My husband just admitted...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lady here. What if I let a masseuse finger me? Is that the same as this guy? If it's not a big deal for a happy ending handjob, then what about for a woman?

I wouldn't care at all if my DW got fingered. Zero. If she was texting with the masseuse after getting fingered and meeting him for wine, different story.

[Anonymous]

I travel abroad a lot. He could have ended up in the situation unknowingly. For example, in China the barber shops with good looking women working there are actually fronts for prostitution, but I wouldn't have known that unless someone had told me... and just gone in for a haircut.

If he's staying at a business hotel, I can see him being offered a massage or asking for one, and the person handling assuming it would be in the room as it's not uncommon at high-end hotels abroad that cater to businessmen. As for happy ending, that's probably a given and they will do more if you pay them extra and ask for it.

At the same time, I have a friend who is a masseuse and works abroad, and she does massages in-room but never provides a happy ending (she has no incentive to lie to me) so there are legit massages out there also.

[Anonymous]

He is a fool to have told you, but you can make it your new weapon, guilt tripping him into things you want him to do. Honestly, it's no big deal. He probably isn't very experienced if it's such an adventure for him!
Ps I am a woman and if my H told me I would just laugh and say I was happy he had a great time. It's not like he shagged someone, spending tons of money and bringing home an Std. Just a little fun in his boring life

[Anonymous]

It's not a big deal, and his telling you right afterwards shows him to be a stand up guy. Boys will be boys but it sounds like you have a good husband.

[Anonymous]

Just try to get better at it than she was.

[Anonymous]

Ashley Madison was hacked and they may release the names of the married cheaters. Anyone think her DH might be on the list?

[Anonymous]

Why do men do this: tell their wives? It is not the "wandering" tendency that bothers me, but the telling of the tale to ease a guilty conscience. To me this would be the more disturbing aspect and a true sign of weakness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do men do this: tell their wives? It is not the "wandering" tendency that bothers me, but the telling of the tale to ease a guilty conscience. To me this would be the more disturbing aspect and a true sign of weakness.

Plus any easing of the guilty conscience is more than canceled out by the fact that most wives will use this story as a bludgeon for years.

[Anonymous]

At least he's not gay or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's more to confess. This is one of those initial confessions like admitting you tasted some cookie batter when, in reality, you ate a cookie. He led off with this to see your reaction. Good luck with this loser.

That was my read, too. He's testing the waters.

[Anonymous]

Oh. My. God. I literally cannot believe some of the crazy shit people here are posting. Of course you have a right to be skeeved out, pissed off, hurt, etc. And thankfully you have a week to try to process without him around in your face. And it will likely be uncomfortable for a little while. But at the end of the day, if you have a good marriage, why on earth would you let this ruin it? You didn't mention your marriage/family life otherwise being in a terrible state, so I'm going to presume that's not the case.

First, some facts. Massages in hotel rooms, under normal circumstances, aren't skeevy. I'm a female and I travel frequently for work and for pleasure. I love massages--legit massages. I get them in hotels all the time, particularly in places I don't know well. It feels safer to have my hotel provide someone who they have pre-approved than for me to go heading out by myself. My husband does the same when he travels and we've also done this together. Happily, as far as I know, neither he nor I have ever had anything inappropriate offered. But I've heard of it happening. He was traveling alone--in some places, as someone else posted, these girls and their handlers look for that and mark him as a target. In fact, I've heard from 3 male colleagues of mine that this has happened to them--in large cities and abroad. The whole "you think you're getting a regular massage and for 45 minutes it is and then SURPRISE!" You have posted not a single thing that would make me suspect that he went looking for it. I know you said he doesn't frequently get massages, but men often just go with the flow. Someone probably approached or offered and he was like "ok, why not." He wouldn't have gone looking for a massage, but that doesn't mean it is suspicious that he said yes to one that was offered at his hotel.


ok. As for the deed itself. Sure, it would have been better if he had jumped up from the table and shoved her out of the room. I'm guessing most people wouldn't though and my 3 male colleagues all just went with it. At first I was surprised by this but the whole situation is just... weird. Can you imagine? It's a combination of total embarrassment, fear, confusion, etc. He's lying there thinking "oh god, did I accidentally order this? is this what they do here? how do I stop her?" and at the same time, let's face it, he's relaxed and feeling good and she's been rubbing his whole naked body anyway. It's just a few more inches of him. And before his mind can figure out what to do about it, it's over.

