other kids' cell phones at sleepovers

[Anonymous]

How did we all survive sleepovers before cellphones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS went to a sleepover and one kid (who is a jackass and needs more supervision) showed them "two girls, one cup" one his phone. So, yeah. DS was pretty traumatized by the whole situation.

We've taken phones away at sleepovers, but have then had parents tell us they want their child to keep their phone on them. Can't win.

You do realize they can watch "two girls, one cup" during the day?

Kids are going to see inappropriate stuff, you just have to keep the communication lines open. Your child obviously told you, that is good.

[Anonymous]

I have younger kids so reading here to educate myself what may be ahead. Honestly, with all this drama surrounding sleepovers and with the parents so on edge with their kids at sleepovers why even bother?

[Anonymous]

Girls at a sleepover making a video (DD and one of her friends made a friendship bracelet instructional video at their last sleepover). Someone else's child listening to music to fall asleep. Someone else's child has access to a cell phone to call or text her parents. Unless the cell phone is being misused (say, to watch porn) I don't see the problem. And my DCs have less access to electronics With greater restrictions than their friends. But it won't hurt them to have a friend's phone in their bedroom for one night (again, no porn!!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did we all survive sleepovers before cellphones?

We survived just fine. But, cell phones hadn't been invented yet (at least not when I was a kid!) Now we have cell phones. Kids have them. SO we need to deal with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 12.5 yr old has an iPhone. I'm all for you telling her no phone use past 10pm or whatever. When she's not 100% comfortable at a sleepover (not liking the kid much, having a weird mix of girls there that aren't all pure friends) she sometimes is comforted by texting me good night and then texts me the second she wakes up as a polite way of saying "Don't forget to come pick me up!".

I'm 14:22, and this is exactly the sort of reason my kids have a phone and I want them to have access to it... I'm not massively worried about actual physical safety or you're right they wouldn't be going, but I want them to feel able to proactively manage their comfort and safety, which to me includes having a way of contacting home easily if they're feeling a bit uncomfortable with something. That doesn't seem terribly unreasonable to me, especially as the kids get older and sometimes plans change or situations go unexpected ways. I'd rather they feel confident they have information at their fingertips and an exit strategy if needed. It makes both the kids and us parents feel comfortable giving them a lot more freedom.

Oh my. How did we all survive as kids having sleepovers without cell phones. Your kids can survive without cell phones, what message are you sending that they can't be okay without a working cell phone by their side at all times?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not massively worried about actual physical safety or you're right they wouldn't be going, but I want them to feel able to proactively manage their comfort and safety, which to me includes having a way of contacting home easily if they're feeling a bit uncomfortable with something. That doesn't seem terribly unreasonable to me, especially as the kids get older and sometimes plans change or situations go unexpected ways. I'd rather they feel confident they have information at their fingertips and an exit strategy if needed. It makes both the kids and us parents feel comfortable giving them a lot more freedom.

You are really hovering if you want them to be able to contact you--without talking to another adult--if they are "a bit uncomfortable." Learning to manage a bit of discomfort is an important part of growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did we all survive sleepovers before cellphones?

We survived just fine. But, cell phones hadn't been invented yet (at least not when I was a kid!) Now we have cell phones. Kids have them. SO we need to deal with them.

Do why not deal with them by taking them away at a reasonable hour?

Maybe parents who are unwilling to let their kids be separated from their phones should be the ones to announce their policies in advance so that the host can decide whether or not to rescind the invitation.

[Anonymous]

I worry more about what the kids are posting online at parties. I have found that DD's friends (age 11) just have really poor judgement and very little understanding of online safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry more about what the kids are posting online at parties. I have found that DD's friends (age 11) just have really poor judgement and very little understanding of online safety.

So fix that.
My ds is 11 and we have had plenty of conversations about what to post, what not to post, how to reply to others, how to ignore friend requests or messages from strangers. We have also had conversations about what is and is not appropriate for viewing and how you can't unsee something once you've seen it...and what to say to a friend if they're viewing or attempting to show something inappropriate. He knows that innocent searches can bring up unrelated images, and he will ask me to google something and find links for him if it's a topic that he's concerned about what may show up.

