Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

It is curious that when its "her" money its her money, however, if the man works the woman feels she has the right to 50%.... well fair is fair... your earnings are community property. That means your husband has the right to 50% of everything you earn. He can spend it how he wants to. If he wants to spend half your family earning on his parents you really have say in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, the HHI would give a good idea of whether or not helping them is a reasonable request.

Based on the fact you won't give the HHI, I'm going to assume it is sizable.

If you are making under $100K, no, there's no way you can support them if you living in the DC metro.

If, your household income is over $250K, then yes, you should be able to manage some sort of monthly allowance.

Another suggestion would be for them to sell all of the current property they own and move to a condo where they would not need to do to outside maintenance and, depending on where you buy, it might be better for you and your husband to buy the condo and put it in your name. You could cover the HOA fees and they would essentially not have rent.

Could they live on the social security benefits if they drastically cut their living expenses?

There's too many unknown factors in what you've provided to be able to give any practical advice.

While I get you think you shouldn't have to pay anything, I'm not sure this viewpoint is going to get you far in your relationship with your husband.

OP here - Should I buy them a palace and some butlers too? Maybe I should quit my job to wait on them hand and foot. Thanks for posting, but this is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, the HHI would give a good idea of whether or not helping them is a reasonable request.

Based on the fact you won't give the HHI, I'm going to assume it is sizable.

If you are making under $100K, no, there's no way you can support them if you living in the DC metro.

If, your household income is over $250K, then yes, you should be able to manage some sort of monthly allowance.

Another suggestion would be for them to sell all of the current property they own and move to a condo where they would not need to do to outside maintenance and, depending on where you buy, it might be better for you and your husband to buy the condo and put it in your name. You could cover the HOA fees and they would essentially not have rent.

Could they live on the social security benefits if they drastically cut their living expenses?

There's too many unknown factors in what you've provided to be able to give any practical advice.

While I get you think you shouldn't have to pay anything, I'm not sure this viewpoint is going to get you far in your relationship with your husband.

And you determined this how?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, the HHI would give a good idea of whether or not helping them is a reasonable request.

Based on the fact you won't give the HHI, I'm going to assume it is sizable.

If you are making under $100K, no, there's no way you can support them if you living in the DC metro.

If, your household income is over $250K, then yes, you should be able to manage some sort of monthly allowance.

Another suggestion would be for them to sell all of the current property they own and move to a condo where they would not need to do to outside maintenance and, depending on where you buy, it might be better for you and your husband to buy the condo and put it in your name. You could cover the HOA fees and they would essentially not have rent.

Could they live on the social security benefits if they drastically cut their living expenses?

There's too many unknown factors in what you've provided to be able to give any practical advice.

While I get you think you shouldn't have to pay anything, I'm not sure this viewpoint is going to get you far in your relationship with your husband.

OP here - Should I buy them a palace and some butlers too? Maybe I should quit my job to wait on them hand and foot. Thanks for posting, but this is ridiculous.

You can buy an inexpensive condo depending on where it's located. Again, there's not enough info to provide helpful info.

I'm going to have say that the more you respond the more obvious it is you are a bitter person with not much generosity of spirit.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know what you are going to decide here but I admire your backbone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I should explain that I am 100% sure he's going to ask. DH and I have had this conversation before his father became ill. I told him how I felt about his parents selfish behavior and he told me that he would feel obligated to help them, but that there was no reason for us to resolve things at that time. Well, the time is here now.

Well, it's good that you know where he stands.

Divorce will not be better financially, and it will be much, much worse for your kids. So you and DH need to work out a plan as best you can. I think a counselor would really help you.

Perfectly put. I think a big way you could help would be to help them to downsize as quickly as possible and perhaps a 1 time gift connected with that downsize. But also agree that it should be something you can pay yourself and not money they will have to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, the HHI would give a good idea of whether or not helping them is a reasonable request.

Based on the fact you won't give the HHI, I'm going to assume it is sizable.

If you are making under $100K, no, there's no way you can support them if you living in the DC metro.