The fact that he called you drunk and confessed doesn't seem suspicious to me. He sounds like a normal guy who got surprised by something and got drunk to process the weirdness. And then he called the wife he loves and respects because he didn't want to keep a secret from you. While I would be grossed out and would cry for the next 3 days about it, I hope I'd be sane enough to recognize that my husband made a huge judgment error and then confessed. And that none of us is perfect but he doesn't deserve to be thrown away for this. He just doesn't. And that doesn't mean it's ok. But it doesn't mean he's a cheater. And I'm guessing he will never, ever, ever, get a massage again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh. My. God. I literally cannot believe some of the crazy shit people here are posting. Of course you have a right to be skeeved out, pissed off, hurt, etc. And thankfully you have a week to try to process without him around in your face. And it will likely be uncomfortable for a little while. But at the end of the day, if you have a good marriage, why on earth would you let this ruin it? You didn't mention your marriage/family life otherwise being in a terrible state, so I'm going to presume that's not the case.

First, some facts. Massages in hotel rooms, under normal circumstances, aren't skeevy. I'm a female and I travel frequently for work and for pleasure. I love massages--legit massages. I get them in hotels all the time, particularly in places I don't know well. It feels safer to have my hotel provide someone who they have pre-approved than for me to go heading out by myself. My husband does the same when he travels and we've also done this together. Happily, as far as I know, neither he nor I have ever had anything inappropriate offered. But I've heard of it happening. He was traveling alone--in some places, as someone else posted, these girls and their handlers look for that and mark him as a target. In fact, I've heard from 3 male colleagues of mine that this has happened to them--in large cities and abroad. The whole "you think you're getting a regular massage and for 45 minutes it is and then SURPRISE!" You have posted not a single thing that would make me suspect that he went looking for it. I know you said he doesn't frequently get massages, but men often just go with the flow. Someone probably approached or offered and he was like "ok, why not." He wouldn't have gone looking for a massage, but that doesn't mean it is suspicious that he said yes to one that was offered at his hotel.


ok. As for the deed itself. Sure, it would have been better if he had jumped up from the table and shoved her out of the room. I'm guessing most people wouldn't though and my 3 male colleagues all just went with it. At first I was surprised by this but the whole situation is just... weird. Can you imagine? It's a combination of total embarrassment, fear, confusion, etc. He's lying there thinking "oh god, did I accidentally order this? is this what they do here? how do I stop her?" and at the same time, let's face it, he's relaxed and feeling good and she's been rubbing his whole naked body anyway. It's just a few more inches of him. And before his mind can figure out what to do about it, it's over.

The fact that he called you drunk and confessed doesn't seem suspicious to me. He sounds like a normal guy who got surprised by something and got drunk to process the weirdness. And then he called the wife he loves and respects because he didn't want to keep a secret from you. While I would be grossed out and would cry for the next 3 days about it, I hope I'd be sane enough to recognize that my husband made a huge judgment error and then confessed. And that none of us is perfect but he doesn't deserve to be thrown away for this. He just doesn't. And that doesn't mean it's ok. But it doesn't mean he's a cheater. And I'm guessing he will never, ever, ever, get a massage again.

^^ this. Better put that I could have done. My DH got a massage through the hotel at the Four Seasons in Uzbekistan. A very high end hotel. It was offered upon check in and at a much cheaper rate than one in the states. While (I'm pretty sure that) he didn't get a happy ending, she did rub him in more places than a U.S. masseuse ever would have (all over the butt, etc). Also I'm pretty sure that if he'd been amenable he could have gotten more. I think he was just shocked and embarrassed. So I see how it could get out of hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lady here. What if I let a masseuse finger me? Is that the same as this guy? If it's not a big deal for a happy ending handjob, then what about for a woman?

If it's a woman doing it, fine. If it's a man, no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just would not be mad about this. At all.

Pathetic.

Why is it pathetic? I also wouldn't be that mad. A woman is already rubbing all over him, what difference does a handjob make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's lying. He asked for it and paid extra for that old fashioned. He could do it himself for free.

LOLno on that last part. The number of handjob-giving masseuses who'd be willing to go beyond a handjob is pretty tiny -- that's probably all that happened. But yes, he probably asked for it.