Instead of limiting access so much, teach your kid how to be responsible with technology. I'm not saying to turn a blind eye...definitely stay aware and involved, but limiting without teaching accomplishes nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry more about what the kids are posting online at parties. I have found that DD's friends (age 11) just have really poor judgement and very little understanding of online safety.

This is why you talk to DD a lot about appropriate online behavior-- a lot. Why you educate and communicate (and monitor)-- a lot. If your DD has friends posting online inappropriately, this is an ongoing issue that you, as a parent, need to be on top of. You can't solve it by taking away cellphones at midnight at a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry more about what the kids are posting online at parties. I have found that DD's friends (age 11) just have really poor judgement and very little understanding of online safety.

So fix that.
My ds is 11 and we have had plenty of conversations about what to post, what not to post, how to reply to others, how to ignore friend requests or messages from strangers. We have also had conversations about what is and is not appropriate for viewing and how you can't unsee something once you've seen it...and what to say to a friend if they're viewing or attempting to show something inappropriate. He knows that innocent searches can bring up unrelated images, and he will ask me to google something and find links for him if it's a topic that he's concerned about what may show up.

Instead of limiting access so much, teach your kid how to be responsible with technology. I'm not saying to turn a blind eye...definitely stay aware and involved, but limiting without teaching accomplishes nothing.

It doesn't matter that you have had tons of conversations. I have too with my DD. Kids that age just don't really get it. They just don't. And couple that with many of them having poor impulse control. Parents like you are a serious problem because you are so incredibly naive. I have found my DD with her friends doing incredibly stupid stuff and all involved had been told many times by parents, at school, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry more about what the kids are posting online at parties. I have found that DD's friends (age 11) just have really poor judgement and very little understanding of online safety.

This is why you talk to DD a lot about appropriate online behavior-- a lot. Why you educate and communicate (and monitor)-- a lot. If your DD has friends posting online inappropriately, this is an ongoing issue that you, as a parent, need to be on top of. You can't solve it by taking away cellphones at midnight at a party.

Guess what? I don't want to check an 11 yr old girls Instagram at midnight because first off, I think following an 11 yr old kid on social media is a bit creepy and second, I am sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did we all survive sleepovers before cellphones?

We survived just fine. But, cell phones hadn't been invented yet (at least not when I was a kid!) Now we have cell phones. Kids have them. SO we need to deal with them.

Do why not deal with them by taking them away at a reasonable hour?

Maybe parents who are unwilling to let their kids be separated from their phones should be the ones to announce their policies in advance so that the host can decide whether or not to rescind the invitation.

I actually don't send a phone with my tweenager in most cases. And my DC is not a text rather than talk, play Candy Crush at 2 am type of kid. But if for some reason I did send her with a cellphone, I would have a reason. In our case, it would probably be because my DC can get anxious and the cell phone helps her feel safe in a new situation. It would be huge red flag if another parent took it away from her. I would feel like I, as her parent, had made a call to send it. That in this situation, having access to a phone was the right call for my DC. If she isn't being disruptive or inappropriate with the cellphone, it isn't the place of another parent to take it away. If she is being disruptive or inappropriate, I would want to be told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry more about what the kids are posting online at parties. I have found that DD's friends (age 11) just have really poor judgement and very little understanding of online safety.

So fix that.
My ds is 11 and we have had plenty of conversations about what to post, what not to post, how to reply to others, how to ignore friend requests or messages from strangers. We have also had conversations about what is and is not appropriate for viewing and how you can't unsee something once you've seen it...and what to say to a friend if they're viewing or attempting to show something inappropriate. He knows that innocent searches can bring up unrelated images, and he will ask me to google something and find links for him if it's a topic that he's concerned about what may show up.

Instead of limiting access so much, teach your kid how to be responsible with technology. I'm not saying to turn a blind eye...definitely stay aware and involved, but limiting without teaching accomplishes nothing.

It doesn't matter that you have had tons of conversations. I have too with my DD. Kids that age just don't really get it. They just don't. And couple that with many of them having poor impulse control. Parents like you are a serious problem because you are so incredibly naive. I have found my DD with her friends doing incredibly stupid stuff and all involved had been told many times by parents, at school, etc.

Not the PP, but parents like you are the problem. A child who does "incredibly stupid stuff" with the technology, has poor impulse control, and keeps violating your technology use guidelines has no business having a smartphone until they can prove they are responsible enough to have one.