My husband just admitted...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh. My. God. I literally cannot believe some of the crazy shit people here are posting. Of course you have a right to be skeeved out, pissed off, hurt, etc. And thankfully you have a week to try to process without him around in your face. And it will likely be uncomfortable for a little while. But at the end of the day, if you have a good marriage, why on earth would you let this ruin it? You didn't mention your marriage/family life otherwise being in a terrible state, so I'm going to presume that's not the case.

First, some facts. Massages in hotel rooms, under normal circumstances, aren't skeevy. I'm a female and I travel frequently for work and for pleasure. I love massages--legit massages. I get them in hotels all the time, particularly in places I don't know well. It feels safer to have my hotel provide someone who they have pre-approved than for me to go heading out by myself. My husband does the same when he travels and we've also done this together. Happily, as far as I know, neither he nor I have ever had anything inappropriate offered. But I've heard of it happening. He was traveling alone--in some places, as someone else posted, these girls and their handlers look for that and mark him as a target. In fact, I've heard from 3 male colleagues of mine that this has happened to them--in large cities and abroad. The whole "you think you're getting a regular massage and for 45 minutes it is and then SURPRISE!" You have posted not a single thing that would make me suspect that he went looking for it. I know you said he doesn't frequently get massages, but men often just go with the flow. Someone probably approached or offered and he was like "ok, why not." He wouldn't have gone looking for a massage, but that doesn't mean it is suspicious that he said yes to one that was offered at his hotel.


ok. As for the deed itself. Sure, it would have been better if he had jumped up from the table and shoved her out of the room. I'm guessing most people wouldn't though and my 3 male colleagues all just went with it. At first I was surprised by this but the whole situation is just... weird. Can you imagine? It's a combination of total embarrassment, fear, confusion, etc. He's lying there thinking "oh god, did I accidentally order this? is this what they do here? how do I stop her?" and at the same time, let's face it, he's relaxed and feeling good and she's been rubbing his whole naked body anyway. It's just a few more inches of him. And before his mind can figure out what to do about it, it's over.

The fact that he called you drunk and confessed doesn't seem suspicious to me. He sounds like a normal guy who got surprised by something and got drunk to process the weirdness. And then he called the wife he loves and respects because he didn't want to keep a secret from you. While I would be grossed out and would cry for the next 3 days about it, I hope I'd be sane enough to recognize that my husband made a huge judgment error and then confessed. And that none of us is perfect but he doesn't deserve to be thrown away for this. He just doesn't. And that doesn't mean it's ok. But it doesn't mean he's a cheater. And I'm guessing he will never, ever, ever, get a massage again.

^^ this. Better put that I could have done. My DH got a massage through the hotel at the Four Seasons in Uzbekistan. A very high end hotel. It was offered upon check in and at a much cheaper rate than one in the states. While (I'm pretty sure that) he didn't get a happy ending, she did rub him in more places than a U.S. masseuse ever would have (all over the butt, etc). Also I'm pretty sure that if he'd been amenable he could have gotten more. I think he was just shocked and embarrassed. So I see how it could get out of hand.

The Four Seasons in Uzbekistan. That's hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two things:

I can't believe how inconsiderate this guy was to confess. He got a hand job, the chances of getting an STD that way are zero. He needed to live with his guilt and move on, and not torture his wife with this.

I can't believe how many people see this as THAT big of a deal. Its a handjob. During a massage, they rub you everywhere, so she gave him extra. Not saying I would be happy with DH getting a handjob, but I would put it in perspective of the whole marriage. If he was a habitual cheater, that's one thing. If he was curious as to what a happy ending was and gave it once, he is human.

Yep. +1

Awesome. Next time I get a massage I'm going to let my masseuse rub my clit for a bit. Not t worry, DH had no right to be mad!

Why is it so hard for people to understand that not everybody has the same fucking views on life as everybody else?