If, your household income is over $250K, then yes, you should be able to manage some sort of monthly allowance.

Another suggestion would be for them to sell all of the current property they own and move to a condo where they would not need to do to outside maintenance and, depending on where you buy, it might be better for you and your husband to buy the condo and put it in your name. You could cover the HOA fees and they would essentially not have rent.

Could they live on the social security benefits if they drastically cut their living expenses?

There's too many unknown factors in what you've provided to be able to give any practical advice.

While I get you think you shouldn't have to pay anything, I'm not sure this viewpoint is going to get you far in your relationship with your husband.

OP here - Should I buy them a palace and some butlers too? Maybe I should quit my job to wait on them hand and foot. Thanks for posting, but this is ridiculous.

You can buy an inexpensive condo depending on where it's located. Again, there's not enough info to provide helpful info.

I'm going to have say that the more you respond the more obvious it is you are a bitter person with not much generosity of spirit.

Good luck.

OP here - Ah, another lifelong mooch. The way you expertly allocated my income to all sorts of allowances for my in laws tells me you have practice at earmarking others' funds. No doubt you think the hardworking people of the world are just awful when we don't let your ilk reach into our pocketbooks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, the HHI would give a good idea of whether or not helping them is a reasonable request.

Based on the fact you won't give the HHI, I'm going to assume it is sizable.

If you are making under $100K, no, there's no way you can support them if you living in the DC metro.

If, your household income is over $250K, then yes, you should be able to manage some sort of monthly allowance.

Another suggestion would be for them to sell all of the current property they own and move to a condo where they would not need to do to outside maintenance and, depending on where you buy, it might be better for you and your husband to buy the condo and put it in your name. You could cover the HOA fees and they would essentially not have rent.

Could they live on the social security benefits if they drastically cut their living expenses?

There's too many unknown factors in what you've provided to be able to give any practical advice.

While I get you think you shouldn't have to pay anything, I'm not sure this viewpoint is going to get you far in your relationship with your husband.

OP here - Should I buy them a palace and some butlers too? Maybe I should quit my job to wait on them hand and foot. Thanks for posting, but this is ridiculous.

You can buy an inexpensive condo depending on where it's located. Again, there's not enough info to provide helpful info.

I'm going to have say that the more you respond the more obvious it is you are a bitter person with not much generosity of spirit.

Good luck.

I agree. GL OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, the HHI would give a good idea of whether or not helping them is a reasonable request.

Based on the fact you won't give the HHI, I'm going to assume it is sizable.

If you are making under $100K, no, there's no way you can support them if you living in the DC metro.

If, your household income is over $250K, then yes, you should be able to manage some sort of monthly allowance.

Another suggestion would be for them to sell all of the current property they own and move to a condo where they would not need to do to outside maintenance and, depending on where you buy, it might be better for you and your husband to buy the condo and put it in your name. You could cover the HOA fees and they would essentially not have rent.

Could they live on the social security benefits if they drastically cut their living expenses?

There's too many unknown factors in what you've provided to be able to give any practical advice.

While I get you think you shouldn't have to pay anything, I'm not sure this viewpoint is going to get you far in your relationship with your husband.

OP here - Should I buy them a palace and some butlers too? Maybe I should quit my job to wait on them hand and foot. Thanks for posting, but this is ridiculous.

You can buy an inexpensive condo depending on where it's located. Again, there's not enough info to provide helpful info.

I'm going to have say that the more you respond the more obvious it is you are a bitter person with not much generosity of spirit.

Good luck.

OP here - Ah, another lifelong mooch. The way you expertly allocated my income to all sorts of allowances for my in laws tells me you have practice at earmarking others' funds. No doubt you think the hardworking people of the world are just awful when we don't let your ilk reach into our pocketbooks.

And now I think OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in kind of a similar situation right now... only it is my DH who is a self-made immigrant pulling in most of the HHI, and my parents who have gotten themselves in trouble.

