This.
My 10 year old dd was at a sleepover at a good friends house for the first time, and texted me at 1am that she didn't feel comfortable there and wanted out of that house immediately. Luckily the issue wasn't as horrifying as it sounded, but when you get a text like that from your daughter, you're grateful that she has access to communicate with you without going through the parents.

I'm curious-- what was the issue?

A very high-maintenance, dramatic child ruined a birthday party my daughter was attending by getting up several times in the night to text, then call her parents and loudly complain about things that were total, unmitigated, bullshit plays for attention. The birthday girl was bummed, the hosts were annoyed, and the kids were exhausted. Before you say "don't invite a kid like that to your party," she was a friend of the birthday girl and although we all know she is quite high-drama, no one anticipated this.

If you really want your child to be able to reach you in an emergency, then leave your child with parents whom you trust to handle an emergency.

So let's say a parent/brother/uncle/etc did something inappropriate. You really think the kid is going to feel comfortable enough to ask to use the landline to call home...likely while a parent stands by and listens to the conversation?

So amazed by all of the molestation paranoia on this board (there's another thread on this). Here's the reality: it's far more likely to happen in your own home, with a relative who knows your child well, whom your child trusts, and who can guilt trip your child into believing she has to be "close" with the person. The "look at the statistics" crowd isn't looking at the statistics, which point to relatives as the most likely perpetrators.

If it did happen at another home, the person would most likely scare a child out of calling.

If you know the family well, that helps. If you find them creepy, that could be a problem.

Some of us refuse to live our lives based on fear of the worst-case scenario.

I personally permit them for sleepovers at my home though my child hasn't gotten one yet (she's about to for middle school). I tell the girls the phones have to be off at lights out. I don't confiscate them. The girls who sleep over are very independent-minded, enjoy our home, and trust me.

I'm not taking chances. Well known family friends aren't immune from these issues. Rather than disallow sleepovers, I want to let my kid be a kid but still be able to contact me on her own terms. You might think that's crazy, but I think it's crazy to lock your kid up at home or to collect a bowl of cell phones at a party. To each his own.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/michael-gardner-ex-chief-of-falls-church-democrats-convicted-of-molesting-2-girls/2012/05/02/gIQANYFoxT_story.html

[Anonymous]

I took their phones after 11 pm.

[Anonymous]

Take their phones away after a set time, but if you insist on no phones then your kid will be friendless soon.

[Anonymous]

Suppose you state up front no phones/electronics past x time or only for emergency purposes -- what do you do in the case of an offense? Do you send the offender home? If your kid is the offender, do you send everyone else home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take their phones away after a set time, but if you insist on no phones then your kid will be friendless soon.

Taking phones away at all affects friendships. They'd all rather go to Suzy's house because Sally's mom takes everyone's phones away. It also affects friendships with parents who don't want you taking their child's property away.

[Anonymous]

I don't really think I have much right to take away another family's child's very expensive property that their parents most likely provided and expect them to keep available. Unless a someone were causing an actual problem with their behavior using their phone, it would never occur to me to confiscate phones. I also wouldn't be thrilled to find out another parent had done so to my kid. Our family has phones because we expect to be able to contact each other on them. My kids are instructed not to give their phones to anyone else in most circumstances; if they take their phone somewhere I generally expect (1) that they will have it and be able to answer if I contact them, and (2) that they will be accountable for it by knowing where it is, keeping it near them as appropriate to the activity, and keeping it charged. If it's in someone else's possession, such as a friend's parent, they can do neither as they won't be able to use it if needed nor have they retained positive control and accountability over the device.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think I have much right to take away another family's child's very expensive property that their parents most likely provided and expect them to keep available. Unless a someone were causing an actual problem with their behavior using their phone, it would never occur to me to confiscate phones. I also wouldn't be thrilled to find out another parent had done so to my kid. Our family has phones because we expect to be able to contact each other on them. My kids are instructed not to give their phones to anyone else in most circumstances; if they take their phone somewhere I generally expect (1) that they will have it and be able to answer if I contact them, and (2) that they will be accountable for it by knowing where it is, keeping it near them as appropriate to the activity, and keeping it charged. If it's in someone else's possession, such as a friend's parent, they can do neither as they won't be able to use it if needed nor have they retained positive control and accountability over the device.

You expect your kid to have their phone in the bedroom during sleeping hours?

[Anonymous]

This thread is absurd. I am SO thankful I didn't grow up with any of you freak paranoia moms. You are depriving your kids of a normal chinois and it is really really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think I have much right to take away another family's child's very expensive property that their parents most likely provided and expect them to keep available. Unless a someone were causing an actual problem with their behavior using their phone, it would never occur to me to confiscate phones. I also wouldn't be thrilled to find out another parent had done so to my kid. Our family has phones because we expect to be able to contact each other on them. My kids are instructed not to give their phones to anyone else in most circumstances; if they take their phone somewhere I generally expect (1) that they will have it and be able to answer if I contact them, and (2) that they will be accountable for it by knowing where it is, keeping it near them as appropriate to the activity, and keeping it charged. If it's in someone else's possession, such as a friend's parent, they can do neither as they won't be able to use it if needed nor have they retained positive control and accountability over the device.

You expect your kid to have their phone in the bedroom during sleeping hours?

Of course. Why wouldn't I if they're outside the home? A phone is a contact device. What good does it do if it cannot fulfill its intended function because the owner is too far away to answer it in a timely manner, or potentially doesn't even hear it go off? If they're not going to be able to answer the phone or use it fairly immediately when they have a situation where they need it, they may as well not have it. If DH or I are not at home and are somewhere where phones are allowed, we also keep ours within easy retrieval distance whenever practical, which, yes, includes sleeping hours unless there are extenuating circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who believes their child needs a smartphone is a GD idiot.