Hey Moron. It doesn't matter what everybody else thinks, it matters what she thinks or in the case of anyone married, what the other partner thinks. My point is that any DH that says he is Ok if a massage therapist rubs his wife's clit to orgasm is OK, is simply full of it. duh.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I just wrote him and said I'm not OK with him getting any more massages on his trip. I don't want to be a puppeteer, but I also don't want to drive him into another bad choice. He called me at work today desperate to talk about it, and sent emails that I'm not ready to answer... not trying to torture him but I just need time to figure this out and how I feel and how best to react. Not there yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I just wrote him and said I'm not OK with him getting any more massages on his trip. I don't want to be a puppeteer, but I also don't want to drive him into another bad choice. He called me at work today desperate to talk about it, and sent emails that I'm not ready to answer... not trying to torture him but I just need time to figure this out and how I feel and how best to react. Not there yet.

I'm the pp who stated you needed to let him know where you stood on this. As the other poster said you're not a puppeteer he's in charge of his own choices but at least you're being clear on whether or not this is OK with you and not under reacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I just wrote him and said I'm not OK with him getting any more massages on his trip. I don't want to be a puppeteer, but I also don't want to drive him into another bad choice. He called me at work today desperate to talk about it, and sent emails that I'm not ready to answer... not trying to torture him but I just need time to figure this out and how I feel and how best to react. Not there yet.

CB6000 + post-nup. For one year he doesn't travel without wearing it. Any tinkering with the lock, etc., while traveling and you file for divorce, getting everything on a silver little platter.

[Anonymous]

Just googled CB6000, looks awesome. They should have those for men instead of wedding rings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's lying. He asked for it and paid extra for that old fashioned. He could do it himself for free.

x2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's more to confess. This is one of those initial confessions like admitting you tasted some cookie batter when, in reality, you ate a cookie. He led off with this to see your reaction. Good luck with this loser.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Other than this admission, I have no evidence, and I likely never will have any due to his overseas travels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two things:

I can't believe how inconsiderate this guy was to confess. He got a hand job, the chances of getting an STD that way are zero. He needed to live with his guilt and move on, and not torture his wife with this.

I can't believe how many people see this as THAT big of a deal. Its a handjob. During a massage, they rub you everywhere, so she gave him extra. Not saying I would be happy with DH getting a handjob, but I would put it in perspective of the whole marriage. If he was a habitual cheater, that's one thing. If he was curious as to what a happy ending was and gave it once, he is human.

Yep. +1

Awesome. Next time I get a massage I'm going to let my masseuse rub my clit for a bit. Not t worry, DH had no right to be mad!

Why is it so hard for people to understand that not everybody has the same fucking views on life as everybody else?

Hey Moron. It doesn't matter what everybody else thinks, it matters what she thinks or in the case of anyone married, what the other partner thinks. My point is that any DH that says he is Ok if a massage therapist rubs his wife's clit to orgasm is OK, is simply full of it. duh.

Agreed. But it seems you mentioning the masseuse massaging your clit hit home for some people.

Some seem to labor under the misapprehension that male sexuality is soooo different from female sexuality, and there are different rules for both.

Um, no. If you dont want some strange dude fingering your wife, then dont let a masseuse give you a rub and tug. Fairly simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other than this admission, I have no evidence, and I likely never will have any due to his overseas travels.

He sent you emails about it, right? Those are totally admissible in court.

If you are smart you will be sure to back all those emails up and try to get him to be explicit in talking about what happened between them. If not for now, for later on in your life (even if it's just as a "just in case")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh. My. God. I literally cannot believe some of the crazy shit people here are posting. Of course you have a right to be skeeved out, pissed off, hurt, etc. And thankfully you have a week to try to process without him around in your face. And it will likely be uncomfortable for a little while. But at the end of the day, if you have a good marriage, why on earth would you let this ruin it? You didn't mention your marriage/family life otherwise being in a terrible state, so I'm going to presume that's not the case.