My parents are divorced, and my mom messed up and lost her job a few months ago (and lied about it) and asked to move in with us because she "misses us so much." BS. She has made bad decision after bad decision. I don't judge people for making mistakes - everyone does, but some people are hell-bent on NOT learning from those mistakes, and will never change. I told mom no. We are genuinely not in a position to help - I am still looking for a job, DH is in the early years of a new career, and we are trying to save a down payment - not interested in renting a bigger/more expensive place so that my freeloading mom can move in. Easy to justify for us, since I'm not working and DH's parents are much poorer due to life-altering illness (he sends them money every now and then)

You do what's best for you and your children, OP. Let your DH get a second job if he wants so much to support his parents. If they have to live in a studio apt and apply for welfare, let them. And there is NO WAY you or DH should be on the hook for his siblings, assuming they are able bodied adults.

I'm sorry. But I would never say no to my mother. Never. No matter how hard it would be to allow her to live with me and my family., no matter how difficult she is or how bad of a mother she has been (and my mother has not been a good mom at all, frankly-but still I would never refuse a request to live with me.)

This is a bell that can't be unrung. I also cannot imagine the pain I would feel at being turned away by my daughter like that.

I'm sure you will be a better mom to your daughter than my mom was to me. You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

^^^ And besides, it would be DH who is paying - I don't earn past daycare.

[Anonymous]

Still. Unless my mother is an ax murderer, I will always help her if she is in need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in kind of a similar situation right now... only it is my DH who is a self-made immigrant pulling in most of the HHI, and my parents who have gotten themselves in trouble.

My parents are divorced, and my mom messed up and lost her job a few months ago (and lied about it) and asked to move in with us because she "misses us so much." BS. She has made bad decision after bad decision. I don't judge people for making mistakes - everyone does, but some people are hell-bent on NOT learning from those mistakes, and will never change. I told mom no. We are genuinely not in a position to help - I am still looking for a job, DH is in the early years of a new career, and we are trying to save a down payment - not interested in renting a bigger/more expensive place so that my freeloading mom can move in. Easy to justify for us, since I'm not working and DH's parents are much poorer due to life-altering illness (he sends them money every now and then)

You do what's best for you and your children, OP. Let your DH get a second job if he wants so much to support his parents. If they have to live in a studio apt and apply for welfare, let them. And there is NO WAY you or DH should be on the hook for his siblings, assuming they are able bodied adults.

OP here. I admire your fortitude. How has your refusal to give her money and let her live with you affected your relationship with your mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, the HHI would give a good idea of whether or not helping them is a reasonable request.

Based on the fact you won't give the HHI, I'm going to assume it is sizable.

If you are making under $100K, no, there's no way you can support them if you living in the DC metro.

If, your household income is over $250K, then yes, you should be able to manage some sort of monthly allowance.

Another suggestion would be for them to sell all of the current property they own and move to a condo where they would not need to do to outside maintenance and, depending on where you buy, it might be better for you and your husband to buy the condo and put it in your name. You could cover the HOA fees and they would essentially not have rent.

Could they live on the social security benefits if they drastically cut their living expenses?

There's too many unknown factors in what you've provided to be able to give any practical advice.

While I get you think you shouldn't have to pay anything, I'm not sure this viewpoint is going to get you far in your relationship with your husband.

OP here - Should I buy them a palace and some butlers too? Maybe I should quit my job to wait on them hand and foot. Thanks for posting, but this is ridiculous.

You can buy an inexpensive condo depending on where it's located. Again, there's not enough info to provide helpful info.

I'm going to have say that the more you respond the more obvious it is you are a bitter person with not much generosity of spirit.

Good luck.

OP here - Ah, another lifelong mooch. The way you expertly allocated my income to all sorts of allowances for my in laws tells me you have practice at earmarking others' funds. No doubt you think the hardworking people of the world are just awful when we don't let your ilk reach into our pocketbooks.

And now I think OP is a troll.

OP here - Suuuure, I'm a troll because I gave you a stern rebuke. Bye now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - Suuuure, I'm a troll because I gave you a stern rebuke. Bye now.

Shouldn't you be working so you can earn all of your money? Not sure how you can afford to waste time on DCUM. Seems like it would be a huge waste of your time.