First, some facts. Massages in hotel rooms, under normal circumstances, aren't skeevy. I'm a female and I travel frequently for work and for pleasure. I love massages--legit massages. I get them in hotels all the time, particularly in places I don't know well. It feels safer to have my hotel provide someone who they have pre-approved than for me to go heading out by myself. My husband does the same when he travels and we've also done this together. Happily, as far as I know, neither he nor I have ever had anything inappropriate offered. But I've heard of it happening. He was traveling alone--in some places, as someone else posted, these girls and their handlers look for that and mark him as a target. In fact, I've heard from 3 male colleagues of mine that this has happened to them--in large cities and abroad. The whole "you think you're getting a regular massage and for 45 minutes it is and then SURPRISE!" You have posted not a single thing that would make me suspect that he went looking for it. I know you said he doesn't frequently get massages, but men often just go with the flow. Someone probably approached or offered and he was like "ok, why not." He wouldn't have gone looking for a massage, but that doesn't mean it is suspicious that he said yes to one that was offered at his hotel.


ok. As for the deed itself. Sure, it would have been better if he had jumped up from the table and shoved her out of the room. I'm guessing most people wouldn't though and my 3 male colleagues all just went with it. At first I was surprised by this but the whole situation is just... weird. Can you imagine? It's a combination of total embarrassment, fear, confusion, etc. He's lying there thinking "oh god, did I accidentally order this? is this what they do here? how do I stop her?" and at the same time, let's face it, he's relaxed and feeling good and she's been rubbing his whole naked body anyway. It's just a few more inches of him. And before his mind can figure out what to do about it, it's over.

The fact that he called you drunk and confessed doesn't seem suspicious to me. He sounds like a normal guy who got surprised by something and got drunk to process the weirdness. And then he called the wife he loves and respects because he didn't want to keep a secret from you. While I would be grossed out and would cry for the next 3 days about it, I hope I'd be sane enough to recognize that my husband made a huge judgment error and then confessed. And that none of us is perfect but he doesn't deserve to be thrown away for this. He just doesn't. And that doesn't mean it's ok. But it doesn't mean he's a cheater. And I'm guessing he will never, ever, ever, get a massage again.

^^ this. Better put that I could have done. My DH got a massage through the hotel at the Four Seasons in Uzbekistan. A very high end hotel. It was offered upon check in and at a much cheaper rate than one in the states. While (I'm pretty sure that) he didn't get a happy ending, she did rub him in more places than a U.S. masseuse ever would have (all over the butt, etc). Also I'm pretty sure that if he'd been amenable he could have gotten more. I think he was just shocked and embarrassed. So I see how it could get out of hand.

My masseuse in Columbia massages my "butt". Or should I say my glutes. And I'm a woman. So they do this here in the US... I wouldn't have been comfortable on day 1, but I'm a runner, and my IT bands, hamstrings and glutes get really tight, and they will absolutely work on those areas, and it's really not a sexual thing.

[Anonymous]

There's a very long thread on one of the DCUM boards about happy ending massages for women, and in that thread most woman don't seem to think it's cheating. More like stress relief. Now, I don't necessarily agree with that but it does seem like a bit of a double standard that women who orgasm of the table are just getting a bit of stress relief while the men are cheating bastards.

For me personally I don't approve of either. For the OP...hard to say. I'm not sure I'd listen to those who are shouting that obviously he has done more. Not sure why he'd confess to anything at all if that was the case. I'd be inclined to take his word that this was an isolated incident that he genuinely regrets...unless there is some other reason to suspect otherwise.

Was he travelling alone or with other men? Could he have been pressured by the others? That's not an excuse, but might better explain how he found himself in a situation that he might not have pursued on his own.

[Anonymous]

Man here. Gotta say I have had a lot of massages, in the US and abroad, and no masseuse has ever gotten close to my genitals. One woman did treat my "glutes" as an extension of my lower back muscles (and it was great), but using her forearms, not fingers. There are certain countries that come to mind, and certain types of massage parlors, where the women may assume that any man that goes there expects a happy ending, so I could create a circumstance where the woman initiated it. But DH could have put an end to it very quickly. I can tell you that if I were getting a massage, and the woman starting rubbing my manhood, I would probably jump out of my skin. But to be honest I could also see just "going with it", but I would NEVER tell my DW.

[Anonymous]

This all seems like much ado about nothing.